He has been off drink for about 10 years. I just turned 15. My mum told when when I was younger and when he drank, I hated him and that I would never go near him. He went to AA meetings, which obviously helped him stop. Nowadays, when my mum, my sister and I go to my granny's house (my mum's mother), which we do only once a week. She lives 20 minutes away. We sleep up there every Saturday night. My dad though, he always gives out about that saying she(mum) is always away every night of the week up there. He hates the people from there, for some unkown reason.
But they're mostly all my mum's relatives (it's a small town) and friends, whom she enjoys spending time with. It's not that my dad actually would be with my mum if we were at home on Saturday nights. They have nothing in common. He mostly goes away most nights, he doesn't have a job you see, well technically he does, he has a delivery milk business, which he does NOTHING for. My brother works and goes out to deliver the milk, my mum does the bookkeeping for the business, what does he do? Take the money. And nothing else. His behaviour is so much worse these past months, he stopped going to AA meeting about a year ago, in which his behaviour has just deteriorated. My mum is very unhappy with him, he knows that. He is just one of those people you can't communicate with, no matter how hard you try.
My mum says he is acting the exact same way he does when he drank (And no he is definitely not actually still drinking) Which is called a dry drunk. Of course, he can never accept that. I woke up today to hear them argueing over it, she, calmly, tried to say to him she thinks he should start going back to the AA meetings. You know how when somebody has a drink/drug problem, no matter what or how many times you say it, they can't admit it, they're in denial they have a problem? Well, it makes it a million times worse with my dad because he is the kind of person who will not listen to anybody else's opinions. It's all about him. He knows everything. He is never wrong. Nothing is his fault. Everything that goes wrong with him or in the world is somebody else's fault, never his. He couldn't accept that he still needs the AA meetings. He says he is over that period in his life and it's done with, but the minute an alcoholic says that is the minute they start to go bad again. A few weeks ago, my dad and I had an arguement, he hit me, kicked me multiple times and threatened me with a wooden board, nothing he has ever done before. I was left with a big cut on my face which I had to tell my friends at school that I fell against a stack of drawers. After that, my mum and him knew there was nothing they could do to save the marriage, they wanted to sell the house and get seperate ones but with the economy the way it is, you wouldn't even get half of the house's worth. My mum now thinks, is losing all that money really that bad opposed to her being happy?
My questions are, where do you think we go from here? I have no problem with my parents splitting. I HATE my dad. That's not just typical teenager talk, I am deadly serious. If anybody moves out, it should be him, my mum works around here, we go to school here, the 3 kids(me, mu older sister and older brother) would live with my mum. My dad has no reason to stay, but he is stubborn. He wouldn't leave. He wants a wife that will do everything for him without hesitation and take all of his crap, which my mum is not willing to do.
What do you think should happen with all this? I don't want to leave my house, selfish, whatever, but I'd rather my house that I grew up in rather than my prick of a father. They're currently trying to decide what to do, I'm just confused.. How could he be convinved to back to AA meetings? Either way, we're still not happy living with him, but it would be better and easier to stay here, just until the we could get full value for the house.My dad is an alcoholic, my mum thinks he is now a dry drunk? (long, okay, very long, but i really need help)?
There is NO SUCH THING as a dry drunk! After many years of AA membership myself, I can tell you that there are few nutjobs more nutty than long-term AA members. To them, anyone who doesn't go to meetings anymore but has no trouble staying sober is automatically declared to be a ';dry drunk';.
There is, however, such a thing as a raving jerk. Perhaps he is THAT, but how on earth is going back to AA going to help THAT problem when the group is FULL of raving jerks...people claiming to be sober when they really aren't....sexual predators...yeah, that's a healthy place to send someone.
Look, if you don't like your dad, that's fine, sounds like he's a jerk....but a group of jerks won't make a jerk into a nice guy.
Friday, August 20, 2010
How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?
my mum's been an alcoholic for the past.. three years? maybe four, but she's at her worst now. she just literally came out of prison and while it was absolutely great to talk to her when she was actually sober in prison, the first thing she did on being let out was go down to the off-licence, even before she came home to see us. i want to help her but i don't know how. my dad's given up on her, and he's forced to pay all her credit card debts off and we don't have that kind of money to feed her habit. (i'm sixteen, i live with my parents and two younger brothers, by the way) sometimes it feels as if my real mum is dead, because this drunk mum isn't my proper mum at all because her sober self and drunk self are completely different personalities. alcoholic meetings don't work because we can't get regular ones - they come every few months or so which is useless. she does WANT to stop (at least she says so), but she's drunk before i even get up and i imagine her only sober time is the early hours of the morning. she even helps herself to midnight drinks. :/ i found a question on here that i asked about my alcoholic mum a couple of years ago, which made me realise how bad it's got. if we take the drink away from her, she gets more and runs up more bills. if we leave her with it, she drinks that and then gets more. which is better to do? i don't want her to drink herself to death. we fight a lot but she's still my mother regardless. i just want her to be back to normal. how am i meant to do that?
/rant.How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?
There is nothing that you can do to change the hurt and pain that is in your mother. That is something that she is trying to deal with and blot out with the use of alcohol or whatever substance. You on the other hand have a chance to change your life for the better. Look up Al-Anon and find a meeting. You can even go to an Al-Ateen meeting where you will meet others who are facing the same issues as you. Find the help that you need and it is amazing what will happen to you and possibly your entire family.How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?
