tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-18780692583699481452024-03-13T23:49:18.848-07:00how to live with an alcoholicMaryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.comBlogger182125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-91036524241307127182010-08-20T21:54:00.002-07:002010-08-20T21:54:43.078-07:00My dad is an alcoholic, my mum thinks he is now a dry drunk? (long, okay, very long, but i really need help)?He has been off drink for about 10 years. I just turned 15. My mum told when when I was younger and when he drank, I hated him and that I would never go near him. He went to AA meetings, which obviously helped him stop. Nowadays, when my mum, my sister and I go to my granny's house (my mum's mother), which we do only once a week. She lives 20 minutes away. We sleep up there every Saturday night. My dad though, he always gives out about that saying she(mum) is always away every night of the week up there. He hates the people from there, for some unkown reason.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />But they're mostly all my mum's relatives (it's a small town) and friends, whom she enjoys spending time with. It's not that my dad actually would be with my mum if we were at home on Saturday nights. They have nothing in common. He mostly goes away most nights, he doesn't have a job you see, well technically he does, he has a delivery milk business, which he does NOTHING for. My brother works and goes out to deliver the milk, my mum does the bookkeeping for the business, what does he do? Take the money. And nothing else. His behaviour is so much worse these past months, he stopped going to AA meeting about a year ago, in which his behaviour has just deteriorated. My mum is very unhappy with him, he knows that. He is just one of those people you can't communicate with, no matter how hard you try.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />My mum says he is acting the exact same way he does when he drank (And no he is definitely not actually still drinking) Which is called a dry drunk. Of course, he can never accept that. I woke up today to hear them argueing over it, she, calmly, tried to say to him she thinks he should start going back to the AA meetings. You know how when somebody has a drink/drug problem, no matter what or how many times you say it, they can't admit it, they're in denial they have a problem? Well, it makes it a million times worse with my dad because he is the kind of person who will not listen to anybody else's opinions. It's all about him. He knows everything. He is never wrong. Nothing is his fault. Everything that goes wrong with him or in the world is somebody else's fault, never his. He couldn't accept that he still needs the AA meetings. He says he is over that period in his life and it's done with, but the minute an alcoholic says that is the minute they start to go bad again. A few weeks ago, my dad and I had an arguement, he hit me, kicked me multiple times and threatened me with a wooden board, nothing he has ever done before. I was left with a big cut on my face which I had to tell my friends at school that I fell against a stack of drawers. After that, my mum and him knew there was nothing they could do to save the marriage, they wanted to sell the house and get seperate ones but with the economy the way it is, you wouldn't even get half of the house's worth. My mum now thinks, is losing all that money really that bad opposed to her being happy?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />My questions are, where do you think we go from here? I have no problem with my parents splitting. I HATE my dad. That's not just typical teenager talk, I am deadly serious. If anybody moves out, it should be him, my mum works around here, we go to school here, the 3 kids(me, mu older sister and older brother) would live with my mum. My dad has no reason to stay, but he is stubborn. He wouldn't leave. He wants a wife that will do everything for him without hesitation and take all of his crap, which my mum is not willing to do.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />What do you think should happen with all this? I don't want to leave my house, selfish, whatever, but I'd rather my house that I grew up in rather than my prick of a father. They're currently trying to decide what to do, I'm just confused.. How could he be convinved to back to AA meetings? Either way, we're still not happy living with him, but it would be better and easier to stay here, just until the we could get full value for the house.My dad is an alcoholic, my mum thinks he is now a dry drunk? (long, okay, very long, but i really need help)?<br >There is NO SUCH THING as a dry drunk! After many years of AA membership myself, I can tell you that there are few nutjobs more nutty than long-term AA members. To them, anyone who doesn't go to meetings anymore but has no trouble staying sober is automatically declared to be a ';dry drunk';.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />There is, however, such a thing as a raving jerk. Perhaps he is THAT, but how on earth is going back to AA going to help THAT problem when the group is FULL of raving jerks...people claiming to be sober when they really aren't....sexual predators...yeah, that's a healthy place to send someone.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Look, if you don't like your dad, that's fine, sounds like he's a jerk....but a group of jerks won't make a jerk into a nice guy.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-7310445238990487742010-08-20T21:54:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:54:24.738-07:00How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?my mum's been an alcoholic for the past.. three years? maybe four, but she's at her worst now. she just literally came out of prison and while it was absolutely great to talk to her when she was actually sober in prison, the first thing she did on being let out was go down to the off-licence, even before she came home to see us. i want to help her but i don't know how. my dad's given up on her, and he's forced to pay all her credit card debts off and we don't have that kind of money to feed her habit. (i'm sixteen, i live with my parents and two younger brothers, by the way) sometimes it feels as if my real mum is dead, because this drunk mum isn't my proper mum at all because her sober self and drunk self are completely different personalities. alcoholic meetings don't work because we can't get regular ones - they come every few months or so which is useless. she does WANT to stop (at least she says so), but she's drunk before i even get up and i imagine her only sober time is the early hours of the morning. she even helps herself to midnight drinks. :/ i found a question on here that i asked about my alcoholic mum a couple of years ago, which made me realise how bad it's got. if we take the drink away from her, she gets more and runs up more bills. if we leave her with it, she drinks that and then gets more. which is better to do? i don't want her to drink herself to death. we fight a lot but she's still my mother regardless. i just want her to be back to normal. how am i meant to do that?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />/rant.How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?<br >There is nothing that you can do to change the hurt and pain that is in your mother. That is something that she is trying to deal with and blot out with the use of alcohol or whatever substance. You on the other hand have a chance to change your life for the better. Look up Al-Anon and find a meeting. You can even go to an Al-Ateen meeting where you will meet others who are facing the same issues as you. Find the help that you need and it is amazing what will happen to you and possibly your entire family.How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?<br >You can't help her if she is refusing the help. You dad needs to ensure she has no access to the funds so he can take care of the finances properly.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />She is says what you want her to say. Hopefully she will decide to get better before it is to late.<br >The only way for an alcoholic to stop drinking is to lose EVERYTHING they have and hit the rock buttom. family members leaving them, losing the job, house and everything. It is only then that they realize they must stop drinking.<br >You can't fix other people. No matter how much you want to be the one doing the fixing, only the other person can fix themselves. The best you can do is help.<br >You didn't cause it, you can't control it and your can't cure it. Let go, let God.<br >If someone doesn't want to be cured, you won't be able to cure them.<br >^^^^^<br><br /><br />win.<br >i really do feel for you...my dad too is an alcoholic %26amp; there is really nothing any of us can do to cure them...until they admit they have a problem %26amp; are willing to go %26amp; get help.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />if you take their drinks away...they will beg, steal or borrow to get more...so that too will not work. all we do now is just be there for my dad....%26amp; i think that is all you can do for your mum. be strong...not easy i know...she is lucky to have a caring child like you!!<br >I've been in the same situation as you and I'm afraid the above answers are quite right, you can't make them do it.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />My mam got seriously unwell because of her alcoholism and ended up in rehab, she discharged herself once then went back. When her time was up the next time and she came out she cut herself off from us all. At Christmas we never heard anything from her at all,<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You need support from people who know what its all about, you can't cure her or even make her go to rehab or anything. i'm sorry to say alcoholics say what they think you want to hear them say 'I want to stop drinking', 'if I didn't have any drink in the house I would stop'.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />The most important thing is for you to realise your mum has to take responsibility for herself and I know thats really, really hard, especially when you're young and want and need you mum back.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I know too how hard it is when you see other peoples mum's behaving normally, I still feel jealous of other peoples relationships and I don't know if that will ever change.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />but at least I know that it's not my fault, its not something I did that made this happen.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />As far as I know My mam is sober now, don't know where she is or if she's well but I hope she is. At the end of the day - like you said - she's my mam and I love her, despite the emotional damage thats been done by now.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I've put the link on for alateen which is a support group for teens with a problem drinker in the family. you might find it helpful, you might not, you might never get in touch with them but then again, you might. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen/inde鈥?/a><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I hope things work out for you. Just remember you're not alone.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm a lot older than you (37) and I found it difficult when we were going through it this last few years, my heart goes out to you.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />take care<br >you can not i had a friend who was like your mum it hard my friend was bad on drink it killed her in the end. try get help i not know you but do want to you to go through what i did it not nice if i had to tell you all i be here at xmas please try get help for her good luck take care<br >unless an alcoholic wants to stop they never will and trying to help can be extremely draining for yourself you could try encouraging her to do so and drop little hints about how this is affecting you. i have been trying to help a neighbour/friend to stop for about six years now and though she is fully aware of how bad her behaviour is due to instantaneous mood changes and depression and confusion due to brain damage through the drink she continues in a vicious cycle of drinking, harming herself and her pets, hurting her friends who are trying to help her to suddenly realising, apologising, saying she wants to stop and then obviously never doing so and over the time i have tried to help her doing so has made me very ill and had me attacked on countless occasions and even left me to die when i fell unconscious through diabetes and only now i have realised that i cannot ever hope to stop her and although she can be the nicest and most caring person you could want to meet she can instantaneously change to the most evil person ive ever known and has seriously hurt me on many occasions. taking the drink away will never help but if when sober she is willing to cut down and limit the amount and rally wants to stop you may get there in short steps if you must try unfortunately we live in a world where both crime, violence and often destitution are fuelled by alcohol and an alcoholic is a very selfish person who cares about nothing but there next drink. my advice would be dont waste too much of your own life trying to do the impossible but obviously as this is your mother it would be very hard to turn your back so i wish you luck and hope for you and your mums sake she can stop<br >I understand that it is natural to love our parents no matter who they are. First of all I hope you know it's not your fault, and I would encourage you to seek help from a variety of places; councilors, Pastor, Another adult you can trust. Though this may be hard to accept your mom can't come back until she realizes she needs help, no matter what she tells you (though she may love you) she needs a professional to help her. Yes it's your right to love her, just don't become a co- dependent or an enabler. Also I would encourage you to make a plan on what you want from your life, and ask for help so you can gain this instead of sacrificing and losing your self; while loving someone else. If she loves you, this will also be important to her. Otherwise you loose all the way around. I have experience with a father and an ex- boy friend (He passed away believing he could handle it, and he was only 36 yrs old). you can find a local ALA-teen or local hospitals/clinics for more help/advice. Sacred Heart is also a good rehab place, contact them. What you are going through you most realize is bigger than you, if you really love her. Good luck<br >You don't.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />YOU cannot cure anyone, and with a problem like alcohol and drugs, they ONLY way the person will be cured is when THEY want to.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />SAYING you want to stop and DOING it are two different things. Substance abusers will most often tell their loved ones anything to get the loved ones to stop nagging! it doesn't mean anything -- they are not going to stop.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />One thing you MUST do is stop ';enabling'; her. DO NOT provide her with alcohol, or with the opportunity to get alcohol. DO NOT fix drinks for her. Take ALL alcohol out of your house. if she wants alcohol, she has to go buy it. Do not give her money. if she's already drunk, she can't drive -- she has to walk.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Eventually, she will get down to the point that she will realize that she either quits drinking or she will die. MAYBE you can enlist a doctor's help in this, but substance abusers won't listen to them, either. To the substance abuser, everybody is a liar.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If the doctor cannot help, then there is nothing you an do bu wait until she hits rock bottom. Be there to keep her safe from harming her own self, and LET her hit bottom. be there for her when she tried to fight her way back up.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-17693686835599482592010-08-20T21:54:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:54:11.688-07:00What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?Before our child was conceived, my BF had a severe (4+times/week) cocaine use/habit %26amp; was a heavy drinker (5+ drinks, 3-5 times/week). He then got emergency custody of his kids %26amp; his substance abuse toned down. Since his kids are now having visitation with their mother, he's taken back to the old habits -- mostly when the kids are gone. However, he still sneaks out after they're in bed or takes off for hours -- leaving me to take care of the household. With a baby on the way, he promised he wasn't doing cocaine any more and I had only witnessed the intoxication on about a once a week basis. I did just recently figure out he's been lying about being ';clean'; from cocaine. Here's my problem: I don't think I can/will expose my new baby to this behavior. I'm afraid he shouldn't be alone with a baby. I've shielded my son (8) from his habits but I'm terrified about the baby. He often says his kids are old enough (11-14) to take care of themselves so leaving for hours to hang out at a bar is fine. They can ';cook %26amp; clothe themselves.'; Yet a baby cannot. I am trying to find a place to live but feel a tremendous guilt about leaving his kids with no one that's really here for them. I feel horrible about splitting my son up from kids he regards as closely as siblings. His kids have confided that they feel I am the only person that takes care of them %26amp; have learned that having a dad gone all hours of the night is not ';normal.'; <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I have taken on the horrible task of documenting all his behavior. I have the phone records of his calls to his dealer. I have copies of credit card statements showing the amount of time %26amp; money he spends in bars.... I'm pretty sure he won't get any custodial rights to the baby. HOWEVER, I do not want it to come to some ugly mud slinging court case. I just want him to sign off all paternal right to the baby and let me fend for myself. I don't want to have to tell anyone that my baby's father is an alcoholic %26amp; drug addict but I don't know what I'm going to say when I move a month before a baby is born. I also feel very guilty about the fact that I am far from excited about the baby coming. I have no names. I have clothes %26amp; a car seat for the baby -- but nothing more. I have been waiting nine months for dad to change and I have put myself in a position requiring emergency action. He initially said he would move... then he said he would find me a place to live and pay for the first 6 months... now he's saying I'm on my own. I just wonder if moving with no job is even possible??? Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, if I just ignore his behavior, stay here, take care of all the kids -- money %26amp; a place to live are not a problem. It just doesn't seem right.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I've asked him to go to get help. He regrets his behavior but seems to think it's no big deal to be drunk all weekend (since Friday and counting...) and tells me it's none of my business. He will not go to a counseling or rehab service. He knows how to trick all the drug tests he needed to take to get custody of his kids. It just seems that waiting is hopeless. Since his habits are hidden, I look like a bit of a lunatic -- he's never been charged with drug crimes or alcohol related tickets. He's a steady provider that owns his own company. He's not abusive (except he calls me all kinds of names when he's drunk) and hides his ways very well. The whole situation has me scared, sad %26amp; feeling very stupid for exposing myself to this for so long. I cry a lot and I don't want to be around anyone except my family. If I had my way, I wouldn't even get out of bed but I have responsibilities.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />From a completely non bias onlooker, what do I do?What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?<br >RUN! If he did not get clean for his other kids he certainly is not going to do it for you or your child. People who use cocaine or drink for long periods of time are highly unstable. Do you want to take the chance that he is driving one day intoxicated, pulled over and the police take your child from you for allowing him contact while you know full well he is a user. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Purely from a child protection stand point, I work for department of health and If I learned that you were aware of his ';problem'; and stayed with him, I would seriously question your protective capacity. What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?<br >Sounds like you already know what you need to do and so far you've done all the right things. Now you have to keep that positive action and apply it to all areas of your life. I understand that this is very emotional but you must protect your baby. Don't feel guilty about doing the right thing <br >When it comes to drug addicts and alcoholics, it is them that have to decide to go for help. They can go for you , but it will not work unless it is their idea to go. You can not make him better, he has to decide where he wants his life to end up. If he decides to let his life go down the tubes , don't go with him. You need to take care of your self, and try to get him to want help. Get on with your life, and live for yourself and the baby.<br><br /><br />Good Luck with him,Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-82246872851800851902010-08-20T21:53:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:53:49.385-07:00When should i apply for financial aid?i am only a junior in high school coming up. and i just wanted to know how and when i should try and get Financial aid. i am planning on moving out so how will that work if i do not live with my parent/very alcoholic Bitc hWhen should i apply for financial aid?