You can't help her if she is refusing the help. You dad needs to ensure she has no access to the funds so he can take care of the finances properly.
She is says what you want her to say. Hopefully she will decide to get better before it is to late.
The only way for an alcoholic to stop drinking is to lose EVERYTHING they have and hit the rock buttom. family members leaving them, losing the job, house and everything. It is only then that they realize they must stop drinking.
You can't fix other people. No matter how much you want to be the one doing the fixing, only the other person can fix themselves. The best you can do is help.
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and your can't cure it. Let go, let God.
If someone doesn't want to be cured, you won't be able to cure them.
^^^^^
win.
i really do feel for you...my dad too is an alcoholic %26amp; there is really nothing any of us can do to cure them...until they admit they have a problem %26amp; are willing to go %26amp; get help.
if you take their drinks away...they will beg, steal or borrow to get more...so that too will not work. all we do now is just be there for my dad....%26amp; i think that is all you can do for your mum. be strong...not easy i know...she is lucky to have a caring child like you!!
I've been in the same situation as you and I'm afraid the above answers are quite right, you can't make them do it.
My mam got seriously unwell because of her alcoholism and ended up in rehab, she discharged herself once then went back. When her time was up the next time and she came out she cut herself off from us all. At Christmas we never heard anything from her at all,
You need support from people who know what its all about, you can't cure her or even make her go to rehab or anything. i'm sorry to say alcoholics say what they think you want to hear them say 'I want to stop drinking', 'if I didn't have any drink in the house I would stop'.
The most important thing is for you to realise your mum has to take responsibility for herself and I know thats really, really hard, especially when you're young and want and need you mum back.
I know too how hard it is when you see other peoples mum's behaving normally, I still feel jealous of other peoples relationships and I don't know if that will ever change.
but at least I know that it's not my fault, its not something I did that made this happen.
As far as I know My mam is sober now, don't know where she is or if she's well but I hope she is. At the end of the day - like you said - she's my mam and I love her, despite the emotional damage thats been done by now.
I've put the link on for alateen which is a support group for teens with a problem drinker in the family. you might find it helpful, you might not, you might never get in touch with them but then again, you might.
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen/inde鈥?/a>
I hope things work out for you. Just remember you're not alone.
I'm a lot older than you (37) and I found it difficult when we were going through it this last few years, my heart goes out to you.
take care
you can not i had a friend who was like your mum it hard my friend was bad on drink it killed her in the end. try get help i not know you but do want to you to go through what i did it not nice if i had to tell you all i be here at xmas please try get help for her good luck take care
unless an alcoholic wants to stop they never will and trying to help can be extremely draining for yourself you could try encouraging her to do so and drop little hints about how this is affecting you. i have been trying to help a neighbour/friend to stop for about six years now and though she is fully aware of how bad her behaviour is due to instantaneous mood changes and depression and confusion due to brain damage through the drink she continues in a vicious cycle of drinking, harming herself and her pets, hurting her friends who are trying to help her to suddenly realising, apologising, saying she wants to stop and then obviously never doing so and over the time i have tried to help her doing so has made me very ill and had me attacked on countless occasions and even left me to die when i fell unconscious through diabetes and only now i have realised that i cannot ever hope to stop her and although she can be the nicest and most caring person you could want to meet she can instantaneously change to the most evil person ive ever known and has seriously hurt me on many occasions. taking the drink away will never help but if when sober she is willing to cut down and limit the amount and rally wants to stop you may get there in short steps if you must try unfortunately we live in a world where both crime, violence and often destitution are fuelled by alcohol and an alcoholic is a very selfish person who cares about nothing but there next drink. my advice would be dont waste too much of your own life trying to do the impossible but obviously as this is your mother it would be very hard to turn your back so i wish you luck and hope for you and your mums sake she can stop
I understand that it is natural to love our parents no matter who they are. First of all I hope you know it's not your fault, and I would encourage you to seek help from a variety of places; councilors, Pastor, Another adult you can trust. Though this may be hard to accept your mom can't come back until she realizes she needs help, no matter what she tells you (though she may love you) she needs a professional to help her. Yes it's your right to love her, just don't become a co- dependent or an enabler. Also I would encourage you to make a plan on what you want from your life, and ask for help so you can gain this instead of sacrificing and losing your self; while loving someone else. If she loves you, this will also be important to her. Otherwise you loose all the way around. I have experience with a father and an ex- boy friend (He passed away believing he could handle it, and he was only 36 yrs old). you can find a local ALA-teen or local hospitals/clinics for more help/advice. Sacred Heart is also a good rehab place, contact them. What you are going through you most realize is bigger than you, if you really love her. Good luck
You don't.
YOU cannot cure anyone, and with a problem like alcohol and drugs, they ONLY way the person will be cured is when THEY want to.
SAYING you want to stop and DOING it are two different things. Substance abusers will most often tell their loved ones anything to get the loved ones to stop nagging! it doesn't mean anything -- they are not going to stop.
One thing you MUST do is stop ';enabling'; her. DO NOT provide her with alcohol, or with the opportunity to get alcohol. DO NOT fix drinks for her. Take ALL alcohol out of your house. if she wants alcohol, she has to go buy it. Do not give her money. if she's already drunk, she can't drive -- she has to walk.
Eventually, she will get down to the point that she will realize that she either quits drinking or she will die. MAYBE you can enlist a doctor's help in this, but substance abusers won't listen to them, either. To the substance abuser, everybody is a liar.
If the doctor cannot help, then there is nothing you an do bu wait until she hits rock bottom. Be there to keep her safe from harming her own self, and LET her hit bottom. be there for her when she tried to fight her way back up.
/rant.How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?
There is nothing that you can do to change the hurt and pain that is in your mother. That is something that she is trying to deal with and blot out with the use of alcohol or whatever substance. You on the other hand have a chance to change your life for the better. Look up Al-Anon and find a meeting. You can even go to an Al-Ateen meeting where you will meet others who are facing the same issues as you. Find the help that you need and it is amazing what will happen to you and possibly your entire family.How do you cure an alcoholic who doesn't want to be cured?
You can't help her if she is refusing the help. You dad needs to ensure she has no access to the funds so he can take care of the finances properly.
She is says what you want her to say. Hopefully she will decide to get better before it is to late.
The only way for an alcoholic to stop drinking is to lose EVERYTHING they have and hit the rock buttom. family members leaving them, losing the job, house and everything. It is only then that they realize they must stop drinking.
You can't fix other people. No matter how much you want to be the one doing the fixing, only the other person can fix themselves. The best you can do is help.
You didn't cause it, you can't control it and your can't cure it. Let go, let God.
If someone doesn't want to be cured, you won't be able to cure them.
^^^^^
win.
i really do feel for you...my dad too is an alcoholic %26amp; there is really nothing any of us can do to cure them...until they admit they have a problem %26amp; are willing to go %26amp; get help.
if you take their drinks away...they will beg, steal or borrow to get more...so that too will not work. all we do now is just be there for my dad....%26amp; i think that is all you can do for your mum. be strong...not easy i know...she is lucky to have a caring child like you!!
I've been in the same situation as you and I'm afraid the above answers are quite right, you can't make them do it.
My mam got seriously unwell because of her alcoholism and ended up in rehab, she discharged herself once then went back. When her time was up the next time and she came out she cut herself off from us all. At Christmas we never heard anything from her at all,
You need support from people who know what its all about, you can't cure her or even make her go to rehab or anything. i'm sorry to say alcoholics say what they think you want to hear them say 'I want to stop drinking', 'if I didn't have any drink in the house I would stop'.
The most important thing is for you to realise your mum has to take responsibility for herself and I know thats really, really hard, especially when you're young and want and need you mum back.
I know too how hard it is when you see other peoples mum's behaving normally, I still feel jealous of other peoples relationships and I don't know if that will ever change.
but at least I know that it's not my fault, its not something I did that made this happen.
As far as I know My mam is sober now, don't know where she is or if she's well but I hope she is. At the end of the day - like you said - she's my mam and I love her, despite the emotional damage thats been done by now.
I've put the link on for alateen which is a support group for teens with a problem drinker in the family. you might find it helpful, you might not, you might never get in touch with them but then again, you might.
http://www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen/inde鈥?/a>
I hope things work out for you. Just remember you're not alone.
I'm a lot older than you (37) and I found it difficult when we were going through it this last few years, my heart goes out to you.
take care
you can not i had a friend who was like your mum it hard my friend was bad on drink it killed her in the end. try get help i not know you but do want to you to go through what i did it not nice if i had to tell you all i be here at xmas please try get help for her good luck take care
unless an alcoholic wants to stop they never will and trying to help can be extremely draining for yourself you could try encouraging her to do so and drop little hints about how this is affecting you. i have been trying to help a neighbour/friend to stop for about six years now and though she is fully aware of how bad her behaviour is due to instantaneous mood changes and depression and confusion due to brain damage through the drink she continues in a vicious cycle of drinking, harming herself and her pets, hurting her friends who are trying to help her to suddenly realising, apologising, saying she wants to stop and then obviously never doing so and over the time i have tried to help her doing so has made me very ill and had me attacked on countless occasions and even left me to die when i fell unconscious through diabetes and only now i have realised that i cannot ever hope to stop her and although she can be the nicest and most caring person you could want to meet she can instantaneously change to the most evil person ive ever known and has seriously hurt me on many occasions. taking the drink away will never help but if when sober she is willing to cut down and limit the amount and rally wants to stop you may get there in short steps if you must try unfortunately we live in a world where both crime, violence and often destitution are fuelled by alcohol and an alcoholic is a very selfish person who cares about nothing but there next drink. my advice would be dont waste too much of your own life trying to do the impossible but obviously as this is your mother it would be very hard to turn your back so i wish you luck and hope for you and your mums sake she can stop
I understand that it is natural to love our parents no matter who they are. First of all I hope you know it's not your fault, and I would encourage you to seek help from a variety of places; councilors, Pastor, Another adult you can trust. Though this may be hard to accept your mom can't come back until she realizes she needs help, no matter what she tells you (though she may love you) she needs a professional to help her. Yes it's your right to love her, just don't become a co- dependent or an enabler. Also I would encourage you to make a plan on what you want from your life, and ask for help so you can gain this instead of sacrificing and losing your self; while loving someone else. If she loves you, this will also be important to her. Otherwise you loose all the way around. I have experience with a father and an ex- boy friend (He passed away believing he could handle it, and he was only 36 yrs old). you can find a local ALA-teen or local hospitals/clinics for more help/advice. Sacred Heart is also a good rehab place, contact them. What you are going through you most realize is bigger than you, if you really love her. Good luck
You don't.