<br >You should start working on your FAFSA in your senior year of high school (Feb/March) if you plan on entering college in the fall semester after you graduate. (http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/)<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If you don't want to live with your parents you will typically have to stay in the dorms at least for your freshman year. It is a good idea because most people meet their really close college friends in their dorms. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Once you figure out what school you are going to you should contact the financial aid office. They will normally answer any questions you have whether general or specific.When should i apply for financial aid?<br >Maybe you can try below website to get the information you need. It's about a unique student loans solution for your second opinion.<br >You need to complete the FAFSA by January of your senior year. So the sooner you do it, the better! You can find out more about financial aid here:<br><br /><br />http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/fina鈥?/a><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />And if you need student loans, read about them here:<br><br /><br />http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/stud鈥?/a><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck!<br >apply nowMaryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-31312986190420736602010-08-20T21:53:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:53:24.165-07:00Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?My 36 yr old best friend and fiance is drinking more often at higher quantities. He is Irish and German and drinking runs in his family so I understand that if he is an alcoholic, it is probably hereditary. He is bipolar for about 15 years (so is his mother) and he has been taking Lithium for a while and is doing great regarding his bipolar disease. He drinks. He drinks at Least every other day. We both have been looking for full time jobs and we may loose my house to foreclosure, so the situation is stressful already. We are handling all this fairly well because we know that we are together no matter what. BUT.... I do not desire to be with an alcoholic. He has a new friend who drinks nightly and my fiance is doing the same when they hang out together. The other man is in his 50's, a vet, not married, has a bunch of guns, money, and works in construction. My fiance was suppose to be getting work from him and attending jobs with him. For the 3 weeks they have known each other my fiance has brought home about 40 dollars, gets DRUNK when is with this guy. It started as going to his house for work, then coming home drunk, then spending the night because he is too drunk to drive home. He has spent the night as this guy's house twice. It's not really his house. He is house sitting a mansion actually, so I can see the attraction from my fiance's side....free beer and liquor and hanging out in a very nice place. <br><br /><br />My fiance lies, he'll tell me that he going over there to work and comes home with no money. He can't even pay his car note or his auto insurance. He'll call me and tell me he is coming home in a couple minutes or a little while and I won't see him until I wake up in the morning. He asks me for gas money to get to his part time job, but he'll come home with beer and is asking me for money two days later. I was laid off from my full time job and now I only have a part time job which doesn't touch my mortgage payment. He knows this. He knows that the mortgage hasn't been paid since June and he knows that we are not doing good at all financially. He throws a childlike tantrum and gets rude and snippy if he can't drink. If I tell him that I will go put gas in his car for him, he gets mad and snippy because he won't be able to purchase beer. He started drinking more than every other day about 5 weeks ago, but we can't afford it and he has EVERY excuse in the world to ';need'; a drink. I don't drink. I use to drink wine which took me about 2 weeks to go through, but I stopped buying it about 6 months ago and because I know it is not an essential and needed product in this house. He doesn't understand that 20 buck a week for beer is TOO MUCH, we can't afford it and I am starving (because he eats twice as much as I) literally. He knows all this....................................鈥?br><br /><br />He knows that I won't marry an alcoholic (who refuses to get help) no matter how much we love each other. He is also vegan which he and I know isn't good for someone with bipolar disease, but he has been vegan for decades and it is how he eats, but he thinks that drinking isn't hurting him at all. He is already getting fatter since he has been drinking more often. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I told him that I want him to live as long as me and that he is speeding up his bipolar disease, that he shouldn't be drinking while on Lithium even though his disease is in check right now, that we can't afford it, that he shoudn't drink and drive, because he does....BUT he still comes up with ridiculous excuses to DRINK. We made an agreement about 2 months ago that he would only have 2 beers a night every other night. This was his idea and we both agreed. He broke the agreement about 3 days later and drank for 3 days in a row after we got into an argument. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Does he just not care?<br><br /><br />Is he an alcoholic?<br><br /><br />Should I break up with him?Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?<br >I think you answered this all by yourself - \<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />';My fiance lies';<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />';he still comes up with ridiculous excuses to DRINK.';<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />';He broke the agreement about 3 days ';<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If you're doubting this relationship and asking complete strangers for advice I believe you already know the answer. :(<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Be strong, get out and look back on this in 20 years as a good decision and not ';I wonder what I could've been or could've done';. Remember to love yourself first then find someone to share it with. Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?<br >I will be a hard life if you stay with him. Unless he changes very soon, I'd break it off. Hard to do, but youhave the rest of your life ahead of you and easier to break it off now than after being married...<br >I do not desire to be with an alcoholic? Yep l agree with ttommyfu. Sounds like you already made up your mind you just need to get some reinforcement. Get a job make the break or else let him drag you down with him.RR<br >Re-read your own question and pretend you are advising someone else in your situation. What would you say? <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />This fellow has a severe drinking problem, isn't taking proper care of his bipolar disorder, lies, is argumentative, and is financially irresponsible. Even ONE of those problems would be a deal-breaker for me personally, but all of them, taken together, can spell nothing more than a life of heartache and unless you are one who loves misery, you absolutely cannot marry this person. Also bipolar disorder has a hereditary component, so any kids you have might have the same problems.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Definitely break up with this guy; he is not marriage material and he never will be.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><li><a href='http://www.necklace.org.cn/sitemaps/'>necklace</a></li><li><a href='http://myspace-codes-rey.blogspot.com/'>myspace codes</a></li>Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-8348305638995575632010-08-20T21:52:00.002-07:002010-08-20T21:52:32.682-07:00Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?In the past, I've lost two family members due to alcohol related illnesses. And currently my mom is suffering from alcoholism as well, and I have many not related alcoholics in my family such as step dad ect. just like most of all the other females in my family. I've noticed that my siblings 19 and 20 and my cousin 17 all seem to be drinking a lot a well.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm a fifteen year old female, so it doesn't seem like I'd be at a high risk, But I started drinking at 11, and drank so much i had alcohol poising and got an M.I.P. charge all at 12. I've spent 4 years drinking very heavily. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />In the last two years, I drank more and on average during the school year, I drank almost twice every weekend and at least on day during the week alone up in my bedroom. And in the summer, it probably equaled out to about 5 times per week. As a general rule, on a drinking night I consume about 5 to 7 shots of a 40% alcohol liquor<br><br /><br />And through the years, I've drank a half of a fifth and almost a complete one, I currently weigh 127 pounds but have weighed even less like 110 to my current weight and been able to put away close to the same amount.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Physically, I don't think I'm an alcoholic, I have no with draw symptoms, or anything involving the shakes %26amp; ect. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />However I'm not even sure if this is possible but in some terms<br><br /><br />I feel like I'm an alcoholic emotionally wise, like my body isn't addicted yet, but something about me emotionally is,<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I haven't drank in the past three weeks, and it wasn't a struggle,<br><br /><br />(I never set out to stop, the way many things turned out, just allowed that to happen.)<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />But, now that I'm not really drinking I feel like something in my heart and in my life is missing. Hanging out with my friends, is different, it's simply not the same and it's boring. %26amp; alcohol has been such a big part of my life for so long, now that I don't really drink I spend my weekends at home, I feel so dumb like i don't have friends, actually me not drinking has caused some distance between a few of my very close friends.<br><br /><br />I'm going through a lot of things in my life, and now that I have to deal with them, without alcohol taking the edge off, i realize how much I wish I were drinking. Pictures of me and my friends drunk at parties seem so far away now.... <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm so confused, I thought that chilling out with my drinking was going<br><br /><br />to make things better as a whole, and allow me to finally be happy,<br><br /><br />But instead I'm full of indescribable feelings and emotions, and the funny thing is, I felt the exact same way in sixth grade, when I decided to leave drinking, and all my bad friends in the past, <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I've saw from first hand experience what alcoholism can do,<br><br /><br />I watched my aunt slowly kill her self through the years,<br><br /><br />and watched my grandma do the same. I watched my mom<br><br /><br />also do the same, as well as my step dad and other grandma<br><br /><br />I watch my brother constantly get DUI and go to jail, and in<br><br /><br />my own life I know what alcohol dose to you.<br><br /><br />From my own drinking experiences, I've saw the choices<br><br /><br />alcohol has help me make, and I've saw the evils of it,<br><br /><br />and I've felt like i was in a bottomless hole after week<br><br /><br />after week after week of drinking, and having sex with<br><br /><br />random guys.<br><br /><br />I watched alcoholics bounce from rehab to rehab,<br><br /><br />and watched them in the hospital with they're liver dysfunctions<br><br /><br />and pancreas problems, and long ago I've decided that<br><br /><br />wont be the life I'll live, <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />After all that, I don't understand why I still drink,<br><br /><br />I know a lot about alcoholism, the effects the<br><br /><br />death statistics, yet they don't affect me when I'm<br><br /><br />drinking or stop me I just keep drinking,<br><br /><br />and making the same mistakes over and over?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm so confused right now,<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />What the hell is wrong w/ me, why can't I stop drinking after everything<br><br /><br />i've been through with it, and all IK about it?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Am I already becoming an alcoholic?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If I'm not, what is the risk of me becoming one?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />How can I prevent this?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If I'm so unhappy about my drinking, why am i not happy about stopping either?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />-I don't want to be an alcoholic, I really don't want to drink again, and let these 3 weeks be my start of sobriety, but these past weeks I've been hanging out around home, and stuff with friends that I have no temptation, how am I going to resist alcohol at a party, or if i simply go out once again, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life bored at home,<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />And with these emotions I'm feeling after not drinking, are they normal? Do any others get them or am I just really depressed?<br><br /><br />Is there anyways to stop them?Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?<br >The short answer is - yes...you have become an alcoholic (that's why you can't stop drinking even with everything you've seen %26amp; been through). You started drinking at an unusually young age, you drink too much and too often. Its already affected your health (alcohol poisoning) and your relationships. On the positive side, you are still young, you've been able to quit for three weeks and you sound very insightful, sensitive, intelligent and motivated to find answers and do the right thing. You need to continue to NOT drink...get some help to help you stay sober and gain insight as to what purpose alcohol is serving for you (you may suffer from depression %26amp; use alcohol as a means of feeling less depressed or masking anxiety or just general negative feelings). Counseling for alcohol treatment will help you get to the bottom of those feelings, how you use alcohol and what you can do to constructively manage negative feelings. You're feelings are very normal for what you've been going through. You could start with an Ala-Teen group in your area. That approach doesn't work for everyone, but its a good place to start to learn about alcoholism.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm glad you posted your concerns.Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?<br >you should start drinking root beer for a while thats stuff is great for curing diseases<br >Unfortunately. yes it does sound like you are an alcoholic than is hurting and using it to dampen your silent suffering. Seek God, He'll help you get to the root of your pain that you may not even know exists. I'll keep you in my prayers. May He bless you with the truth and help heal you.<br >Yes, you are an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease and it's not something you can treat alone. You need to join a support group and make friends with people who don't drink. It's hard to believe but not all teens drink or do drugs. I'm 31 and waited until I was 23 to have my first drink and I have never done any drugs...not even marijuana. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Alcoholism cannot be cured so it's very important to have the support of friends and/or family. If you are unable to go to your family for help, it's time to talk to a teacher, counselor, minister, etc. Please get help now! Your life depends on it.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck.<br >Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds somewhat like your only activity with your friends is drinking. Do you ever do anything together besides that? If you don't then you've based your friendships on alcohol which isn't good.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Whatever you do don't drink to get rid of feelings. That is what alcoholism is.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-84637664797578771282010-08-20T21:52:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:52:13.817-07:00My alcoholic friend is flipping out and coming to stay here?she's going to stay for a few days...she is currently living with an abusive boyfriend, drinking waayy too much and basically not doing anything with ther life...they had a huge fight and she said she needs to get away for a few days (I live 2 hours away) ...I am off work for the next few days so I said she could come...any tips or suggestions of how to advise her or really get through to her?My alcoholic friend is flipping out and coming to stay here?<br >The first thing you need to do is either a) get rid of all of your alcohol or b) lock up and hide your alcohol because you definitely do not want to encourage her bad habit. Also, you have to either report her boyfriend or get her away from him for GOOD. Chances are that one of the main reasons she is drinking is because her boyfriend is abusive. If her habit seems extremely malignant you have to check her into rehab right away and make sure she has the resources to get her life back together; trust me, you'd be the best friend in the world to do this. My alcoholic friend is flipping out and coming to stay here?<br >Take her to an AA meeting. And keep in mind that you are not responsible for her. You can only guide her, the rest is up to her.<br >try to keep her from drinking for one<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />you need to do what you can to convince her not to continue in an abusive relationship and let her know she has your supportMaryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-67478718190201170622010-08-20T21:52:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:52:00.549-07:00Help With An Alcoholic Relationship?I'm in a hole,<br><br /><br /> I live with my boyfriend, a man that i love so much, much more than anything in this world. I've been with him for going on 3 years now, and i'm questioning myself whether i should leave him or not.<br><br /><br /> My boyfriend is an alcoholic. He's been an alcoholic ever since i met him. In fact, when i met him i was a drinker as well, not an alcoholic, but drinking was pretty much my main focus. When i was a drinker i found it attractive about him too that he was as well, of course because at the time i didnt care about anything else.<br><br /><br /> When i moved in with him he was jobless as was i. I eventually got a job (and several other jobs afterwards) to support us because we were spending too much money on alcohol and cigarettes, and we needed to move out of his moms house. He's complained and i've moved him twice, working jobs and supporting us, and him still as being an alcoholic trying to recover (he hasnt worked but for 1 week since 3 years). <br><br /><br /> If you can understand, my individual life got really frusterating and i'm no longer drinking. But my boyfriend still is. He has tried to quit, i've payed for him 3 times to go to detox, even to St Anthony's hospital, but it hasnt worked for him. He truely does have a disease and he does want to quit. However....I just cant deal with his drunkeness anymore. I've tried to be hard, and give tough love and say ';Look, get sober, try harder or else i'm outa here...'; and we've gone over rules and what and what not to do about when he is drinking. But, these rules and agreements are always subsided if he has one drink too many.<br><br /><br /> I just cannot stand him anymore when he is drunk. I love him to death, if he werent my boyfriend he'd be my best friend just the same, and i'd love him still as a human being. But, when he's drunk he's always shitty and talks under his breath and i just cannot stand it. I cannot stand to see him like that anymore, when i do, everytime inside i just want to beat the **** out of him....I feel so full of rage, i feel like my life with this is litterally making me crazy, and it probably is. But, try to explain it to a drunk.....Even when he's sober, it doesnt register well. I mean, I've worked for the past whole year sober waiting on HIS promise to get sober, i take care of everything! I do everything on my own, i'm tired of how he acts when he's drunk, i'm tired of him not working and helping me out, i'm just straight up done with the alcoholism. I cannot take it anymore, i am so full of rage and hate inside now because of what this life like this has caused to me.<br><br /><br /> I dont believe that i can just straight up leave him because i'm not happy, or want a better life. Because this man, is the most beautiful human being i've ever met inside. Yes he has a huge problem with alcohol, but he's so special. I pray to God for him every night, and i just feel like...like i've felt for the past 2 years...that if i were to leave it's wrong, because i love him and he deserves help in this. I dont want him to become a totally misserable human being like i am becoming. I want him to have a LIFE, and enjoy it. I dont want him to die because of this wasting his life away. As nobody with alcoholism deserves, yes they got themselves into it, but it is harder than any drug to kick. I know personally, i've drank, and my father is an alcoholic.<br><br /><br /> So you see, i'm challanged. I feel so terrible because i cant help but get so enraged when he's drunk. I'm so tired of my life i'm sure i'm probably nuts by now, i'm sure i probably need some medication...but still. I'm so torn up inside, i'll litterally go into my bedroom and break things, and throw things, yell and scream...if you can imagine how bad you have to feel inside to be able to behave that way, and not even able to control it. The huge fights and problems we have, i know that they stem from the alcohol ( i know it's all different in the morning, sometimes) but it's not what goes on that pisses me off anymore, it's the fac that alcohol is involved in it STILL.