YOU cannot cure anyone, and with a problem like alcohol and drugs, they ONLY way the person will be cured is when THEY want to.
SAYING you want to stop and DOING it are two different things. Substance abusers will most often tell their loved ones anything to get the loved ones to stop nagging! it doesn't mean anything -- they are not going to stop.
One thing you MUST do is stop ';enabling'; her. DO NOT provide her with alcohol, or with the opportunity to get alcohol. DO NOT fix drinks for her. Take ALL alcohol out of your house. if she wants alcohol, she has to go buy it. Do not give her money. if she's already drunk, she can't drive -- she has to walk.
Eventually, she will get down to the point that she will realize that she either quits drinking or she will die. MAYBE you can enlist a doctor's help in this, but substance abusers won't listen to them, either. To the substance abuser, everybody is a liar.
If the doctor cannot help, then there is nothing you an do bu wait until she hits rock bottom. Be there to keep her safe from harming her own self, and LET her hit bottom. be there for her when she tried to fight her way back up.
What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?
Before our child was conceived, my BF had a severe (4+times/week) cocaine use/habit %26amp; was a heavy drinker (5+ drinks, 3-5 times/week). He then got emergency custody of his kids %26amp; his substance abuse toned down. Since his kids are now having visitation with their mother, he's taken back to the old habits -- mostly when the kids are gone. However, he still sneaks out after they're in bed or takes off for hours -- leaving me to take care of the household. With a baby on the way, he promised he wasn't doing cocaine any more and I had only witnessed the intoxication on about a once a week basis. I did just recently figure out he's been lying about being ';clean'; from cocaine. Here's my problem: I don't think I can/will expose my new baby to this behavior. I'm afraid he shouldn't be alone with a baby. I've shielded my son (8) from his habits but I'm terrified about the baby. He often says his kids are old enough (11-14) to take care of themselves so leaving for hours to hang out at a bar is fine. They can ';cook %26amp; clothe themselves.'; Yet a baby cannot. I am trying to find a place to live but feel a tremendous guilt about leaving his kids with no one that's really here for them. I feel horrible about splitting my son up from kids he regards as closely as siblings. His kids have confided that they feel I am the only person that takes care of them %26amp; have learned that having a dad gone all hours of the night is not ';normal.';
I have taken on the horrible task of documenting all his behavior. I have the phone records of his calls to his dealer. I have copies of credit card statements showing the amount of time %26amp; money he spends in bars.... I'm pretty sure he won't get any custodial rights to the baby. HOWEVER, I do not want it to come to some ugly mud slinging court case. I just want him to sign off all paternal right to the baby and let me fend for myself. I don't want to have to tell anyone that my baby's father is an alcoholic %26amp; drug addict but I don't know what I'm going to say when I move a month before a baby is born. I also feel very guilty about the fact that I am far from excited about the baby coming. I have no names. I have clothes %26amp; a car seat for the baby -- but nothing more. I have been waiting nine months for dad to change and I have put myself in a position requiring emergency action. He initially said he would move... then he said he would find me a place to live and pay for the first 6 months... now he's saying I'm on my own. I just wonder if moving with no job is even possible??? Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, if I just ignore his behavior, stay here, take care of all the kids -- money %26amp; a place to live are not a problem. It just doesn't seem right.
I've asked him to go to get help. He regrets his behavior but seems to think it's no big deal to be drunk all weekend (since Friday and counting...) and tells me it's none of my business. He will not go to a counseling or rehab service. He knows how to trick all the drug tests he needed to take to get custody of his kids. It just seems that waiting is hopeless. Since his habits are hidden, I look like a bit of a lunatic -- he's never been charged with drug crimes or alcohol related tickets. He's a steady provider that owns his own company. He's not abusive (except he calls me all kinds of names when he's drunk) and hides his ways very well. The whole situation has me scared, sad %26amp; feeling very stupid for exposing myself to this for so long. I cry a lot and I don't want to be around anyone except my family. If I had my way, I wouldn't even get out of bed but I have responsibilities.
From a completely non bias onlooker, what do I do?What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?
RUN! If he did not get clean for his other kids he certainly is not going to do it for you or your child. People who use cocaine or drink for long periods of time are highly unstable. Do you want to take the chance that he is driving one day intoxicated, pulled over and the police take your child from you for allowing him contact while you know full well he is a user.
Purely from a child protection stand point, I work for department of health and If I learned that you were aware of his ';problem'; and stayed with him, I would seriously question your protective capacity. What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?
Sounds like you already know what you need to do and so far you've done all the right things. Now you have to keep that positive action and apply it to all areas of your life. I understand that this is very emotional but you must protect your baby. Don't feel guilty about doing the right thing
When it comes to drug addicts and alcoholics, it is them that have to decide to go for help. They can go for you , but it will not work unless it is their idea to go. You can not make him better, he has to decide where he wants his life to end up. If he decides to let his life go down the tubes , don't go with him. You need to take care of your self, and try to get him to want help. Get on with your life, and live for yourself and the baby.
Good Luck with him,
I have taken on the horrible task of documenting all his behavior. I have the phone records of his calls to his dealer. I have copies of credit card statements showing the amount of time %26amp; money he spends in bars.... I'm pretty sure he won't get any custodial rights to the baby. HOWEVER, I do not want it to come to some ugly mud slinging court case. I just want him to sign off all paternal right to the baby and let me fend for myself. I don't want to have to tell anyone that my baby's father is an alcoholic %26amp; drug addict but I don't know what I'm going to say when I move a month before a baby is born. I also feel very guilty about the fact that I am far from excited about the baby coming. I have no names. I have clothes %26amp; a car seat for the baby -- but nothing more. I have been waiting nine months for dad to change and I have put myself in a position requiring emergency action. He initially said he would move... then he said he would find me a place to live and pay for the first 6 months... now he's saying I'm on my own. I just wonder if moving with no job is even possible??? Am I doing the right thing? Honestly, if I just ignore his behavior, stay here, take care of all the kids -- money %26amp; a place to live are not a problem. It just doesn't seem right.
I've asked him to go to get help. He regrets his behavior but seems to think it's no big deal to be drunk all weekend (since Friday and counting...) and tells me it's none of my business. He will not go to a counseling or rehab service. He knows how to trick all the drug tests he needed to take to get custody of his kids. It just seems that waiting is hopeless. Since his habits are hidden, I look like a bit of a lunatic -- he's never been charged with drug crimes or alcohol related tickets. He's a steady provider that owns his own company. He's not abusive (except he calls me all kinds of names when he's drunk) and hides his ways very well. The whole situation has me scared, sad %26amp; feeling very stupid for exposing myself to this for so long. I cry a lot and I don't want to be around anyone except my family. If I had my way, I wouldn't even get out of bed but I have responsibilities.
From a completely non bias onlooker, what do I do?What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?
RUN! If he did not get clean for his other kids he certainly is not going to do it for you or your child. People who use cocaine or drink for long periods of time are highly unstable. Do you want to take the chance that he is driving one day intoxicated, pulled over and the police take your child from you for allowing him contact while you know full well he is a user.
Purely from a child protection stand point, I work for department of health and If I learned that you were aware of his ';problem'; and stayed with him, I would seriously question your protective capacity. What to do about an alcoholic/drug addict father?
Sounds like you already know what you need to do and so far you've done all the right things. Now you have to keep that positive action and apply it to all areas of your life. I understand that this is very emotional but you must protect your baby. Don't feel guilty about doing the right thing
When it comes to drug addicts and alcoholics, it is them that have to decide to go for help. They can go for you , but it will not work unless it is their idea to go. You can not make him better, he has to decide where he wants his life to end up. If he decides to let his life go down the tubes , don't go with him. You need to take care of your self, and try to get him to want help. Get on with your life, and live for yourself and the baby.
Good Luck with him,
When should i apply for financial aid?
i am only a junior in high school coming up. and i just wanted to know how and when i should try and get Financial aid. i am planning on moving out so how will that work if i do not live with my parent/very alcoholic Bitc hWhen should i apply for financial aid?
You should start working on your FAFSA in your senior year of high school (Feb/March) if you plan on entering college in the fall semester after you graduate. (http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/)
If you don't want to live with your parents you will typically have to stay in the dorms at least for your freshman year. It is a good idea because most people meet their really close college friends in their dorms.
Once you figure out what school you are going to you should contact the financial aid office. They will normally answer any questions you have whether general or specific.When should i apply for financial aid?
Maybe you can try below website to get the information you need. It's about a unique student loans solution for your second opinion.
You need to complete the FAFSA by January of your senior year. So the sooner you do it, the better! You can find out more about financial aid here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/fina鈥?/a>
And if you need student loans, read about them here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/stud鈥?/a>
Good luck!
apply now
You should start working on your FAFSA in your senior year of high school (Feb/March) if you plan on entering college in the fall semester after you graduate. (http://www.fafsa.ed.gov/)
If you don't want to live with your parents you will typically have to stay in the dorms at least for your freshman year. It is a good idea because most people meet their really close college friends in their dorms.
Once you figure out what school you are going to you should contact the financial aid office. They will normally answer any questions you have whether general or specific.When should i apply for financial aid?
Maybe you can try below website to get the information you need. It's about a unique student loans solution for your second opinion.
You need to complete the FAFSA by January of your senior year. So the sooner you do it, the better! You can find out more about financial aid here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/fina鈥?/a>
And if you need student loans, read about them here:
http://www.studentfinancedomain.com/stud鈥?/a>
Good luck!
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Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?
My 36 yr old best friend and fiance is drinking more often at higher quantities. He is Irish and German and drinking runs in his family so I understand that if he is an alcoholic, it is probably hereditary. He is bipolar for about 15 years (so is his mother) and he has been taking Lithium for a while and is doing great regarding his bipolar disease. He drinks. He drinks at Least every other day. We both have been looking for full time jobs and we may loose my house to foreclosure, so the situation is stressful already. We are handling all this fairly well because we know that we are together no matter what. BUT.... I do not desire to be with an alcoholic. He has a new friend who drinks nightly and my fiance is doing the same when they hang out together. The other man is in his 50's, a vet, not married, has a bunch of guns, money, and works in construction. My fiance was suppose to be getting work from him and attending jobs with him. For the 3 weeks they have known each other my fiance has brought home about 40 dollars, gets DRUNK when is with this guy. It started as going to his house for work, then coming home drunk, then spending the night because he is too drunk to drive home. He has spent the night as this guy's house twice. It's not really his house. He is house sitting a mansion actually, so I can see the attraction from my fiance's side....free beer and liquor and hanging out in a very nice place.