<br><br /><br /> Any of you out there, who have either been an alcohlic, drinker, or family or friend of an alcoholic...please give me some advice. And dont tell me to be going to ALANON meetings because i dont even have the gas money to get there. I need some other kind of help....preferably from people with experience please.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I sure do appreciate you reading all of that.Help With An Alcoholic Relationship?<br >Honestly, I did not read all of this.<br><br /><br />What I got out of the begining is this man is using you.<br><br /><br />He needs to address his addictions and you can not and should not do it with him.<br><br /><br />By supporting his unemployed self you are enabling him. That is making him sicker.<br><br /><br />Hard as it would be - leaving him is best for you both.Help With An Alcoholic Relationship?<br >I only have one thing to say. I'd like to see you love yourself as much as you love him. Love yourself first and the rest will fall into place.Alkies are a total pain in the a$$ to deal with because it's all about them and THEIR needs.Theres a lot of things that I could say but none would help you as much as me telling you to start taking better care of yourself, step by step,minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. This will sound harsh but it's the truth. he loves liquor more than you, no matter what he might say in his moments of sobriety.Truthfully it doesn't really matter what he wants anymore.What matters is what you are willing to do to stay in this f#cked up situation. What would you tell your daughter( if you had one) and she was involved with a guy like this?You know what to do, the problem is how to do it and not have more drama in the process of extricating yourself from this relationship.He's not ever going to leave you alone so don't hope for that.He's not going to get his act together or realize what he's doing until it's too late.<br><br /><br />If it were me( and I've been in some pretty sh#tty situations before in the past) I'd frickin leave town for good. I'd wait till he left the house and throw a bunch of my stuff in a bag and get the hell out.Obviously,don't stay somewhere where he can find you.If you're broke go to a womens shelter and tell them he beats you and that you need a place to stay.I don't care if you have to lie or whatever, just find a safe place to hang out and get yourself together.You'll need plenty of help %26amp; support to get through this because yes, there's life after being with an alkie.You've just been so immersed in HIS needs, HIS wants, HIS problems that you haven't had the time to take care of you.Do you even remember who you are or has he sucked the life out of you?Know what I mean?You take care of you and then you'll be in a better position to decide to how to proceed next. Geez, I'd hate to see an intellegent person waste whatever time they have left on this planet trying to help save a boozehound.The booze defines him and feeds his spirit. You realize that you cannot compete with that, right?<br><br /><br />The ship is going down honey and you need to get off while theres some shred of sanity left in you,ok? Take care...<br >Ok same question posted, same answer. As I said:<br><br /><br />Go to an Al Anon meeting tonight. You don't need money to get there- if you call, someone will come and get you. Stop wasting your life and get real.<br><br /><br />http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/<br >You can't help him unless he wants to help himself, and if he wanted to help himself, he would be giving the rehab a better go than it sounds like he has. You yourself sound like you are on the verge of emotional burnout - I have been there. When you hit that wall, you will stop caring. You won't have the strength to care anymore. You can't help him if you don't help yourself first.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You say you can't straight up leave him, but you may not have another choice. For 3 years you have been trying with you there and it's not working. You say if he doesn't sort himself out, you will leave - but you never do, so he doesn't take the threat seriously. I'm sure Stephen King said he didn't start dealing with his alcoholism until his wife packed the kids and left. It might be the wake up call he needs. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You need to think about where your life is going. If he doesn't sort himself out, what do you have to look forward to? Do you want kids in the future? No way you will be having them with him if things don't change. I know the decision is hard - I had to work my way through these issues, not for alcoholism, but for multiple personalities. At the end of the day I realised I couldn't make him get help and I was only damaging myself by staying. We divorced - but Stephen King and his wife reconciled. You won't know which way you are going until you give it a try.<br >Hi - I had my last drink in 1982. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />With respect you cancel your request for input from others out. Because on the one hand you say you are in a difficult situation and in the next breath you say you cannot leave. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />We could sit and talk all day, but there will not be another option. You either stay or you leave.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I do not believe in judging people. Neither do I believe a person cannot change. I do believe in helping people. BUT I had to learn not to take ultimate responsibility for them, their choices or their happiness - they really are independant people capable of much more than we credit them for. At some level they had to take responsibility for themselves, for their lives, for their happiness. Your partner has to take responsibility for his past, his drinking his problem and you have to take responsibility for your choice whether to leave him or not. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I have to generalise now because I don't really know you. Alcoholism although it becomes a problem in itself and people often need help to break the cycle of addiction, ultimately the drinking was a symptom of cognitive (thinking) problems. That is why alcoholics often sober up but continue to behave in ways which are not in their best interests, because the unhelpful, illogical, beliefs about themselves, others and life are still inplace. After getting free of the physical aspect of alcoholism, it becomes a thinking issue.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Temper problems, procrastination, depression, easily frustrated, illogical, unhelpful ideas do not go away after alcohol is put down. Putting down a drink is just a starting place for many and a symtom of these other issues - the real original problem.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I left AA when I was about 12 years sober because I didn't buy really buy it. When I was 20 yrs sober I still had emotional problems. Perhaps three years ago I began reading books on a branch of cognitve behaviour therapy called Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy. I can tell you I have learned more in this last three years than all of the previous 20.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />There is a website smartrecovery.org which is based on REBT.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck<br >My husband is an alcoholic (in recovery) and my family is loaded with addictions of all types. I KNOW how you feel. I've been in that same hole. The disease of addiction is a fatal disease which ends in death. He's very sick. You are too. It makes us sick living with it and trying to SAVE them. We get used to things that are CRAZY. I have learned that I can't live with active addiction in my house--I just can't. Take care of yourself--please go back to Al-anon--call and someone will come for you. I didn't click with the 12 Steps at first, but it the end, they saved my life. He needs to go back to treatment, soon.<li><a href='http://myspace-pics-mn.blogspot.com/'>myspace pics</a></li><li><a href='http://www.skinskin.com.cn/human-skin/'>human skin</a></li>Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-33309458669765517252010-08-20T21:51:00.002-07:002010-08-20T21:51:44.181-07:00How long does a person have to live with liver failure?My father in law has been a alcoholic his whole life. My husband, and his father are not on speaking terms. He got a phone call that his father is passing out, throwing up blood, not remembering peoples names, forgetting where he is at. I do know he is still drinking. I don't know anything about liver failure, or exactly what his doctor has said. I just don't want my husband to regret anything. Thanks!How long does a person have to live with liver failure?<br >If your father in law is throwing up blood, this is definitely an medical emergency...he could bleed out or bleed internally.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I will explain:<br><br /><br />There are many causes of liver cell damage...one is alcohol. When the cells of the liver become damaged, the immune system of the body responds to this and causes inflammation to develop inside <br><br /><br />the liver...this will cause the liver to enlarge<br><br /><br />in size. If the alcohol is not stopped and the inflammation is not treated, the liver cells may die off and form scar tissue<br><br /><br />inside the liver that will block the flow of blood through the liver on its way back to the heart and also block the flow of blood to the other liver cells and they die off also,<br><br /><br />It is an irreversible, progressive disease known as Cirrhosis of the liver. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Because the blood isn't able to flow through the liver well anymore, it backs up into the vein under the liver, and that goes into the liver, known as the portal vein. This causes<br><br /><br />what is known as Portal Hypertension. It also backs up into smaller vessels not used to handling this amount of blood <br><br /><br />(known as varies)and pressure and they develop weak spots and can break open just like a balloon bursting. They are<br><br /><br />usually found in the esophagus and in the rectal area. The spleen may also <br><br /><br />enlarge in size because of this.<br><br /><br />Any bleeding from these two places is considered an emergency. People who have cirrhosis, their livers cannot make clotting factors to help the blood to clot<br><br /><br />and therefore they bleed and bruise very easily. <br><br /><br />Your father in law needs attention immediately.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Now I will tell you other things that may take place.<br><br /><br />He should have an advance directive or power of attorney form made up so that someone in the family can handle<br><br /><br />all his medical and financial problems that come up. http://www.caringinfo.org/stateaddownloa鈥?/a><br><br /><br />People with Cirrhosis develop a condition known as Encephalopathy. This happens because the liver isn't able to change the ammonia, that comes from the protein<br><br /><br />use in their bodies, to urea. It stays ammonia and can go pass the blood brain barrier, with the blood, into the brain. It causes confusion, disorientations, tremors,<br><br /><br />sleep pattern changes and a number of other symptoms...and if not treated, can lead to a coma. The doctor usually<br><br /><br />places the patient on medication called Lactolose; but there are other medications<br><br /><br />also.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />He may have an alcoholic ';beer belly';, but this might be Ascites. The build up of fluid in the abdominal area. This is because the liver can no longer efficiently make a protein that holds fluid in our vessels. This fluid leaks out and collects here. It can become so much that the patient has trouble breathing and eatting. This fluid<br><br /><br />can be drained by a procedure known as Paracentesis and give the patient some relief.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You father in law should be seeing either a <br><br /><br />gastroenterologist or hepatologist now. He definitely needs any help and support he can get. Alcoholics can be combative and fight with you...it is the alcohol that is doing this, however, considering this might be the encephalopathy that is very similar to being<br><br /><br />drunk...it may be this. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I hope your father in law gets the help he needs; that the differences can be worked out between your husband and his dad. It is good that you care...when it comes to disease, especially one that is as horrible as this one...it should draw families closer<br><br /><br />together not apart. <br><br /><br />The doctor may suggest a detox<br><br /><br />program at the hospital for him and if he can stay detoxed from alcohol for a period of six months...he may be able to be placed on the transplant list.<br><br /><br />Many recovering alcoholics are waiting<br><br /><br />on the transplant list now. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I hope this information is of some help to you.<br><br /><br />Here are some links you can click on to learn more about this disease:<br><br /><br />http://www.hcvets.com/data/hcv_liver/cir鈥?/a><br><br /><br />http://www.medicinenet.com/cirrhosis/art鈥?/a><br><br /><br />http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/cirrhos鈥?/a><br><br /><br />http://yourtotalhealth.ivillage.com/cirr鈥?/a><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />No one but the doctors who have his<br><br /><br />tests results and know his passed and<br><br /><br />present medical history...can give you<br><br /><br />an educated guess of how far advanced<br><br /><br />he is in the disease and how long he<br><br /><br />may have to live. <br><br /><br />The best test done to confirm this is<br><br /><br />a liver biopsy.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Best wishesHow long does a person have to live with liver failure?<br >Drinking causes cirrous of the liver and it kills them if they don't stop drinking and it sounds like this is what is happening to your father in law. It will cause them to cough up blood and vomit and they will die a very painful death. The alcohol is why he doesn't remember names and where he's at because it pickles the brain. This can go on for awhile but its hard to tell what stage he's in. Eventually the liver will burst inside and it will kill him.<br >Kidney or liver failure could leave you about 4-14 to live... some more some less but if they havent completly failed it can be reversed... but the patient is never really out of the woods once your liver is close to failingMaryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-29999762229413673812010-08-20T21:51:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:51:25.705-07:00How to ruin someones life ?my ';father';, if you will, has been in and out of jail for the past 20 years, meth addict, alcoholic, etc. ive lived with my grandparents since i was 2, i havent seen my mom since i was 6, but i talk to her occassionally. my ';father'; has so many issues its almost ridiculous. he's living with us until he finds a job and moves out. good luck when you have a record like his. he cant even get into trucking school. he has this mentality that he's the best, he's never wrong, he's a good person, and basically that he's just perfect. i dont know how to further explain this. it would take too long for anyone to understand what i live with. he's constantly bringing everyone down, he's violent, and has horrible anger management issues. my grandparents pay for his gas, yadda yadda, they're good people, they dont want to see anyone suffer, so they basically let him walk all over everyone. im sorry, that doesnt fly with me. if i have to key his car, you bet there will be a fat scratch on the drivers side door tomorrow morning. i just need some ideas, i cant get a restraining order because he lives with us. im absolutely helpless. revenge ! i need ideas !How to ruin someones life ?<br >It may sound corny, but it is so true that the best kind of revenge to your father would be is to be the most successful happy person that you can be. Think of yourself and not him even though that is going to be hard. If you make your own life good, you can get away from him and never see him again. Don't ever bring yourself to stoop to his level that will only bring more trouble to the family. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Your grandparents are enablers even though they think they are doing the right thing by helping him. Do your best to prepare for a better life in the future, but never allow your father to hurt you or your grandparents. Call the cops on him if he becomes violent. He can get it out of his system in jail where they can handle him. If you are lucky, maybe they will keep him there or put him in prison for awhile which would be better for all of you.How to ruin someones life ?<br >Go to college. It will burn inside his mind because he will know that you are better than him. Remember that he is a grown man still living with his parents. Whats funny though, he'll probably say hes proud of you, but being a loser will always echo at the core =)<br >Can you move away? Get your own place? That would be the best and easiest thing. You can't change him and revenge isn't going to make you feel better in the long run.<br >Dont do mean stuff to him 2 its gonna make EVERYthingg worse..<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I gess ';just be the bigger person'; went down the drain huh?<br >Although your father may be a complete failure at life, it sounds like everyone around him (with the exception of you) is trying to help him. Imagine what your family thinks of you acting so childish towards your father. I'm sure that since your grandparents are such nice people that they raised you with more values than what you are displaying. Frustration is a funny thing, but you can't let it run your life. You have made it quite apparent that you need to make a change in your own life, not your fathers.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-45196867090362024642010-08-20T21:51:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:51:02.470-07:00I'm 30 years old but I feel connected with a 16 year old, and want to take things further?PLEASE don't just read my headline and insult me without even having a clue of what I'm talking about..I asked this in another category, but would like to see if responses differ in this one.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Due to work related reason I had to move to Canada,BC 2and a half weeks ago and will be living there for 6-8 months. I don't know anyone here so I just went onto the craigslist to look for a roommate who had a spare room. I was so lucky and found an ad in a perfect area, Male Seeking roommate in a nice and clean 2 bedroom apartment on 5th floor. I arranged everything and phoned him and then met him the next day, The apartment was beautiful ,there was alot of nice furniture and fairly affordable (550 each) and the guy was real cute and real nice too!and fairly affordable. So I thought this would be perfect and we made an agreement. I think it was the 29th of August I actually moved in.<br><br /><br />Jamie (my roommate) was living there for the last 3 months and his other roommate had to leave, and couldn't afford a 2 bedroom by himself. We got along from the start real well, Before I moved from the US I wasn't expecting anything at all. He showed me around Vancouver, its actually quite pretty here. I thought he was at least 24 or 25, until we were talking about work and then said he starts school in September and I asked what courses, and then laughed and said I'm in High school;WHICH is when I discovered he was 16. I was actually VERY impressed and couldn't believe he was only 16, but the reason he lives independently is because his father was an alcoholic who he lived with, and his mother was a religious fanatic who turned into a drug addict. He goes to school until 3, goes to the gym everyday, and then straight to his work at a warehouse until 11pm making $13 an hour and comes back home exhausted, pays his own rent and food,and then works again full time on Saturday from Noon and part time on Sunday so I have so much respect for him, and I really do think he's amazing. He resents his parents and does not talk to them, they do not support him in anyway either.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I still don't know anyone around here, but he's the one person that I'd love to get to know better and hang out with while I'm living here, he's really interesting and kind but he doesn't have anyone, no brothers, he's all alone basically. Last Weekend, I asked him if he would like to stay home and hang out with me and we could spend all night watching movies together(we both have a good size collection) he seemed pretty happy about the idea and said sure. I was pretty excited I would get to bond with him a little more! That night I had my big blanket out with me on the couch and he was sitting at the very end and seemed a bit shy, I playfully said to come get comfortable with me and we can snuggle!...His face turned red for a sec but we ended up cuddled up together! The night ended up real fun and we stayed up until 4 before he fell asleep on me which was way too cute. I wasn't really implying anything other than a fun night,Almost from the beginning I felt something hard poking at me, but again I had NO intentions on taking it further. I'm not exactly sure if I have a ';crush'; on him,but indeed sexy, an extremely gorgeous body and just amazing overall. I just don't see him as a 16 year old, I don't intend on finding another guy while I'm here for a relationship, I'd rather spend time with Jamie and get to know him better because his age doesn't really mean anything to me at this point. To put it simple, when we both are free not working, we are doing stuff together-it just turned out that way. He's got a real awesome personality as well.On Sunday night he was a bit down and sad, sometimes when he thinks about his parents and how he grew up so fast,I knew, but he didn't say anything..So before we went to bed I grabbed him and gave him a real tight long hug and kissed him on the cheek and said goodnight.