My fiance lies, he'll tell me that he going over there to work and comes home with no money. He can't even pay his car note or his auto insurance. He'll call me and tell me he is coming home in a couple minutes or a little while and I won't see him until I wake up in the morning. He asks me for gas money to get to his part time job, but he'll come home with beer and is asking me for money two days later. I was laid off from my full time job and now I only have a part time job which doesn't touch my mortgage payment. He knows this. He knows that the mortgage hasn't been paid since June and he knows that we are not doing good at all financially. He throws a childlike tantrum and gets rude and snippy if he can't drink. If I tell him that I will go put gas in his car for him, he gets mad and snippy because he won't be able to purchase beer. He started drinking more than every other day about 5 weeks ago, but we can't afford it and he has EVERY excuse in the world to ';need'; a drink. I don't drink. I use to drink wine which took me about 2 weeks to go through, but I stopped buying it about 6 months ago and because I know it is not an essential and needed product in this house. He doesn't understand that 20 buck a week for beer is TOO MUCH, we can't afford it and I am starving (because he eats twice as much as I) literally. He knows all this....................................鈥?br>
He knows that I won't marry an alcoholic (who refuses to get help) no matter how much we love each other. He is also vegan which he and I know isn't good for someone with bipolar disease, but he has been vegan for decades and it is how he eats, but he thinks that drinking isn't hurting him at all. He is already getting fatter since he has been drinking more often.
I told him that I want him to live as long as me and that he is speeding up his bipolar disease, that he shouldn't be drinking while on Lithium even though his disease is in check right now, that we can't afford it, that he shoudn't drink and drive, because he does....BUT he still comes up with ridiculous excuses to DRINK. We made an agreement about 2 months ago that he would only have 2 beers a night every other night. This was his idea and we both agreed. He broke the agreement about 3 days later and drank for 3 days in a row after we got into an argument.
Does he just not care?
Is he an alcoholic?
Should I break up with him?Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?
I think you answered this all by yourself - \
';My fiance lies';
';he still comes up with ridiculous excuses to DRINK.';
';He broke the agreement about 3 days ';
If you're doubting this relationship and asking complete strangers for advice I believe you already know the answer. :(
Be strong, get out and look back on this in 20 years as a good decision and not ';I wonder what I could've been or could've done';. Remember to love yourself first then find someone to share it with. Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?
I will be a hard life if you stay with him. Unless he changes very soon, I'd break it off. Hard to do, but youhave the rest of your life ahead of you and easier to break it off now than after being married...
I do not desire to be with an alcoholic? Yep l agree with ttommyfu. Sounds like you already made up your mind you just need to get some reinforcement. Get a job make the break or else let him drag you down with him.RR
Re-read your own question and pretend you are advising someone else in your situation. What would you say?
This fellow has a severe drinking problem, isn't taking proper care of his bipolar disorder, lies, is argumentative, and is financially irresponsible. Even ONE of those problems would be a deal-breaker for me personally, but all of them, taken together, can spell nothing more than a life of heartache and unless you are one who loves misery, you absolutely cannot marry this person. Also bipolar disorder has a hereditary component, so any kids you have might have the same problems.
Definitely break up with this guy; he is not marriage material and he never will be.
necklace myspace codes
My fiance lies, he'll tell me that he going over there to work and comes home with no money. He can't even pay his car note or his auto insurance. He'll call me and tell me he is coming home in a couple minutes or a little while and I won't see him until I wake up in the morning. He asks me for gas money to get to his part time job, but he'll come home with beer and is asking me for money two days later. I was laid off from my full time job and now I only have a part time job which doesn't touch my mortgage payment. He knows this. He knows that the mortgage hasn't been paid since June and he knows that we are not doing good at all financially. He throws a childlike tantrum and gets rude and snippy if he can't drink. If I tell him that I will go put gas in his car for him, he gets mad and snippy because he won't be able to purchase beer. He started drinking more than every other day about 5 weeks ago, but we can't afford it and he has EVERY excuse in the world to ';need'; a drink. I don't drink. I use to drink wine which took me about 2 weeks to go through, but I stopped buying it about 6 months ago and because I know it is not an essential and needed product in this house. He doesn't understand that 20 buck a week for beer is TOO MUCH, we can't afford it and I am starving (because he eats twice as much as I) literally. He knows all this....................................鈥?br>
He knows that I won't marry an alcoholic (who refuses to get help) no matter how much we love each other. He is also vegan which he and I know isn't good for someone with bipolar disease, but he has been vegan for decades and it is how he eats, but he thinks that drinking isn't hurting him at all. He is already getting fatter since he has been drinking more often.
I told him that I want him to live as long as me and that he is speeding up his bipolar disease, that he shouldn't be drinking while on Lithium even though his disease is in check right now, that we can't afford it, that he shoudn't drink and drive, because he does....BUT he still comes up with ridiculous excuses to DRINK. We made an agreement about 2 months ago that he would only have 2 beers a night every other night. This was his idea and we both agreed. He broke the agreement about 3 days later and drank for 3 days in a row after we got into an argument.