(I knew he needed it and I wanted to give it to him). I do know he's a virgin, we've talked about our views on that subject, he hasn't met a girl at school he's liked enough or his age. I've had sex with THREE guys in my life, but a part of me is wanting to get intimate with him eventually,possibly explore a bit beforehand, not now but eventually..It hasn't been that long yet, but after about a month or so I want to ask him about it, how do I bring this subject up with him without making it awkward? I know it seems crazy,I'm 30, but you would never think he was 16. Any advice, please!! Thank you so much.I'm 30 years old but I feel connected with a 16 year old, and want to take things further?<br >The best rule in any relationship is to put the other person's interests first. By all means continue your friendship with this young man, but refrain from anything physical, until he has more experience with girls his own age. There might be potential for a long-term friendship, maybe even more; but wait at least two years before going any further.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If you seduce this young man, you'll both be sorry in the long run; give him your support and friendship and he'll always be grateful.I'm 30 years old but I feel connected with a 16 year old, and want to take things further?<br >You can find a man just as easy as you found a boy in Canada. Get out there and meet somebody!<br >umm id have a masti instead 16 is too young<br >wow and they say all men are pervs<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />oh well... id say ur a pedo IMO<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />';I playfully said to come get comfortable with me and we can snuggle!';<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />are you serious?<br >PLEASE if you really care anything about him, then do what is right for him. You are self focused and he has had no one in his life willing to take him into consideration for the long term.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />How can you credit yourself as ';helping'; him when everything you're doing has an ulterior motive? You are only going to be here for a little while, you don't see any need in looking around because you are already interested in Jamie, you know he's only 16 buy you feel a special connection, you know he's a virgin but you already know that you want to be intimate with him. STOP!!!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You're being selfish---end it and let him try to have some semblance of normalcy in his life. He has a full plate already! You said so yourself. What you're doing is not kind and is selfish. Seriously!! He just needs a friend without him having to fill in your ';needs';. If he were already uber experienced then I could see you as considering this a fun fling, but he is a virgin and already has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Having sex with you would fill your needs during the short time he is here but can totally screw him up in the end. He should have a normal first time with a girl in his own age range (a girl---not a older woman). Think of him only then decide.<br >You should tread lightly! He MAY very well be of legal age, but you should really think about why you feel so attracted to him. Is there a part of you that is attracted to him because you really don't know anyone else there and he is a nice guy, as well as cute and seemingly self sufficient?<br><br /><br />You know that you will only be there for about 1/2 a year, do you really want to get intimately involved with anyone (on a personal level) let alone a very young guy who hasn't really explored dating with girls in his own age group yet? What happens to him when you leave? Will you be another ';adult'; that he feels has abandoned him, like his parents have?<br><br /><br />I really don't want to get into whether it's wrong or right, that's something that you (and he) need to decide for yourself! However, you both need to consider the ramifications of whatever you decide to do. All I can suggest is that you both think things through to the best of your ability and be sure that each understands and agrees to the ';liberties'; and limitations of whatever relationship you form.<br><br /><br />And you both need to be aware of and be prepared to deal with how other people around you may react to your situation.<br >I did read the whole post. My main question, before I got into any other things, concerned Canadian law. That's been answered. So now onto other things.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Mostly people are talking about protecting the ';boy.'; My immediate sense, however, is that you need to be aware of the possibilities and limitations for yourself.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Let me start out by saying the world is organized on a supreme double standard. Men typically get into relationships with partners who are much younger than they are. But--and I hope I'm not going to be skewered for just saying what happens to be true--time is kinder to men than it is to women. Men aren't assaulted by the same coursing hormones. Men don't experience menopause. Men can reproduce much longer than women can. And many men look better as they get older; women, not so much.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Now, in these days of extremely hot 50 year-old celebrities, the ideas about what will work in a relationship are changing somewhat. But in this case, I would say your relationship has a relatively short shelf life, and you need to be aware of that. Nothing wrong with sowing a few wild oats, but do you really think there's a good chance he'll still be interested when he's 26 and you're 40? Or when he's 40 and you're 54? His options will expand at the moment that yours begin to narrow and if you think you're falling ';in love,'; as it seems you might be from your narration, then you had better bear that in mind.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />On the other hand, you're both approaching your years of sexual peak, so what happens in the bedroom might be very exciting.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />So I guess I would say the best way to approach this is as a fun fling with maybe a deeper resonance that will very likely pass away--not as a serious, life-changing ';soul mate'; discovery. Part of the reason you can find him so ideal, it must be said, is that he IS inexperienced and so you can read into him all your hopes and desires and whatever you want. Time will change him, that's inevitable.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />In the meantime, enjoy what you have. Don't lay a whole lot of heavy crap over the relationship, and give him plenty of freedom.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />There is an ancient story called ';Gilgamesh.'; In that story, there is a young man called Enkidu who is wild. A priestess/courtesan from the temple of love is called upon to ';civilize'; him. The Shamhatu (as she is called) makes love to him six days and seven nights (an important ritual span of time in ancient Mesopotamia) after which Enkidu learns to be fully a man.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />The Shamhatu then LETS HIM GO.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You see my point, Kitten?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck! :)<br >Don't cross that line! Your a adult he's a child still developing!<br >i completely agree with diamonds. u are taking advantage. he is obviously going through a rough time and u snuggling up to him will not help that. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />he is a boy. i am 14, and i feel that outraged by this question. if a guy did ask this, police would be on his door in two minutes. women should not be allowed a 'sexual predator free pass' <br><br /><br />what u are doing is wrong. get away from him before u do something u both regret. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />i cant believe that no one has swore at u. a man would not recieve this much sympathy. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />U ARE A SEXUAL PREDATOR!<br >I see alot of people on here that are immature but even so you have to look at the big picture. YES he sounds very mature for his age but he still is only 16 please give him time to grow and become great friends but wait atleast for 2 years when he is an adult legally and then if you both feel the same move head but you have to remind yourself when you are 50 he will be in his 30's 14 years is a long time gap and he is underage. I wish you and this young man the best.<br >1. I dont think anybody is going to read your entire post<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />2. Ur a weirdo to even think you can be in a relationship with a 16 yo<br >Go for it! Jump that young guys bones!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />But don't expect anything long-lasting.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Go instead for the sheer rush of pleasure from young meat!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck and good times to you!<br >I'm not reading all that crap. And yes, he's too young for you.<br >You are taking advantage of a vulnerable boy. You are way too experienced for him. Hes already had to grow up too fast - dont add to that.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I hope youre not serious - if it was a guy posting this everyone would be outraged. And a 16 year old boy has the maturity of a 14 year old girl. My little brother is almost 15 and i would kick any 30 year old womans a** who tried anything with him in a year.<br >i really do understand your situation and how you feel dont get me wrong. iam going to say that you may want to see other people. find some sites online, bars where you guys live, or the popular hang out spots and meet someone a tad bit older. hes only 16 years old and yes hes living the life of an adult but still hes young and vulnerable. i couldnt pursue someone of this age, and if i had the exact feelings you do, i would take the most coldest shower ever. iam a hater of pedophilia and iam not saying that youre a pedophile, but hes a child totally back off like now. i wish you the best i really do, but if youre gonna be a cougar lol upgrade your age interest just some. my best wishes :)<br >lol I can't believe I took all the time to read everything you posted. I know I';m going to get some thumbs down for my answer but I could care less.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You guys seem like you'd work out well tougher. Age is but only a number my friend :). I'd love to tell you why I think this but now that is just TMI haha. But anyways I think you should just see how things work out. It seems things are going very well so far as I said before you should keep a good watch on this boy he reminds me of the character Jamie I read in a book recently XD. I'll be thinking about you wondering how this works out for you :). I'm always open for a conversation or email me. My IM is on my yahoo page if you want to talk. I hope things work out the way you want them too.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />~Simone<br >I read your entire post :P..<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />But I dont think you should pursue anything with him.. I think youre attracted to him because he the first person you bonded with, its something new, aaaand there is the forbidden fruit factor.. I think deep down you know that it would be messed up for you to be with a 16 year old kid.. Sure its appealing right now, but he is young and in the long run, yall will most likely end up parting ways because he has yet to live life and whatnot.. Id just leave it alone, yall should find people your own age to associate with, a 16 and 30 year old only have so much in common before it gets awkward.. PLUS with him growing up so fast, having a girlfriend your age wouldnt help matters<br >Hetero, homo or bi, there are way many jurisdictions here in the USA where an adult messing around with a sixteen-year-old could land the adult in jail for years, where he will not receive welcome treatment. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You're in Canada, so talk to a Canadian lawyer. I'm sure they have some kind of Age of Consent and Statutory Rape provisions in the law. If he's just too young under the law, forget it -- stay away. Even a very well-intentioned cuddle session could turn into a felony if either of you ejaculates (and if I recall age 16, it didn't take much!). I'm tempted to say stay away anyway until he's at least 17 no matter how acceptable, but I'm not sure you would listen to me. Canada has a great human-rights record but they have laws, and you will receive no special treatment just because you came out of the USA. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Besides, what do you know about his background, relationship with parents and so on? Even if he is intellectually interesting I wouldn't take it farther than gym-spotting each other or meeting in public for coffee. If you can't take that, and Lord knows nobody will blame you if you can't, then the only ethical thing is to stay away. Change your living quarters if you must.<br >no one wants to read your life story. secondly it doesnt matter how close you think you feel it is wronge till he is 18 y does age matter becuase thats how it is not sure of all the senses in the situation but it is still more likely illegal. dont know bout canada but in america i think he can get parental cosent. who knows<br >Lucky guy.. heheh.<br >I would check on the laws in Canada first. I'm sure you know in the US. it would be statutory rape to have sex with a 16 y/o. If it's not against the law then I'd say go with your feelings. You're 14 years older than him, I'm 17 years older than my wife but of course I met her when she was 25. Sometimes age difference isn't that important, ';sometimes';. post script: You are probably older than most of those on this site giving you advice so you have to consider that too. Just use your head and do what you feel is right for you, but do it legally.<br >Can someone say JAILBAIT!!! oh wait did I hear COUGAR?!?!?!? You need to go out and find someone your own age....thats weird....very strange.....I mean at least wait till he's 18 lady!!! You need to find a MAN NOT A BOY!!!!!!<br >The legal age is 16 in Canada, so that takes away the problem of statutory rape.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm 14 years older than my partner, but then I'm in my mid 50s and he's in his early 40s which gives us a lot more life experience in common. If anything, he's the ';brake'; on my impetuosity, and when I'm all gung-ho to go skydiving from a plane he's the one who will remind me I had my knee replaced just six months ago and is skydiving REALLY such a good idea!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If I were going to make a suggestion: work on becoming friends -- and very good friends, at that -- before even considering introducing sex into the relationship. You already have a good deal of life experience which he doesn't; and one thing which is common among gay and straight guys is that our first real romantic and sexual experience is really intense and it's real easy for us to get our hearts broken. He may be gorgeous, and look and act like an adult, but he is still 16 years old. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm not saying that you shouldn't have a relationship with him at some point, but I don't think you want to risk breaking his heart, especially while the two of you are sharing a lease -- so my suggestion would be to GO SLOW.<br >I hope u read this message up to the end and u think about it.<br><br /><br />seriously.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />ah you pretty much<br><br /><br />suck in life<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />i hope u give this boy a break<br><br /><br />the age gap of what, 14, 15 years is not the one that is bothering here.<br><br /><br />age is but a number they say BUT<br><br /><br />he's 16 for crying out loud!<br><br /><br />His life struggles may have forced him to act maturely,<br><br /><br />older than his age but he is still a KID.<br><br /><br />you are taking advantage of this boy.<br><br /><br />and to think you making your moves to seduce him<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />..I playfully said to come get comfortable with me and we can snuggle <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />repulsive exploitation.<br><br /><br />and him being young, an adolescent in heat, ranging hormones and not-so-a-few problems on his shoulders.. <br><br /><br />he could be an easy victim.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />i read your whole story,got me irritated.<br><br /><br />%26amp; not coz it was too long.<br><br /><br />but u could have told it in a shorter manner<br><br /><br />but you just had to make a fuss of stating every detail<br><br /><br />to make the situation sound acceptable.<br><br /><br />constantly mentioning that he acts so mature<br><br /><br />and he doesn't seem to be a mere 16 yo boy.<br><br /><br />And by doing this I wonder, are you convincing the readers? <br><br /><br />or yourself?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Stop being selfish. If the boy is precious to you let him live his life.<br><br /><br />He supports himself. He studies he works. That already too much to take.<br><br /><br />He's young, hes got so much more ahead of him.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Your lonely. I mean come on, your 30 with out a guy by your side yet, your family may be not around. And your converting that loneliness into unstable emotions for this boy who is also lonely.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You bond. He shares with u his problems.<br><br /><br />maybe ur the 1 he trust for now<br><br /><br />with this he might consider u as a friend <br><br /><br />moreover his mentor. <br><br /><br />that said <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I WISH <br><br /><br />I JUST WISH YOU WILL NOT BE THE ONE TO MISLEAD HIM.<br >I don't know the laws in Canada, but I suggest you check them out before doing anything more that could lead to physical relations with this young man. Although he is mature for his age, he is still just a teenager. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />He's also very vulnerable because of his family situation (or lack of it) and it might be easy to lead him into an unfortunate (and probably illegal) relationship.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Stop now and find out what the law is. In the USA, you could end up in jail if you have a sexual relationship with anyone under the age of 18. I also suggest stopping for his sake. You are, supposedly, the adult in this situation, and need to act like one. He is still not much more than a child and his judgment is not fully developed.<br >First off I read the entire post I think its sweet<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /> But I don't think you should go any further with him. I think the only reason you find him attractive is because he is one of the first people you met and you are starting to bond with. Also maybe your the type that likes stuff you know you shouldn't have. In the long run if you do decide to take it further one or the both of you will get hurt. You ,for him leaving you for someone younger. Him, for you leaving him for someone more mature, or both for just the realization that the age difference is going to have a huge impact he has yet to experience certain things that you might have and one of you might get frustrated with each other because you aren't understanding where the other is coming from. I believe this is the biggest reason why you rarely ever see any couples with age difference of those magnitudes. Try seeing other men or getting to know other people you might realize that you were just interested because he is the only guy you know, if your still into him though then by all means pursue him ';the heart wants what the heart wants.'; Hearing about that hard thing poking you sounds like he is interested too, then again he is a teen boy and any type of cuddling or intimacy would get him hard<br >Therein lies the problem. Whether you see him as a 16 year old boy or not , he still is 16. That makes him totally off limits to a 30 year old woman. You are not a teenager anymore honey, and what you are proposing is immoral and illegal.<br><br /><br /> Get a life and move on . You are old enough to be his mother and the kind of relationship he is looking for from you is that of a mother he didn't get. If you seduce him , I hope they put you in jail and label you a sex offender, because that is what you are headed for. He is already carrying enough baggage from adults that have screwed up his life. He doesn't need you to contribute to that.<br >First of all: I don't think you're a pederast or doing anything illegal. Personally, I don't like to have double standards. If a 30 year old guy was in the same situation with a 16 year old girl, all kinds of red flags would be going off. But I do have a little bit of a double standard (I'm not proud about it).<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />The reason for the double standard: There is less of a stigma involved for a younger guy and an older woman. People will notice, but the reactions range from ';how fortuitous'; to ';he's being taken advantage of';. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />On the other hand: 16 year olds typically are at a different level of emotional development than a 30 year old ... or a 22 year old. A 16 year old may have expectations and assumptions that a 30 year has completely forgotten about. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If you do become intimate, make sure you both understand each others expectations as well as possible, knowing that he may not even understand his own. Bringing it up will be awkward. If it's just as awkward for you as it is for him, then that means it's less likely that you're taking advantage of him. But having known him for less than 3 weeks, and his being able to afford to live there being dependent on you makes it more likely. What do you think is going to happen in 6-8 months when your job could take you elsewhere? <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />It sounds like you're physically and emotionally attracted to him, and that he's at least physically attracted to you. Maybe emotionally, I can't tell, and people who have crushes usually have difficulty telling too. If you do go forward, tread carefully.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />EDIT (3 DAYS LATER): the more I think about this, I realize that it may have been something similar to what I would have fantasized about when I was 16, or when I was in my 20s, fantasized about it having happend to me when I was 16. But fantasies are not real life. I also had fantasies about lining up all the girls in my class naked, and then picking several to have sex with. And that's clearly disturbing if it were to really happen. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I would suggest telling him, in your own words, that you're naturally an open and affectionate person, and forget sometimes that he's 16, and that you aren't intending to be teasing him. <br><br /><br />You've already been sending him signals, and he's already been thinking about them, so you've already affected his life (and he yours, to a lesser degree). It's not unusual for you to find a young person attractive, especially if your age-dar pegged him at 24. And it says something good about your character that you're now confounded about it, when you found out he was 16 not 25, after your crush started. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luckMaryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-61815739347155434772010-08-20T21:50:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:50:38.481-07:00How can i forgive and be proud of my alcoholic dad when i can't?We just had a family reunion after a 9-day novena prayer for my grandma who just passed away 2 weeks ago. I was so sad bec. she was so close to me and took care of me when my mom left us when i was still 6.It was bec. of my dad who is an alcoholic and used to fight with my mom that made her fly away into another country %26amp; leave all the responsibility with my grandparents,aunts and uncles. After the reunion, i am starting to become an angry person i can't help but compare %26amp; see how sad %26amp; unhappy my childhood was while all of my cousins have great families.i blame it all to my alcoholic dad. Everyone in our family %26amp; in the place where we live knows my dad is an alcoholic,out-of-school,unemployed guy while all of his cousins are so happy,successful and wealthy.Before my dad has lots of money coz my grandpa still has a business but it went bankrupt,but now my dad is now alone, we don't have our own house,just renting an apartment,he has no money and depends on my aunt to support him. I love him but i feel i am not a daughter to him for all those years when i was still young, he never cared about my school,never paid for my studying but just care about his friends and drinking. I feel tremendous shame, guilt, anger, resentment and can't help ask why i have such an unhappy childhood. I feel so bad and so angry of my broken past bec. of my dad. I don't know how to forgive my past,my dad, myself. I don't know how i can build up my self-esteem when people think of my dad as good-for-nothing guy. It hurts so much. My aunts keeps making me feel guilty that i have to take care of my dad bec. he is my responsibility.But i feel so helpless bec. i just graduated and will start my job in a call center next week. All i can help is contribute a part of my salary to aunt for my dad. But i still feel guilty and angry of the fact that my dad keeps on being a parasite to my aunt. I don't know how i can move on. I pray to God but so many things i cannot understand and it is the question of why did God made me live such a sad and broken childhood?why is my dad unlike those other dads who are kind,loving and responsible for their children and not let the relatives take the responsibility. I sometimes think i must be cursed and wanted so much to break the curse but don't know how. I keep praying to God that i would still love and honor my dad. But now, it makes it so hard bec. reality slams it to my face that i can never proud of my father.I wanted to be but i don't see what can make me. How do you forgive a father who has deprived you of the kind of childhood that every child has longed for?How can i forgive and be proud of my alcoholic dad when i can't?<br >Don't worry. I'm 14 and ever since i can remember, my dad goes to work late and comes home in the morning. I still don't know where he goes and used to think that he was cheating on my mom but he said that he was just drinking. The worst part is that we actually had like this little family meeting with me, my younger sister, my mom, and my dad. Me and my sister sent a note to him and we all cried over why he was doing it. I was the brave one. I went to hug him and i was relieved he knew about all the pressure i felt about everyone in my family knowing that he is a hardcore drinker. He stopped after a while . But that didn't stop him. It happened again ...and again...and it broke my heart about how he knew how i felt but still did it...i don't know what to tell you because i'm still figuring out myself but stay strong. Never be ashamed of the man , who even as imperfect he may be, cared for you because a lot worse things could've happened and always try to look on the bright side because no matter what ,, he's still your dad. Don't let alcohol and your past get in the way of a potential bright future. (Although i'm still trying to convince myself of that!)How can i forgive and be proud of my alcoholic dad when i can't?<br >you should blame he has he rt you severely your a strong with group therapy and asking questions your so hang in there<br >Your not responsible for your Dad at all,he is responsible for his own life and health.All you can do is get on with your life and try too make the best of your future. Try your best not to think about your pass so much. Contact someone with';AA'; to get some help for your dad,I hope everything works out for you. Just ask God too give you the spiritual help your going to need to over come your pass,and excel in your future.Good Luck and God Bless You I will keep you in my prayers.<br >You are not responsible to care for your dad! You responsibility ends when you try to get him to seek help, perhaps provide the number of AA or other organization and that's that.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If your other realatives want to ';care'; for him they are acting as ';enablers'; and that will not help in the end. You may want to join Alanon, for family of alcoholics. You will find others like yourself who have been dealing with the same problems you have been.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You need some emotional support. Don't count on your family members for that, they want to pass the buck to you. You don't owe your father anything. It was his life to do as he saw fit and he made his decisions. You need to make good sound decisions for yourself and not be strapped to your father.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Many of us have had crummy childhoods. We can't get them back. On the other hand even those with ';good'; childhoods have had problems, it's the nature of life. Get help for yourself so you feel supported and strong enough to do what you need to do.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You don't have to be proud of a man who didn't seek help for himself. At some point you may feel sorry for him, but probably not until you feel strong and have a good sense of yourself.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Keep truckin' and you'll be ok. Thanks for reaching out- it's a first step.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-77244611715639621212010-08-20T21:50:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:50:16.054-07:00How can I tell if my boyfriend is an alcoholic or if he just ';enjoys'; a few drinks nearly every night?Every night he is home after work, he drinks what he refers to as a ';few drinks';--1-6 beers. Last night I asked him to please don't drink everyday but on occasion with friends or whatever, and he didn't listen. It really hurt me. I asked him why he didn't listen to me and he said because he wants to have a ';few';. I think he may have a serious problem and don't get me wrong, I love him to death and he loves me. He is a great provider and helps me and all, but its just hard. He is so wonderful to my family..(Mom, dad, sister, grandparents). He just doesn't understand that it is hurting me. I have never known anyone who drinks a six pack a day and calls them a ';few'; drinks. I really love him but it is hurting me. I already have a friend who drinks more then a ';few'; and he is a full blown alcoholic. I don't want the one I love and live with to be like him. What should I do?How can I tell if my boyfriend is an alcoholic or if he just ';enjoys'; a few drinks nearly every night?<br >he's an alcoholic if alcohol interferes with his daily functioningHow can I tell if my boyfriend is an alcoholic or if he just ';enjoys'; a few drinks nearly every night?<br >Why is that hurting you? Even if he does have 6, why is that a problem to you? If he was getting drunk and abusive and/or missing work or it was adversely effecting your life I could understand it, but you haven't said any reason why you feel it's a problem.<br >he is an alcoholic if he is hiding drinks and drinking during the day and stuff. if he is only drinking around his friends thendon't worry aboutit.<br >He's an alcoholic if he ';needs'; at least one per day and it changes his mood if he dosn't get it.<br >maybe you coudl find out if his phone has drunken texts hehe, but that'd be a little sneaky<br >Girl i could tell the difference when my man went crazy over a tiny misunderstanding and got physical **** THAT but i put him in check its not like that anymore I love him so much u just have to decide if its worth it mama. The #1 first thing you need to do is attend an Al-Anon meeting, seriously they really help. If he is a alcoholic then that makes you a co-dependent, which is not at all a bad thing you just need help of your own if you are going to deal with the situation and make it last and work out with your man.<br><br /><br />P.S. DEFINITION OF:<br><br /><br />alcoholic-needing to have at LEAST 1 beer or drink a day<br><br /><br />drinking problem-when if interferes with everyday life and becomes a problem but u refuse to stop!!<br >My mom, (who is an alcoholic %26amp; has been sober for 30+years), says one of the ways you can tell if someone is an alcoholic is whether or not they can have one drink and stop for the evening. Even though there are a few who only drink when it's not a work day, once they do lift the bottle, they drink until they're totally drunk. (The alcoholics refer to this as ';one drink, one drunk.';)<br><br /><br /> If you ask me, you need to look at hanging your hat someplace else, as this could get a whole lot worse before it gets better. That is, IF it gets better down the road at all.<br><br /><br /> You should go to an AlAnon meeting and get some advice and insight there.<br >it sounds like he definitely has a chemical dependency on alcohol, even if he's not becoming violent or anything. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Try have another serious talk with him. Tell him that his drinking is hurting you. Make sure he knows that his habit is affecting your relationship. Ask him if the beer is more important to him than you. If he answers the beer, then it's time to find a new boyfriend.<br >I don't know if he's really an alcoholic... if he isn't actually getting drunk every night or it isn't messing with his social/work life then it might be he just likes to drink a lot.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />BUT<br><br /><br />since it does bother you, you might need to have an intervention. but seeing as he doesn't listen when it's just you talking, you'll need to get other people on board.<br><br /><br />Try to get one of his friends to talk to him in a man to man sort of way.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />perhaps then he'll see it's not just you and make the effort to change.<br >Wake up sweetie. Your boyfriend is an alcoholic. He is a functioning alcoholic such as being able to put on a good face around family and friends, able to work hard and keep a job, but he is still an alcoholic. It's not an easy life for someone who lives with an alcoholic as you are finding out. It's not much of a good life with their favorite activity being sitting around and drinking. You haven't had any physical abuse yet, but you are getting the verbal end of it. That can change for the worse if he continues.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />He understands that he is hurting you. He just loves his booze more than he cares about how you feel. Get used to it. If he won't stop, this is your life and it only gets worse. You have the choice to go or stay. I would hope that you would want something better for yourself.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-53233030648320191872010-08-20T21:49:00.003-07:002010-08-20T21:49:49.385-07:00My fiance is an alcoholic...should I marry him?My fiance is a wonderful man, but he is also an alcoholic. He manages to keep his drinking confined to the late night hours, but he drinks himself into a stupor to go to sleep every night. He goes to work every day, and he spends most of his life sober. He is very healthy and responsible in every other aspect of his life. He has tried to quit in the past, but always relapses. He has told me that he doesn't think he can quit, so if I marry him I take him as he is. He is nearly perfect in every other way, but I'm worried about how his addiction might affect our life together...should I learn to live with his habit and marry him anyway, or should I say goodbye to the man of my dreams because I am afraid of his addiction? Please help!My fiance is an alcoholic...should I marry him?<br >Do NOT marry an alcoholic. Especially one who is making no effort whatsoever to seek the help he so desperately needs.My fiance is an alcoholic...should I marry him?<br >The heck they don't realize it! They do, which makes them feel worse and drink. 1 yr sobriety, minimum.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /> A complicated, terrible cycle , you are never sure, even when they have been sober for yrs, yet my family members married alcoholics, some of them stopped. When they stop blaming everyone . <p><span>Report Abuse</span></p><br /> <br >I deal with a drinking spouse everynight. Eventually the alcohol takes your spot for their comfort and they faze you out altogether. I would say to NOT get married because you will be in for many more problems then just the alcohol. It causes much grief and the drinker doesn't realize it and continues to drink anyway. Good luck.<br >say goodbye to him, aloholic is dreadful diease. it causes nothing but hardship and trouble in more ways than one ,,,<br >Since he won't change this destructive behaviour, absolutely not.<br><br /><br />If you'll wait, then only do so when he's a few years clean and sober.<br><br /><br />There is no such thing as 'learning to live with his habit' - it will destroy and control your life. Why are you even dating him? Why in the world would have you said yes to a proposal??? You need some counselling, as well....<br >Honey, I'm sorry, but say goodbye to him. I know you won't believe me, but you'll find another man.<br >if you love him then go for it! it's not that hard to convince him to quit that habit <br><br /><br />that way u help him from there deadly diseases and got him 4 u. : )<br >Don't be foolish, run, run as fast as you can, away from this person. He has a serious mental problem and drinks to avoid issues in his life.<br><br /><br /> He's not going to get any better in fact, probably worse and now, you think your going to go right in there and cure him? your wrong, he'll start blaming you for all his new troubles.<br><br /><br /> If he doesn't want to get help now, he never will, get out of that situation now.<br >Neither, tell him that you cant marry him while he finds excuses to drink. Him saying he cant quit is just a cop out. Just take the alcohol away from him, bit by bit.<br >I knowingly married an alchoholic. Don't do it. You will end up with a broken heart, and if you have children, they will be damaged by his alcoholism. Go to Al-anon before you make up your mind. I started going after he left me an wish I had years ago!<br >Do not marry this man .....they say counsling helps but it doesn't he has to do it on his own and if he is telling you that he can't quit then he won't quit counsling might help some but some it doesn't it just makes them worse...they will controll your whole life....you will be living in nightmares all the time..you can't plan for anything do to his drinking you will be ashame to go out with him because he will embarrase you in public he might seem nice now but it won't last...good luck in what ever you decide but I would say dump him now<br >Listen there are a lot of things that can drive someone to the bottle. Alcohol of course is not the answer and you and I both know this. You have to get your fiance to see that it is wrong. I mean maybe he has a reason for drowning his sorrows in alcohol. He might have some demons that he does not quite want to face. I would say no to the whole marriage thing right. I mean just until he seeks out some kind of help. Not only are you putting yourself in danger by being involved with a man that drinks. But he himself is basically slowing killing himself. The things that liquor can do to your liver and other major organs are quite alarming. Just sit him down and tell him how you feel. Also once you accomplish that then tell him that it's either you or the liquor? And just explain to him that you can not just sit back and watch him through his life away with every single swallow he takes. Just be prepared for the excuses. However if you do decide to marry him you will have to worry about him and any children you produce in the future also. Children implement what they see. So that is something else to consider. Get him in to a rehab or an AA group soon. If he is truly committed to stopping his addiction to alcohol he will stop. I did.<br >he has a problem ,does it affect you?/ IE violence or abuse,, it wont go away so you are going to have to deal with it..hard choice<br >As a sober alcoholic with almost 9 years of sobriety, my advice is to run for your life. Your guy has told you that he's an alcoholic and has no intention of getting sober. Over time, untreated alcoholism only gets worse, never better, and you are in for a life of heartache. I do not care if he is the man of your dreams, your life will be a nightmare if you marry him. Do not listen to the people who tell you that your love and support will get him sober--trust me, you're a human being, and you simply don't have the power to get anyone sober.<br >hell no, you only going to find yourself hurt in the end. what happens if the money gets low and you can't get his drink and it turns violent or bills don't get paid. Some people don't know that the one they love are alcoholics and never had a chance but you know so it's best that you get out of that relationship fast<br >Despite what everyone else is suggesting, which seems to be that if you love him, you should stay with him and help him, I don't think love has anything to do with this at all. It seems that he has no desire to change and probably won't even if you threaten to leave him. And while you are married to him, how many arguments and problems will you have that will stem from his drinking? He drinks only at night...but it won't stay that way forever. What if you had kids? Do you really want to risk your entire life and the lives of your children if he doesnt change? He drinks himself into a stupor because he doesnt have control. Think about it. Do you want to spend everyday as a wife being worried? Don't accept him and take him as he is simply because he is givng you an ultimatum.<br >my mom married my dad and thought the same thing. he drank at night and paid the bill during the day. but then he got to drinking during the day and not going to work and fighting and throwing things and then the cops were called and then he went to jail and then it happened all over again, then he got hooked to worse things and things went to complete hell and now my parents are divoriced and my dads in jail and has six felonies and no its not a good idea. if you have kids. they go through complete hell. i cant look at one positive thing from the time i was born till i turned 15. im 19 and i am tarnished by it. every aspect of my life is somehow affected.<br >I've been where you are now and I married the guy anyway. We were fine for awhile, but his drinking became worse and he became very unpredictable. He was a completely different person when he was drinking. I hadn't realized how boring it is when everybody around you is drunk. What he really needed was someone who could match him drink for drink and build a life around the bars in the area and didn't need a home life. Unfortunately I brought children into this marriage and when the children were old enough to realize their dad had a problem I needed to figure out how to explain it to them. I had to let them know it was a problem and it was NOT okay. In order to have a somewhat normal life for me and my children, we were divorced when they were young. He straightened up his act a little and married his drinking partner. He never completely got on the wagon so I can't imagine what his liver looks like! After the divorce the children were happier. Their dad had specific times he could see them and he had to be sober or he couldn't see them. He did see them frequently and could control his drinking when he wanted to. Everybody is grown up now (except my ex-husband). I never put down their dad and let them make their own decisions. (I just asked them not to judge him too harshly because that was just his way.) He still loved the children but was unable to be a proper father to them because of his drinking. Frankly, I don't miss cleaning up after him. My advice is ';Don't Do It';. You will always come second to the drinking.