Does he just not care?
Is he an alcoholic?
Should I break up with him?Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?
I think you answered this all by yourself - \
';My fiance lies';
';he still comes up with ridiculous excuses to DRINK.';
';He broke the agreement about 3 days ';
If you're doubting this relationship and asking complete strangers for advice I believe you already know the answer. :(
Be strong, get out and look back on this in 20 years as a good decision and not ';I wonder what I could've been or could've done';. Remember to love yourself first then find someone to share it with. Is my fiance an alcoholic and should I stay with him?
I will be a hard life if you stay with him. Unless he changes very soon, I'd break it off. Hard to do, but youhave the rest of your life ahead of you and easier to break it off now than after being married...
I do not desire to be with an alcoholic? Yep l agree with ttommyfu. Sounds like you already made up your mind you just need to get some reinforcement. Get a job make the break or else let him drag you down with him.RR
Re-read your own question and pretend you are advising someone else in your situation. What would you say?
This fellow has a severe drinking problem, isn't taking proper care of his bipolar disorder, lies, is argumentative, and is financially irresponsible. Even ONE of those problems would be a deal-breaker for me personally, but all of them, taken together, can spell nothing more than a life of heartache and unless you are one who loves misery, you absolutely cannot marry this person. Also bipolar disorder has a hereditary component, so any kids you have might have the same problems.
Definitely break up with this guy; he is not marriage material and he never will be.
Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?
In the past, I've lost two family members due to alcohol related illnesses. And currently my mom is suffering from alcoholism as well, and I have many not related alcoholics in my family such as step dad ect. just like most of all the other females in my family. I've noticed that my siblings 19 and 20 and my cousin 17 all seem to be drinking a lot a well.
I'm a fifteen year old female, so it doesn't seem like I'd be at a high risk, But I started drinking at 11, and drank so much i had alcohol poising and got an M.I.P. charge all at 12. I've spent 4 years drinking very heavily.
In the last two years, I drank more and on average during the school year, I drank almost twice every weekend and at least on day during the week alone up in my bedroom. And in the summer, it probably equaled out to about 5 times per week. As a general rule, on a drinking night I consume about 5 to 7 shots of a 40% alcohol liquor
And through the years, I've drank a half of a fifth and almost a complete one, I currently weigh 127 pounds but have weighed even less like 110 to my current weight and been able to put away close to the same amount.
Physically, I don't think I'm an alcoholic, I have no with draw symptoms, or anything involving the shakes %26amp; ect.
However I'm not even sure if this is possible but in some terms
I feel like I'm an alcoholic emotionally wise, like my body isn't addicted yet, but something about me emotionally is,
I haven't drank in the past three weeks, and it wasn't a struggle,
(I never set out to stop, the way many things turned out, just allowed that to happen.)
But, now that I'm not really drinking I feel like something in my heart and in my life is missing. Hanging out with my friends, is different, it's simply not the same and it's boring. %26amp; alcohol has been such a big part of my life for so long, now that I don't really drink I spend my weekends at home, I feel so dumb like i don't have friends, actually me not drinking has caused some distance between a few of my very close friends.
I'm going through a lot of things in my life, and now that I have to deal with them, without alcohol taking the edge off, i realize how much I wish I were drinking. Pictures of me and my friends drunk at parties seem so far away now....
I'm so confused, I thought that chilling out with my drinking was going
to make things better as a whole, and allow me to finally be happy,
But instead I'm full of indescribable feelings and emotions, and the funny thing is, I felt the exact same way in sixth grade, when I decided to leave drinking, and all my bad friends in the past,
I've saw from first hand experience what alcoholism can do,
I watched my aunt slowly kill her self through the years,
and watched my grandma do the same. I watched my mom
also do the same, as well as my step dad and other grandma
I watch my brother constantly get DUI and go to jail, and in
my own life I know what alcohol dose to you.
From my own drinking experiences, I've saw the choices
alcohol has help me make, and I've saw the evils of it,
and I've felt like i was in a bottomless hole after week
after week after week of drinking, and having sex with
random guys.
I watched alcoholics bounce from rehab to rehab,
and watched them in the hospital with they're liver dysfunctions
and pancreas problems, and long ago I've decided that
wont be the life I'll live,
After all that, I don't understand why I still drink,
I know a lot about alcoholism, the effects the
death statistics, yet they don't affect me when I'm
drinking or stop me I just keep drinking,
and making the same mistakes over and over?
I'm so confused right now,
What the hell is wrong w/ me, why can't I stop drinking after everything
i've been through with it, and all IK about it?
Am I already becoming an alcoholic?
If I'm not, what is the risk of me becoming one?
How can I prevent this?
If I'm so unhappy about my drinking, why am i not happy about stopping either?
-I don't want to be an alcoholic, I really don't want to drink again, and let these 3 weeks be my start of sobriety, but these past weeks I've been hanging out around home, and stuff with friends that I have no temptation, how am I going to resist alcohol at a party, or if i simply go out once again, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life bored at home,
And with these emotions I'm feeling after not drinking, are they normal? Do any others get them or am I just really depressed?
Is there anyways to stop them?Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?