<br >Well then,try this.<br><br /><br />one day,when the two of you are alone in the house,and when he is in a good mood.you suddendly burst into tears,or sob loudly in the corner of the room.then confess to him that you are worried.then cry cry cry.<br><br /><br />He will then(hopefully) show his sympathy by quitting.<br >I suggest waiting and try to get him to cut back before taking a large step<br >Get him to commit to a programme like the AA has, don't even consider it. Alcohol leads to abuse in way too many cases. Even his.<br >No!!! They only get worse. I know, my ex-wife is one, and in 4 years it only got worse.<br >absolutely do not marry him. you are asking for a life time of misery.<br><br /><br />he may be perfect in every other way but this addiction is the deal breaker.<br><br /><br />please run as fast as you can from this relationship.<br >i think you should go ahead and marry him.<br><br /><br />if u really love him,stay with him n be there for him n most importantly help him with his problem.<br >If you love him like you say you do, demand counseling or you're walking. Hopefully it won't come to that, cause it sounds like he's got some really good qualities. But, his problem is robbing both him and you. Its robbing your finances by having to support his habit, and then, at night, if he drinks until he's passed out, that is robbing you of those special late night times you guys should be having. If you say the ';i do's';, its your fault then.... you know his problem. If/when he realizes HIS problem and fixes it, then, ok, run down that aisle gal....but until then, heck NO.<br >are you kidding? picture yourself in 10 years having to deal with this problem.it would be a situation you brought onto yourself.dont marry this guy until he gets his life in order.<br >How much do you care to be with this individual? A point that would be good to bring up is there are four areas of marriage. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />First area is the things that you know that you know. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Second area is the things that you know that you DO NOT know.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Third area is the things you DO NOT know that you know.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Fourth area is the things that you DO NOT know that you DO NOT know.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />With all that said and from personal experience, you marring an individual should be a thing that you know that you know. Right now, it seams this problem is in the you know that you DO NOT know.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Furthermore, if you go ahead and actually do marry this individual against what a majority of the multitude of counsel has suggested, then it would be suggested to protect yourself from any pain this situation might bring. Further, another choice you have is to attempt to motive him to change from being a alcoholic to a non-alcoholic. Good luck with that one though.<br >I think you're forgetting the 3rd option, which is to help him get help. He CAN do this - and it will be MUCH easier if you're there to help him. Just don't be an enabler by pretending it isn't a problem, and at the same time don't make him feel weak or selfish when he relapses. Alcoholism is a very complex disease - if you really love him, I suggest AA for him and Al-Anon for you.<br >I would suggest getting him to go to counselling. There could be a much deeper emotional issue to his drinking. I would not marry him at the moment, until he has sorted it out. Things will get worse and worse the more he continues to drink<br >No, You should not jump into it. <br><br /><br />Alcoholics is a form of addiction.He need to go for counsellings and treatment. If he so really love you and want to be with you as soul mate, seriously ask him to consider go for treatments.<br><br /><br />Saying '; he doesn't think he can quit'; is just an accuse from reality.<br><br /><br />To love and cherished someone whom you really love, is the Power of love and I believe and had faith he can overcome it and if he really love you.So do please considered your option carefully.<br >to be frank ,i will tell u to quit.<br><br /><br />even if he is good in other ways it will become worse.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-45782349908830728472010-08-20T21:49:00.002-07:002010-08-20T21:49:38.212-07:00My Moms an Alcoholic???Need Help!!My mom as been an alcoholic for the last 13 months.<br><br /><br />She drinks very heavily she drinks Vodka neat and downs it like pop she can usually drink about 2 off the big bottles of vodka a day plus 4 cans of strong bow, she would get herself in to some bad states!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />She as lost my little sister, my brother as moved out.<br><br /><br />She has lost her job, she got done for drink driving and got banned for 3 years, she got herself in to loads of debt.<br><br /><br />I did used to live with her but i couldnt take it any longer because she would get violent and take it out on me, plus i would always come back from work and she would be drunk,the house would be a right mess, i would do all the shopping for her etc.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />She as caused alot of hurt and pain because of this!<br><br /><br />I no its supposed to be an illness but i just think sometimes she does this to hurt all of us because she is being selfish??<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I have tried helping her in al the ways possible and so has the rest of my family but she just doesnt want to help herself.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />My little sister is only 7 and she is so confused by this she thinks her mom doesn't love her etc Its really sad :-(<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Has any1 else been though this or have got any advice on how to help my mom???<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Thanks My Moms an Alcoholic???Need Help!!<br >I was in the same situation with my Dad, and im sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but there really is not anything you can do. Your mum has got to want to help herself. It's heartbreaking to watch somebody you love do this to themselves. Their must have been somthing happen in your mums life that made her turn to drink, and untill she deals with that then there is not much chance of her getting better. I got to the point with my dad where i couldn't bear to watch him do that to himself. So I stopped answeing the phone calls, going round and even stopped him seeing my son (i don't believe its in the childs best interest to see a loved one in that state.). Eventually, after one very lonely christmas, he realised what meant more to him, his family or the bottle and tried to go cold turkey on his own and was very ill. I got him admitted to hospital and he sorted himself out. So there can be light at the end of the tunnel. Unfortunatley there is nowhere for relatives of alcoholics to go for advice. I rang his gp and explained what was going on and he went round to the house to see if he could help. My dad was not receptive to this but maybe your mum would be. Please feel free to email me if you want any advice, or just somebody to talk to about this. I know how alone it makes you feel, im 22 and an only child so had to deal with this on my own. But always remember that you are not alone and that there are more people out there who have been through this too. In all honesty though. I really don't think it is appropriate for your little sister to have contact with your mum. She is at a very impressionable age and must be extemley confused and upset. She is not really old enough to have to deal with these kind of things and she should't be seeing your mum in the state she is in. You have to put her best intrests first, even though at the moment you probably feel that your mum needs all the attention. Alcoholism is a psycological illness. but it affects the people around the alcoholic too, not just the person who is diong the drinking.<br><br /><br />Hope this helps<br><br /><br />xxxMy Moms an Alcoholic???Need Help!!<br >Hi,you are in a terrible situation.The only way to help your mam is by tough love.Leave her to get on with it.I hope for you %26amp; the rest of your family your mam realises she is an alcoholic then she will go %26amp; get help.Hope this is soon.<br><br /><br />Good Luck<br >Sorry to hear about this. Well you need to try and advise her to see a professional on how to help her. Or if she won't listen to her try and get a close mate or another family member to talk to her. Sorry I can't be of much help. <br >get some help<br >Im sorry for your situation. My mum is an alcoholic. Not in the same way as yours, but all the same it has affected my family badly. My mum goes out to work everyday, but as soon as she finishes she locks herself in her bedroom and gets out of her head on vodka/gin etc.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />We dont know what to do, you cant help someone who doesnt think they have a problem. You need to shock her into it when she is sober, make her feel embarrased about it, ANYTHING, as long as she realises what she is doing to you all.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I hope you get through to her, and i hope we get through to mine. Hey im here to chat if u want anytime - lollybluk@yahoo.co.uk.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck<br >This is a very sad question but sadly all to common. Alcoholism is an illness and the nature of this illness is.. The drink is more important than anything else in the persons life so that's where the selfisness comes into it...I think the answer from Learner covers it all. You can't help the alcoholic they can only help themself..all you can do is , take care of you , don't get involved with her drinking in any way.. do not enable her at all...you stay away and hopefully one day she will see the light<br >My heart truly goes out to you. My best mates Mother was an alcoholic for years from when she was aged about 10 years upwards. My mate is 42 now and still talks about the pain and hard time she went through with her mother.<br><br /><br />The first thing to know is alcoholism IS an illness and an addiction. You simply are not able to just stop. The person has to truly want to stop and never drink a drop again for life. My friend went through what you have described with her mum. Her Mum died aged 62 of alcohol related illness.<br><br /><br />It sounds like you have done as much as is humanely possible to help her. Please don;t feel guilty for moving out. You had to do that for your own sanity and safety.<br><br /><br />It sounds like she is not interested in rehab program. All you can do is seek support from rest of your family and show your mother you still care. (as you have been doing already!)<li><a href='http://myspace-pics-mn.blogspot.com/'>myspace pics</a></li><li><a href='http://www.skinskin.com.cn/human-skin/'>human skin</a></li>Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-54079742843063221592010-08-20T21:49:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:49:21.784-07:00Can I at 26 sue my father for court order back child support?OK Here it is in a nutshell. I recently started the process of obtaining the back pay my father owes. I was told it is possible it will be my mother who has to sign the contract and legally belong to her she is living with her mother and she has a looser boyfriend (Im talking ';supposedlly'; just got off crack type of looser) So the past is... <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />My father left to Az after he was ordered to pay child support for me and my 2 brothers ( He owes about 64thousand and it probably can be obtained since he has property and money. ) I was 2 when he left and my little brother he saw once in the hospital day he was born then we never saw or heard from him until 8 yrs later. He only graced us with his presence since he was coming to his fathers funeral. Which he told his new wife about us on the airplane to Tx from Az! Then he was in and out of my life I lived with him for less than a yr at age 11, at 13 for a few months and at 19 for a few months. He never changed was and is an self- centered alcoholic. But he lived comfortably always.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /> We on the other hand had a miserable life with my mom we lived in ';projects'; (only white kids there) Our mom was married twice more and had many looser boyfriends She was and still is a drug addict and alcoholic. She is now paying the terrible price for her life style and suffers from the liver disease Hepatitis C. There is so much I cant even begin to describe we went though because of our selfish parents. We have had to struggle not to became a product of our enviorment. So to the point.. Am I wrong for feeling like we deserve anything obtained from my dad and not the majority to my mom? How should I tell her I feel like we deserve most of it? I have college loans I could pay off ...my brother just had a baby. She has made so many bad choices and would just blow it on her and her boyfriend.Can I at 26 sue my father for court order back child support?<br >Only if your mother kept the case currentCan I at 26 sue my father for court order back child support?<br >i dont think so.... the child support is not for you, its for your mother. I know she is suppossed to use it on you the courts dont ever award the money directly to the kids.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-59912733190897416642010-08-20T21:49:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:49:04.159-07:00Help! My father in law is an alcoholic and is threatening my family.My husband, daughter, three step children and I live with my father in law and his wife. he has a terrible problem with alcohol and repetedly verbally abuses all of us. He also has many bouts of anger. I am very concerned because I do not want to raise our children in this enviornment, but we are financially unable to move out of his home. We would be able to leave and move in with my parents in another state until we got back on our feet, but my husband is unable to move his children out of California because of his childrens visitation with their mother. I am so worried about all of us, but I know that I would be able to take our daughter to be safe if I she and I left. I am not sure if it is best to stay and wait ( I dont know how long) and try to get out of there together, or if I should take my child and leave. Please give me your best advice.Help! My father in law is an alcoholic and is threatening my family.<br >No, it is not a healthy environment to rear kids in. The stress must be palpable. CA is expensive and a lot of the manufacturing base has moved.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Your husband needs to have a frank talk with his ex about either moving out of state or letting her take the kids to stay in CA (or until your husband can get reestablished), just to keep the kids out of abuse. Everyone needs to put aside their differences and think of the kids. If the ex won't deal, then he really needs to talk to the court and ask for assistance in this matter... the judge must consider the kids first and foremost.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If your husband is intending to stay pat right there, maybe your taking your daughter and leaving will be just the right thing to light a fire under him.Help! My father in law is an alcoholic and is threatening my family.<br >why, oh why would you keep your kids there? go to the state ask for help but get out of that house for your kids sake!!.<br >If you are that afraid of your father in law, I would take my daughter and leave.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Could your parents help you get a place of your own so all of you could move out? If they can't afford to help you financially but are willing for you and your daughter to live with them, pack your bags and go. There is no sense in all of you being miserable.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Maybe when you get to your parents house you can get a job and save enough money to get your husband and step children out also.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />There is nothing you can do about an alcoholic unless they want to help themselves. I'm surprised your mother n law is still living with him and taking all he wants to dish out.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck to all of you!! <br><br /><br /><br >Better to go to social services, get a list of resources, and get assistance to get out of there a.s.a.p. Many churches help in situations like this. Even tenting it could be an adventure rather than living in that enviroment- who knows how it will affect your child? I do want to add that some of the worst situations I have been in have propelled me into action that has turned out wonderful. Hang in there and do what you need to do because once you do it will get better!Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-37329443543688532142010-08-20T21:48:00.002-07:002010-08-20T21:48:49.795-07:00I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I'm so angry what should I do?I am a 20 year old female, I live at home and go to college. My Dad is obese, depressed, and an alcoholic. When I was in 2nd grade he quit his job to and stayed at home to take care of me because my mom worked 12 or 24 hour shifts. At present my mom works only 24 hour shifts. My Dad used to be fit he would run everyday. During my elementary school years the house was clean and we had dinner on the table most nights. My Dad would cook. When I got to middle school I started noticing some stuff that I wouldn't have noticed when I was younger. He wasn't cooking as much, and the house was getting messier. He has been drinking since he was in his 20's but I only started noticing in 6th grade. He started getting angry when he drank. One night when I asked him to tuck me in. I had cleaned my room that day and there was a stack of books and a stack of magazines in the floor. He yelled at me and told me to clean my room. He said it in a mean way, not in the way a parent would tell their child to clean their room or they can't watch TV. This really scared me. I told my mom the next day, she told me that dad did not remember saying that later that day. I remember different times when he would be very angry and I would be terrified. One night my mom was in bed and my dad was watching TV. I was reading in my room and saw that my dad had turned off the lights in the living room and he was walking down the hallway. I said goodnight when he walked by my door and I can't remember exactly what he said but he was depressed and said something negative. I heard him opening up his closet in the other room where he keeps an old rifle. He was being very loud in the other room digging for it. That woke up my mom and I remember her saying in a frightened voice ';What are you doing?!'; My Dad said he wanted everything to be over. This really scared me, I was in 6th grade. He started shouting about how he was miserable and couldn't lose weight and other things. He never tried losing weight. I know it's hard to but he never tried for more than a month. He would not exercise and stop drinking because he would drink a lot. Then around every 2-3 months he would get really depressed and drink a lot and just talk to himself about how he wanted to die. When he did this I stayed up late listening making sure he would be ok. I think that's why my grades dropped some in 9th grade because I worried a lot about dad. He made a big deal about TV. When I would ask him if he would turn it down some because I was going to bed, or if I could watch something he would get mad. one night mom was working and I was watching a movie at around 10. My dad was in bed talking to himself about how he hated his life and wanted to die and how nothing worked for him. I was so scared then. I have all of these memories of him being angry. Recently he has been having problems with his sister and mom. At present he weighs around 330. He had to go to the hospital two years ago for a pulminary embolism and he weighed over 350. During my high school years he would wake up take me to school, come home and go back to bed. He would pick me up and go back to bed and get up around 5. Then he would stay up watching TV until 3AM. This was his daily routine. All through this my mom works 24 shifts, when she came home after a shift she would go to bed. I have a very cloce relationship with my mom. I can talk to her about everything. I think my dad's problems have rubbed off onto me. For one I will never drink, do drugs, or smoke because I am afraid that I will turn out like him. At present I am so mad at him. I barely speak to him. My mom has told me that he has noticed and he thinks that I don't like him anymore. I'm just so mad. When I was a kid I respected him when he was sober. I could talk to him and play. Up until I was around 19 I started getting mad at him. Sometimes feelings of hate. Mom and I have tried talking to him about giving up alcohol. His doctor has told him he needs to quit too. We feel that helping him quit is out of our hands now. We have talked to him so many times. He sometimes quits for maybe 2 months. When he starts back it gets really bad with the depression and his anger. I really need some help! I'm so mad. I hate it when he makes farting jokes or belches constantly! I hate it when he's drunk. I have so much anger bottled up.I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I'm so angry what should I do?<br >Unfortunately, there are no programs for attracting or treating men with depression. I know, I've been there, with a close suicide in 1996.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />When a man enters a depression counseling, they are put into programs designed for women. The reason for this is that our government provides just $1 for the study and treatment of men for every $700 for women. There are over 300 fully federally funded commissions on women's health, yet not even one on men, yet men commit suicide several times more often than women. The idea is that women deserve more than men because they ATTEMPT suicide more often than men. I guess because men are better at it, they don't deserve help. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I wonder if women's groups have ever complained that men are committing suicide more often and that women deserve equity.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Of interest, male and female children under the age of puberty were equal in their rates of suicide, but in the last ten years, the rates for adolescent males committing suicide has sky rocketed.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />If you want to get angry, get angry at our government that has refused to develop programs to attract and treat men like your father.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/<br><br /><br />http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/men鈥?/a>I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I'm so angry what should I do?<br >My grandmother was the same way. It is good to let him know just how you feel. don't go at him yelling and screaming. if you don't want to have a confritation with him then write him a note. I used the problems of my family as a how not to act, and structured my life in a way that I don't let alot get to me. If I was you I would write him a long letter, and tell him just how much his behavoir has hurt me deeply. I would tell him I'm sorry for all he is hurting and going thru. Remember only you can make changes in your life. If you don't like it at home. then figure out a way to live on campus, and make a life for yourself. He is NEVER going to change unless he wants to change, and right now he doesn't have any reason to change. You need to make yourself happy. I would work on getting out on my own, and straighing up my life first. sitting back, and bottleling up your anger is hurting you. let it out in a verbal way. if you write the letter, and be honest with him I bet you will feel alot better. Don't be hurtfull, or condisending. just let him know that you would like a change for him.<br >First off stay straightedge.<br><br /><br />Your body is more capable of the addiction.<br><br /><br />Second, I would go and see a therapist, talk to someone, get out your emotions. <br><br /><br />Also maybe work out, or get a punching bag, release your stress.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-20102411049026253512010-08-20T21:48:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:48:34.583-07:00Is my New BF an Alcoholic ?I'm a bit concerned that a guy I'm dating may be or become an alcoholic.<br><br /><br />He is 32 and I'm 30. I drink socially but could live without alcohol.<br><br /><br />I come from a family with 2 drunk uncles %26amp; have watched their health fall apart. I could really care about this guy, but need to know how bad his drinking seems.<br><br /><br />Weve known each other 3 months. Half his stories are about drinking. He has even told me he has driven drunk a few times and I lectured him about it. That is not cool with me EVER.<br><br /><br />Next he tells me he drinks about 4-5 times a week.<br><br /><br />The last time we went out he had glass of wine, then half bottle of wine, then another glass of wine %26amp;a double stolis.<br><br /><br />Is this a lot ? I said he was damaging his liver and he said the damage was done long ago.<br><br /><br />Sigh. He said he wants to marry a nice proper girl who also drinks like a fish. (great marry a drinking buddy who won't judge him) Its sad because he is sweet, funny, smart guy otherwise.<br><br /><br />What should I do about him ? Is he too far gone. ?Is my New BF an Alcoholic ?<br >He is far, far gone. You have been with him 3 months too long. Time for you to say goodbye. Thank your lucky stars he's talked about this. What kind of a future will you have with an alcoholic. Eventually his life will become unmanageable and if you plan to hang around so will yours. Alcohol is a depressant. He may seem or be sweet, funny, and a smart guy now, but that's only because he is under the influence. What future will you have with him? Not to mention children with him or if you have any of your own would you want to have them around him. You sound like an intelligent person do the right think and get out while you can. Good Luck!Is my New BF an Alcoholic ?<br >I think you know the answer to your own question.<br><br /><br />Does the future look bright? Run like hell.<br >Run for your life...............<br><br /><br />He isn't funny at all. Drunks can be very sweet, but in the long run, it's all sour.<br >if you really care about him and if he cares about you (you have to know for sure) you should confront him with it. tell him that he is being unhealthy but dont do it in a judging way (if thats possible). alcoholics are fun sometimes but most of the time theyre reckless, irresponsible and immature. some people just dont know how to deal with alcohol, maybe he is one of them. if he doesnt listen you should break up with him because youre only looking out for his wellbeing.. and your own! god forbid he told you he was sober then got in an accident or something with you in the car!<br >Here is a basic guideline to use when trying to determine if someone has a drinking problem: For adult males anything over 14 drinks (1-1oz. shot of liquor, 1-6 oz. glass of wine, 1-12 oz. can/bottle of beer) in one 7 day week may be considered problematic drinking. Usually one would look for patterns of 14+ drinks per week. If someone did this like once in their life, then it may have been a fluke. If it occurs say once a month regularly then there's probably a problem. For adult females anything over 7 alcohol drinks in a week, keeping in mind a regular pattern, might be considered problematic. Many alcoholics deny they have a problem because they believe they can handle their alcohol just fine, but if he drinks and drives then he is endangering not only himself but others, too. If I were you, I'd politely see your way out of the relationship before things get worse.<br >try to get him to agree to go to and alcoholic anonymous class<br >If you are able to tolerate his drinking habits. If not, you got to lose him or else you will regret for the rest of your life. Good luck.<br >yeah he is and there is nothing u can really do unless he really wants to help himself. let him know how u feel about it and maybe he will change his mind.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-32453278576368621962010-08-20T21:48:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:48:13.360-07:00Why I am angry? man living in a society that can't recognize that it needs help, like an alcoholic Cousin?I was brought up with the outlook on people to take them as they are. Brought up in a religious household that constantly believed in the saying turn the other cheek. I have moved through the rank of Boy Scouts to achieve something that only 4% of its enrollees reach, and even fewer in an urban community. I have been exposed to a variety of aspects of life and have learned to take heed to life experiences. Yet I鈥檓 told to forget my past and get over a wound that was bandaged over knowing the need for stitches. Why do conversations about race relations incite emotions in people that make it a taboo topic? If I forget 150 - 200 years ago can I remember just 60 years ago in my mother鈥檚 lifetime? Every day I have to walk a fine line of living is today鈥檚 society with knowledge of a past very capable of returning. If my community was not given the proper tools to fix a very deep wound, how can I expect it not to scar my community? I don鈥檛 want to be consumed by anger, but how can I not be?Why I am angry? man living in a society that can't recognize that it needs help, like an alcoholic Cousin?<br >You cann't listen to every one, listen to your shelf who else knows you better.Sometimes we have to go back in the past to fix the present.Just say to yourshelf i'll listen to what people have to say and try to sort it out myshelf.<li><a href='http://myspace-pics-mn.blogspot.com/'>myspace pics</a></li><li><a href='http://www.skinskin.com.cn/human-skin/'>human skin</a></li>Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-10477978806805526942010-08-20T21:47:00.003-07:002010-08-20T21:47:58.376-07:00What should I do? My husband is an alcoholic and in the past three months he is getting worse he now has takenup smoking pot. He has not wanted me to work for some time. I work two days a week every other week. I have had enough he was drunk on Christmas when we had family here and had to keep running to go get high. He even let his son drink here. I blew up. This man is 47 years old and he acts like he is 16. He goes to work and performs his job. He just can not be a father or a husband. He goes out every free moment he has from work. He dose not do one thing around the house. With the house or car and truck. He has two boys they are 16 %26amp; 18 he dose not spend any real time with them. I have a daughter she is 22 and pregnant and she said she will not come here again after the baby is born. She said she just won't take the risk. I can't blame her. I just don't know how things have gotten so bad. I can not stand living this way I feel all alone. I have asked him to go get counseling for himself and us. He said he has no problem. I don鈥檛 fit into his plan in life. I don鈥檛 want to spend every night in the bar. I am waiting for my daughter to have the baby and then I plan on getting two jobs and get out of here. Am I wrong to do this? I just can鈥檛 take it anymore. Someone please help me what should I do?What should I do? My husband is an alcoholic and in the past three months he is getting worse he now has taken<br >When a man prefers to be drunk on Christmas day rather than spending time with the family on Christmas day and says that he does not have a problem...... It means that he is in ';DENIAL'; and it will get a lot WORSE b4 it gets any better. I do not think that you are in the wrong in any way. You have to do what is best for you. You won't be able to see your grandchild as long as you are living with this guy. He does not want you to work because he is a ';CONTROL FREAK';. He knows that if you get a good job you can save some money and get away from the crap that he is putting you through. Go for it woman. Save money and get to where you need to be in life.What should I do? My husband is an alcoholic and in the past three months he is getting worse he now has taken<br >You had better get out of there.....if you stay, you're only hurting yourself and your daughter. The fact that you said that he doesn't think he has a problem is definitely TROUBLE. If he doesn't think he has a problem, he won't change. Don't waste your life and harm your relationship with your daughter. Start packing up now.<br >No you are totally right...get the jobs save the money and get out of there...I know you want to see that grandbaby of yours and dont let him take that away from you. Sounds like he is in denial about his drinking problem and shows no interest in getting help. He had dragged himself down...dont let him bring you down too. You sound strong and you know you can do it_<br >Honey, your husband has a PROBLEM and he needs to address it for HIMSELF. It won't help you to try to force him (trust me, I've been there)<br><br /><br />Go to www.aa.com or www.aa.org, I can't remember which it is, to find a list of meetings for HIM.<br><br /><br />If he's not ready to quit you need to go to AL-ANON, you can find them online too, they are for the family.- YOU DO NOT AND SHOULD NOT LIVE THIS WAY............ I'm not sure if you can email me personally from this, but please do so if you can, as I have been there and I GET IT.................YOUR HUSBAND NEEDS AA but he may not be willing to accept that. YOU FOR SURE need Al-Anon. Please stay in touch. Marciesavon@aol.com<br >Call a local hotline for abused women and they will help you contact a shelter. You can usually stay in them for up to 3 months while searching for a job and a place to live. You need to get out of this situation NOW not in a few weeks. While he is at work make the calls and leave. Take only what you will need for a few days.<br >well you did ask him to get help. so let him go hes not doing you any good. he may wake up after you leave. then its up to you. good luck<br >You may not beleive this but its true. I was married to someone JUST LIKE THAT. Its like he now is your spouse. Whats his name? HAHAHA<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Seriously............this is a bad sign. Mine got to this point too. It wont work. You will never change him now. He has a disease that he must admit and he wont until he hits bottom and you dont want to be there for that.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />MY husband chose the booze and drugs and bars over me. It killed me..........I felt helpless...........he was soo young.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Work and get out and get on with your life...........He is just like mine who drank himself to death at the age of 40.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />GET OUT, I KNOW from experience...................its like you wrote my story.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Best Wishes-DONT LOOK BACK!!!!<br >go to councling<br >i feel so bad for you. you just told my story.<br><br /><br />you don't have to wait.... don't wait like i did. move now, do what ever it is that you have to do, but do it now!<br><br /><br />he is not going to change, you are the one that has to change for yourself.<br><br /><br />you need to be made whole. it will be hard and it will take time but when you do it you will feel so dam# much better i can't tell you.<br><br /><br />my life has changed 100%. i feel usefull and complete in myself!!!!!<br><br /><br />good luck to you. if you want to let me know how you are doing.<br><br /><br />kris55a@yahoo.com<br >If you have low self-esteem and/or like being a loser then stick with him. Otherwise, leave without warning, hire a lawyer immediately and let the divorce proceedings begin. By the way, eventually he will not be able to hold his job.<br >Your husband don't see his problem-he think that he is doing fine-but he has got to want to get help and nothing that you say or do will change that-you can see the problem-because you are on the outside looking in-you need to get out before it is to late-your children don't need to be in that type of environment-and your daughter have good sense she don't want her baby in that type of environment and I glory in her spunk-she got good sense take a l.lesson from your child-no man is worth your life are your children's life-you feel alone because you are alone-he have something in his life that don't include you are the children-get out now and start living your life without him-you can do it.remember love hurt-but some people don't know that you don't hurt someone that you love and if your love for him is blinding you get you some eye glasses preferable bifocal so that you can see that love is a two way street<br >no you are not wrong . you have to think about whats best for you and your kid. if he isn't willing to change then you have to change.<br >Sadly, your situation is not unusual for a woman who is married to an alcoholic. But you are asking the wrong people, and the advice you've been given by a number of people, while well-meaning, is not particularly useful. As a few others have suggested, your best bet is to go to Al-Anon. It's free and the people you will meet there are or have been in your shoes. Please check into it without delay! Here is their website:<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Good luck.<br >enroll him in AA<br >Check your local phone directory for a chapter of Al-anon in your area. It is made up of people some of whom are in your exact situation and are there to help you. Find out when and where they meet and attend one of their meetings. I'm sure you will find the information and guidance to help you get through this. I wish you the best...<br >I have been there, and I know. Although I have 2 children whom are younger than yours. I was married to an alcoholic and a pot smoker. It just got worse after we were married then I told him the consequenses of what would happen.....lose jobs, lose license, loose family......It happened....He lost it all, and his marriage.<br><br /><br />You cannot force him to do anything he don't want to, but I do highly strongly recommend that he gets help. He needs to take it upon himself to admit there is a problem and do something about it before he loses everything.<br><br /><br />I sympathize with you and I have tried all I can to salvage my marriage, but it was up to him to get the help to take care of the problem. <br><br /><br />You have to do what you have to do...Your daughter is an adult and if she chooses not to bring her newborn into that lifestyle, then it's her right as a parent. If your husband cannot admit there is a problem, then he don't want to get help and honestly don't care until he loses everything. You have the right to leave the situation if there is nothing more for you to do.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Best wishes, and good luck.<br >He doesn't deserve you, since he isn't showing you more respect than what you described! Have the courage and realization that you don't deserve this kind of treatment and move forward.<br >As a husband and father I sometimes do the same thing and it does really piss my wife off. Maybe he is feeling left out due to the fact you are looking after your daughter whist she is pregnant and you are going through all the hormone and mood swings associated with her pregnancy. Is the father to your daughters baby helping out the situation or are you her only support.?? Your daughter is over reacting if she says she will not come around all this is doing is putting a wedge between you and your husband. Just chill out things will get better.<br >I feel for you.you are right to say that you dont fit into this whole thing. i admire your courage for taking control of the situation and taking on the work it will take to get you out of the house for good. i gaurantee you that it will only get worse and no better so long as he does not even believe he has a problem. you wont be able to change him. in the meantime , if you have the time, you can attend alanon meetings. i dont know where you live but you can start looking for ';al-anon.org'; on line and then go from there. these meetings will bring you around a support system of people that are in the same situation as you and they share their ways of coping . alcoholism is self centered behaviour and you deserve to be a part of life that is normal if not beautiful to experience.<br >You need to leave. He's drinking and smoking pot, so chances are it won't be long before he becomes physically abusive, on top of the mental abuse he's inflictng on you right now. Call your local mental health center, and ask if there is a women's shelter in the area, or if you have relatives you can move in with, do that. He won't go to counseling, so he's not willing to change. You need counseling to help you deal with what he's put you through, and you can get it free of charge at the mental health clinic. The women's shelter will help you find a job and any training you need to get back on your own two feet. Don't waste any more time, get out while you still can.<br >If he says he dosnt have a problem then hes in denial. He really needs to go to a drug and alcohol rehab but if he refuses counceling then the best thing you can do is leave. Hes putting you at risk with the drugs because IF he was to ever get busted while with you or at home then you could end up going down with him. Before you make the decision to go you need to see if you can help him. The first step is for him to admit he has a problem. If he cant do that then its a lost cause and you need to get out<br >Immediately start going to Al-Anon meetings for yourself. Al-anon are open meetings (kinda like AA meetings) but are instead for the FAMILY members of alcoholics and drug addicts. Here is where you will find support from people who are going through exactly what you are going through and living it day to day. Getting advice from people who have not lived through exactly what you are going through is well intentioned, but useless. There are many, many al-anon meetings all over the country and I'm sure if you google it or look in the yellow pages you will find some without any problems. You will hear stories of others going through what you are experiencing right now and you will receive great counsel from all of them. I guarantee that if you look this up you will find something that is meeting close to your home sometime tomorrow or if not by the very next day. You cannot possibly get through this without the support of ';experienced'; people and this won't cost you a cent. Good luck my friend......been there, done that.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-22532476630795539812010-08-20T21:47:00.002-07:002010-08-20T21:47:41.399-07:00I need better information on EMPHYSEMATOUS GASTRITIS . How do you live with it once your STOMACH is REMOVED?MY BROTHER JUST HAD EMERGENCY SURGERY 3 DAYS AGO. HE HAD HIS STOMACH AND GALLBLADDER REMOVED. HE IS 55 YEARS OLD. HIS DIAGNOSIS WAS EMPHYSEMATOUS GASTRITIS. I CANNOT FIND WEB SITES THAT TELL YOU HOW TO LIVE WITH THIS. WHAT IS HIS SURVIVAL RATE NOW? IS THERE A WEB SITE THAT YOU CAN BUY FOOD FOR HIS CONDITION? RECIPES? ARE THERE ANY SURVIVOR STORIES OR A SITE YOU CAN TALK TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE THIS CONDITION? I ALREADY HAVE ALL THE MEDICAL JARGON EXCEPT FOR THE ACTUAL PROCEDURE OF THE STOMACH REMOVAL. HOW WAS IT DONE? WILL HE KNOW WHEN HE IS HUNGRY? HIS ESOPHEGUS IS NOW CONNECTED DIRECTLY TO HIS LOWER INTESTINE. HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO RECOVER? ARE THERE ANY RESTRICTIONS? PLEASE HELP ME UNDERSTAND WHAT HE IS GOING THROUGH AND HOW THIS AFFECTS HIM FROM NOW ON. IF IT HELPS HE WAS AN ALCOHOLIC AND A SMOKER FOR OVER 30 YEARS UNTIL RECENTLY.I need better information on EMPHYSEMATOUS GASTRITIS . How do you live with it once your STOMACH is REMOVED?<br >a friend of mine went thru it some time back!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />check this out:<br><br /><br />digestive.healthcarecentersonline.com<br><br /><br />here u can have all your questions answered!<br><br /><br />hope this helps!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />all the best!Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-54232836508000697972010-08-20T21:47:00.001-07:002010-08-20T21:47:26.156-07:00How do I convince my friend to let her daughter live with us?My friend is actually a terrible alcoholic - vodka and pot/meth. She works evenings and weekends and when she is home, she goes off and bitches at her daughter (14) until like 3:00 a.m. She won't even buy her tampons! Her daughter has been nearly a part of our family since she was about 5, and is more like a sister to my own kids. We pay for many of her school expenses and apply discipline the best we can in the situation. I'd love to help her out, but not sure how to handle the situation with her mom. This girl needs a stable home and a safe place, also a family who appreciates her. We've tried social services, they've been contacted many times. But the mom just lies her way out of it, or sleeps with the counselor they assign, so that's not an option. How do I convince her to let her child go?How do I convince my friend to let her daughter live with us?<br >Buy her off- I know it sounds crude but drug addicts and alcoholics care about one thing only, their next fix. You have to apply to their way of thinking. Have the papers drawn up by a lawyer and be prepared for confrontation. If the offer is high enough the addict in question will take it. Like I said it sounds crude but its a better solution for the child. CPS will only take the kid from one unsettling home to another that may or may not be better than the previous.How do I convince my friend to let her daughter live with us?<br >Talk to the child make sure she wonts to live with you and tell her every thing that you are will to do for her just so she can be in a family that loves her like she is you own! (probly does!) and I would take her mother to court and fight for her all you should have to do is prove the mother unfit (shood be pretty easy whith your sitsation!) but befor talk to her mother and tell her what your going to do oh any by the way if you keep call social services they will have to do some thing about it call them on a weekly bases if you have to!<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />best of luck to you and the girl!...<br >I feel SO bad for all of you!<br><br /><br />But, it's great that you care so much, and are a beacon of hope.<br><br /><br />What I want to say that you should do, is not practical and would get me in trouble, somehow, even if only through karma, but it's mean, and effective.<br><br /><br />OK, that (not) said,<br><br /><br />just be who you are right now.<br><br /><br />I liked the part of getting her a female counselor.<br><br /><br />I wonder, if she ';ran away';, would they force her back?<br><br /><br />Or would they let you have her?<br><br /><br />Sometimes, the squeaky wheel gets the grease!<br><br /><br />When my father's wife wanted to throw me out for being pregnant, her own sister-in-law would have taken me out of the home for girls.<br><br /><br />They won't pay for and house a person that a family memebr will take, I can tell you that!<br><br /><br />Government's a littel different, but if you have do everything but sleep with the caseworker yourself, I don't see why you can't swing it your way.<br><br /><br />Life is a game, and some people do indeed find the rules behind the rules.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />But, as far as a mom giving up her kids, that's even harder than asking people to stop having sex once they've started. It's the strongest instinct we have, just about, so forget it.<br><br /><br />Those of us who let go, let go because we ourselves make that call, no one else.<br><br /><br />Good luck!<br >that wouldn't be right.. have the government handle that.. if her mother could just squeeze her way out of it. then let the daughter talk to the proper authorities with your help..<br >lol that's nice thinking mental %26gt;D<br><br /><br />-<br><br /><br />you just need to get the daughter to do the talking, 14 year-olds can leave home, right? I don't see much difference in leaving home and moving into another family's house.<br >Get social services to hire a female counselor first of all. Secondly, maybe you could ask the daughter what she'd prefer. If she wants her mom, that's her mistake. But if she wants you, your friend will realize what she needs to do. (hopefully)Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-66849506291605834222010-08-20T21:47:00.000-07:002010-08-20T21:47:08.111-07:00How can i get rid of an alcoholic drongo 'friend'?i used to know this woman who i never really liked. just recently she moved into my area temporaly. not long after i got a phone call at 3am from my local police station asking me if i could look after her kids as she had been arrested. i could not as i dont have the space for three children. since then she keeps sending her kids round to ask me to lend her money, which i do not.yesterday she phoned to say she will be living in my area permamently as she been given a council house then last night there was a knock on the door at 11pm it was her son asking if they could all four sleep on living room floor.I said no as i knew i would never get rid of her. i dont want to move as my son is very settled in school. i am worried that her son who smokes will target my child as the only boy he knows in the area. I dont want to be to blunt with her as i feel she will cause alot of trouble for me and my kids. what can i do i have a good reputation at the moment in the area i live.How can i get rid of an alcoholic drongo 'friend'?<br >Get in touch with A.A and they can give you some good sugestions, its an illness and she needs helpHow can i get rid of an alcoholic drongo 'friend'?<br >Not so easy.<br><br /><br />But try to minimize time between your son and hers and make it as minute and most sudden as possible.<br><br /><br />Take care not to be in more trouble than that. Stay away and close yourself indoors to avoid meeting her.<br><br /><br />You'd better be worse than a monster but save your family.<br><br /><br />Good luck.<br >SUCKERPUNCH HER AS HARD AS YOU CAN WHEN SHE IS NOT LOOKING IN HER SOFT RELAXED GUT..THAT SHOULD DO THE JOB<br >Keep saying no to her outlandish requests, and if you find out that she is neglecting her kids (leaving them home alone, etc.), report her immediately.<br >just tell them to fix up and stop drinkin uless they want to end up like george best!<br >Tell her to stop sending her kids to your house and tell her not to contact you or your family again or you will either call the law on her or sue for harrasment. I understand some peoples thoughts about you turning away her kids but THEY probably don't know that you can be opening up a can of worms you can't get rid of and like you said you have your own to worry about. Hopefully she has family she contact to help her out.<br >ask your nabuors what they would do then sit and tell you kidsto stay away from these people and tell them whyand go from there.<br><br /><br />also youcan complain to the counsil about her but writeit down as to what your going to say to them.<br >hope you never need her for anything what goes around comes around,how can you close your door on any child<br >NEVER TRY TO CONTROL THE UNCONTROLLABE ,NEVER TRY TO SOLVE THE UNSOLVABLE....... ALL EFFORTS GOES IN VAIN!!!!<br >the best thing is tell her at her face that you are not interested to associate with her in any way. Still she bringup, bring the matter to the autorites. Take it seriously, else you will be late to do anything<br >Yeah do what Liz says...Get her arrested so it can become everyones problem...And then call childs services on her...If I knew who you were Liz I'd call them on you...Taking Someones children away from them..get real..you callous idiot...mind your own bisiness...Thats whats wrong with ppl today...you see someone is having a hard time and what do u pppl want to do ...make it tougher..refer her to a church or shelter....call child services ...i cant get over that...how would you feel if someone took ur kids away cuz u were going through hard time...think ppl<br >Get her soooooo drunk that she chokes on her own vomit. Works for me every time.<br >Well- you can turn her over to children - youth and families- if ur in usa- or child protective services-maybe they would court order rehab- and get her straightened out- does she have family?/ or are they tired of her stunts?? I'd turn her in- suspect child neglect- ect- being drunk and arrested with children would be considered child endangerment here- they would be taken away- D<br >Sounds like you've got the idea from the get-go. Just keep saying ';No.'; If you know her kids are being neglected, report her. Do not get involved with this, it's not your mess and you will get entangled in it. But you know that, as I see from your question. ';Just don't do it,'; to paraphrase NIKE. You have your self and son to worry about, nobody forced her to drink, neglect her kids etc.<br >You should get social services involved as she is neglecting her children then at least she will have to get her act together before she can get them back, n who knows she may turn out an even better person n u could get on fine...<br><br /><br />But if it persitits you can get her done for harrasment<br >I lived with a person who couldn't stop drinking although she wanted to. I feel sorry for these people but for others to say help her!! no, you could try but in the end it will make your life harder. do all of the people who answer you help others, and if in your situation would they turn them away or would they say 'yeah come on in and make yourself at home - drink anyone' The best thing you can do is step back, yes help if you can but try not to get involved. the only person who can help her is herself. all the best Andy<br >Cant you try to help? Helping her will help you to get her off your back? Surely sit down and listen to her situation then give her advice on what she could do- then she can go and do it? I feel quite sorry for her, I know she is a pest but Im sure she cant be happy or enjoy sending her kids round to you. She needs help, and it seems no one wants to help her, Im not saying put her and her kids up etc, but maybe you could point her in the right direction for getting help?<br >Tell her no. hire a lawyer to put a restraining order on her and her kids. and call children welfare on her for abandonment of her kids, since that there are always trying to sleep at your house. change your telephone number, make sure that it is unlisted.Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1878069258369948145.post-68199459596753183652010-08-20T21:46:00.002-07:002010-08-20T21:46:53.848-07:00Help Me, Depression.?I'm 14. %26amp; I'm at Rock Bottom. My Mother Is An Alcoholic %26amp; Although we live together, were complete strangers. My Friends used to be there for me, But lately I'm Detached %26amp; every things Just Fallen Apart. My Friends Think I'm Crazy, %26amp; Don't Understand.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm Moving But In A Couple Of Months, To My Dads. But I'm Not sure I have the strength to wait that long. Alot Of Things have really emotionally strain me this year.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I Don't have the strength to explain everything. Let's Put it this way.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />-I Don't Know why I Get Out Of Bed In the Morning.<br><br /><br />-Sometimes I Wish I wasn't born.<br><br /><br />-I Feel Worthless.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />How Do I Carry On, At Least Until I get a chance to move away.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />My Friends See The Type of things I Go Through With My Mom, But They Still Don't Understand The Stress It Causes.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'm Also Failing In School, %26amp; The Teachers I Swear, Don't Get It. They Just Believe I'm Another Lazy Kid. But I'm Not. I Just Have No Motivation Anymore.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I Mean I feel Like every ones giving up on me.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />My Friends Lie To Me Alot To Avoid Me From Hanging Out With Them. <br><br /><br />I Don't Blame Them.<br><br /><br />My Parents Say There's Something Wrong With Me.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Please No Criticism, In Your Answers. It's The Last Thing I Need.Help Me, Depression.?<br >Very sorry that you are going through a situational depression...your mother isn't there to give you support, nor your friends. Can't get any worse, can it ?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />But you have a hope of moving in with your Dad. Try to take one day at a time and before you know, a couple of months will come to be with your Dad. Many of us experience similar situations, some are easier and some are worse...all we can do is to hang in there and look toward the light at the end of the eternal ( seems like ) dark tunnel, but there's an end and the beaming light.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I'd gone through some hopeless situations too..I really empathize with your agony and sorrow.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Brighter days are ahead of you, trust me :):}:)Help Me, Depression.?<br >Boo hoo you have an alcoholic Mother, get over it and overcome it. Your mother isn't the world, and you being weak is something she needs. You are only 14 and haven't lived life enough for an excuse to be depressed. Try getting a job/car/ your own place and dealing with people before making that decision. Otherwise get professional help. <br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />Boo Hoo is your attitude and it's silly all you do is go to school.<br >I am sorry you are having problems Alex. Things will get better when you move in with your Dad. Life is tough! Nobody said Life was going to be easy! Don't fall into that trap that the Pharmaceutical Co's have convinced people to do. You don't need a pill to get through life like a lot of people think. Good luck and I hope life gets better for you.<br >You are not alone, and you're going through an extremely tough time in your life that will come to an end. There are better days waiting for you. Much better days. Keep looking forward to moving in with your Dad and try as hard as you possibly can to stay strong and think positively.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You can hang on and reach those happier days in the future.<br >Things only get better..so hold in there..your stronger then you think...Try to get out more..even a walk down the street...or work out...feel like you did something positive by doing thing like this..beat a videogame, make a cake...also talk to your brother and family...You are not a loser..your 14 you have not even had the chance to earn the word loser.Just by going to yahoo answers and asking strangers for help takes guts...and losers dont have that...Stay strong<br >Sounds like you've given up on yourself. I've been there. Just hang in there. Things will look up eventually. It just takes some time. If you can, you may want to see a psychiatrist. A good one won't just run diagnostics and shove meds down your throat, good ones actually listen and try to help you - and won't give you meds unless you really need it.<br >I was where you were once. I changed schools, got on medication and now I am a whole lot better.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />You may need some medication. Be careful though cause if you start to feel worse, TELL SOMEONE, It can be a side effect of the medication and you may need a change.<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />I do think that it's depression.<br >watch the movie titanic, it will help you relax and help you let it all out, you can also try liftin weights, that take tons of pressure off of you and makes you feal powerful, and strong<br >-hug-<br><br /><br />-big hug-<br><br /><br />Sounds like depression.<br><br /><br />Maybe if you talk to your mom or dad about it, you can get a depression perscription.<br><br /><br />Dont commit suicie, either. ;)<br >Positive thinking is so important in life. Have hope and pray about your life. Know that God can help you live a better life if you want Him to help you. You can have a personal relationship with God by saying the prayer below. God is our Creator, all-knowing, all-powerful, eternal, holy, love. God loves us and sent us His Son, Jesus Christ, so we can go to heaven if we know and follow Him. Forever means without end -- time on and on without death. Forever is what happens after we die. Either we go to heaven and be with God forever, or we go to hell which is very bad and painful forever. The good people who are saved believers in Jesus Christ go to heaven. The bad people go to hell. We need to know and follow God in this world to get to heaven in the next world. We follow God by loving and obeying Him and loving others for Him. Jesus Christ, God's Son, is our bridge to God. Jesus died on the cross to cancel our sins. We need to accept Jesus into our life as our Lord and Savior forever to receive God's blessing and forgiveness plus go to heaven to be with God forever after we die. This is about being a born-again Christian. Faith in God is a gift from God. You can pray for faith in God. Just speak out and ask God for the faith to believe in Him and to follow Him. Some people find faith in God when they realize the beauty in the world is made by God. Evolution can't explain the world's natural beauty, for example, the parks in the world, animals, flowers, peacocks, sunsets, butterflies, rainbows, etc. After you have your faith on, you can pray a sinner's prayer to be a born-again Christian. This prayer is very important and should be said with a sincere heart and faith in God. This is the prayer: ';Dear God, I know that I am a sinner and that Jesus Christ is the sacrifice for our sins. I have done the following sins (state these out) and I pray to discontinue these sins. I pray to receive Jesus Christ into my life as my Lord and Savior forever. In Jesus' name, amen.'; I'm Lutheran and I like the Baptist churches too. Maybe you could find a Christian friend who could take you to church with them. You can pray to God about your daily life and have a Christian church pray for you.<br >depression has no age limit. You really need to get some help very quickly. Could you ask you Dad if you could move sooner? or ask for his help in getting some medical help? If your parents say there is something wrong with you its because there is - and maybe explaining how youre feeling will help them understand, at the moment they're only guessing. Maybe there is someone at school you could talk to? or another trusted adult?<br><br /><br /><br><br /><br />don't think you are the only one who has felt this way, but getting through it on your own is the hardest way to choose. There are things that will help you, but you need medical help to find out what the best way is.<br >ugh u r 14 y/o...trust me...ur not old enough to be depressed...u dont have a job...u dont have to pay rent...car notes...nothing...u better go outside n play n embrace ur childhood...cuz it only gets harder sweety...tell ur dad how u feel n ask if u can move up the date...get a job so u dont have to deal with ur mother...go out n do things...n dont dwell on ur misery...embrace it...n when u come out of it...youll be a better person...GO DO SOMETHING...n dont worry so much about how depressed u r...n please...try n do it urself...medication, to me, is a last resort...especially since ur so young...time wounds all heals : )<br >It sounds like you have a lot on your shoulders. If your dad is a life line I would talk to him immediately. Or even your school counselor. Tell them you need help now. Make them take you to a doctor. With treatment now (instead of at a more convenient time for others) you can make a quicker recovery. You say your parents already noticed that something is not right. Mention this to them. Don't take no for an answer. Also, I strongly suggest counseling for children of alcoholic parents. If no one will listen or help, call your local social services or Department for Human resources and they will get you help or at least they will get you connected with someone who can. Also, give your friends some slack, remember they may not be facing the same problems you are, They may be acting rude or mean out of confusion. They just don鈥檛 know how to help you so they avoid you. It doesn鈥檛 mean they don鈥檛 like you it just means they are scared.<br >i know how you feel, being lonely and nobody understands...the best thing is to talk to a doctor, i hope you have insurance.. if you don't, try to call kidshelpline and explain that you need to talk to a doctor... you need anti-depressant medication.. the best one is cymbolta.. it is really good with almost no side effects..<br><br /><br />i believe that you were born for a reason and you are supposed to be in this world to accomplish something that only you can do... don't let this control you... be strong when you are facing such difficult things.<br><br /><br />i know you think, ';it is easy for her to say';..but honest to God, i know what you are going through.. i have been there...Maryrosehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15741742016547262098noreply@blogger.com0