The short answer is - yes...you have become an alcoholic (that's why you can't stop drinking even with everything you've seen %26amp; been through). You started drinking at an unusually young age, you drink too much and too often. Its already affected your health (alcohol poisoning) and your relationships. On the positive side, you are still young, you've been able to quit for three weeks and you sound very insightful, sensitive, intelligent and motivated to find answers and do the right thing. You need to continue to NOT drink...get some help to help you stay sober and gain insight as to what purpose alcohol is serving for you (you may suffer from depression %26amp; use alcohol as a means of feeling less depressed or masking anxiety or just general negative feelings). Counseling for alcohol treatment will help you get to the bottom of those feelings, how you use alcohol and what you can do to constructively manage negative feelings. You're feelings are very normal for what you've been going through. You could start with an Ala-Teen group in your area. That approach doesn't work for everyone, but its a good place to start to learn about alcoholism.
I'm glad you posted your concerns.Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?
you should start drinking root beer for a while thats stuff is great for curing diseases
Unfortunately. yes it does sound like you are an alcoholic than is hurting and using it to dampen your silent suffering. Seek God, He'll help you get to the root of your pain that you may not even know exists. I'll keep you in my prayers. May He bless you with the truth and help heal you.
Yes, you are an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease and it's not something you can treat alone. You need to join a support group and make friends with people who don't drink. It's hard to believe but not all teens drink or do drugs. I'm 31 and waited until I was 23 to have my first drink and I have never done any drugs...not even marijuana.
Alcoholism cannot be cured so it's very important to have the support of friends and/or family. If you are unable to go to your family for help, it's time to talk to a teacher, counselor, minister, etc. Please get help now! Your life depends on it.
Good luck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds somewhat like your only activity with your friends is drinking. Do you ever do anything together besides that? If you don't then you've based your friendships on alcohol which isn't good.
Whatever you do don't drink to get rid of feelings. That is what alcoholism is.
I'm a fifteen year old female, so it doesn't seem like I'd be at a high risk, But I started drinking at 11, and drank so much i had alcohol poising and got an M.I.P. charge all at 12. I've spent 4 years drinking very heavily.
In the last two years, I drank more and on average during the school year, I drank almost twice every weekend and at least on day during the week alone up in my bedroom. And in the summer, it probably equaled out to about 5 times per week. As a general rule, on a drinking night I consume about 5 to 7 shots of a 40% alcohol liquor
And through the years, I've drank a half of a fifth and almost a complete one, I currently weigh 127 pounds but have weighed even less like 110 to my current weight and been able to put away close to the same amount.
Physically, I don't think I'm an alcoholic, I have no with draw symptoms, or anything involving the shakes %26amp; ect.
However I'm not even sure if this is possible but in some terms
I feel like I'm an alcoholic emotionally wise, like my body isn't addicted yet, but something about me emotionally is,
I haven't drank in the past three weeks, and it wasn't a struggle,
(I never set out to stop, the way many things turned out, just allowed that to happen.)
But, now that I'm not really drinking I feel like something in my heart and in my life is missing. Hanging out with my friends, is different, it's simply not the same and it's boring. %26amp; alcohol has been such a big part of my life for so long, now that I don't really drink I spend my weekends at home, I feel so dumb like i don't have friends, actually me not drinking has caused some distance between a few of my very close friends.
I'm going through a lot of things in my life, and now that I have to deal with them, without alcohol taking the edge off, i realize how much I wish I were drinking. Pictures of me and my friends drunk at parties seem so far away now....
I'm so confused, I thought that chilling out with my drinking was going
to make things better as a whole, and allow me to finally be happy,
But instead I'm full of indescribable feelings and emotions, and the funny thing is, I felt the exact same way in sixth grade, when I decided to leave drinking, and all my bad friends in the past,
I've saw from first hand experience what alcoholism can do,
I watched my aunt slowly kill her self through the years,
and watched my grandma do the same. I watched my mom
also do the same, as well as my step dad and other grandma
I watch my brother constantly get DUI and go to jail, and in
my own life I know what alcohol dose to you.
From my own drinking experiences, I've saw the choices
alcohol has help me make, and I've saw the evils of it,
and I've felt like i was in a bottomless hole after week
after week after week of drinking, and having sex with
random guys.
I watched alcoholics bounce from rehab to rehab,
and watched them in the hospital with they're liver dysfunctions
and pancreas problems, and long ago I've decided that
wont be the life I'll live,
After all that, I don't understand why I still drink,
I know a lot about alcoholism, the effects the
death statistics, yet they don't affect me when I'm
drinking or stop me I just keep drinking,
and making the same mistakes over and over?
I'm so confused right now,
What the hell is wrong w/ me, why can't I stop drinking after everything
i've been through with it, and all IK about it?
Am I already becoming an alcoholic?
If I'm not, what is the risk of me becoming one?
How can I prevent this?
If I'm so unhappy about my drinking, why am i not happy about stopping either?
-I don't want to be an alcoholic, I really don't want to drink again, and let these 3 weeks be my start of sobriety, but these past weeks I've been hanging out around home, and stuff with friends that I have no temptation, how am I going to resist alcohol at a party, or if i simply go out once again, because I don't want to spend the rest of my life bored at home,
And with these emotions I'm feeling after not drinking, are they normal? Do any others get them or am I just really depressed?
Is there anyways to stop them?Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?
The short answer is - yes...you have become an alcoholic (that's why you can't stop drinking even with everything you've seen %26amp; been through). You started drinking at an unusually young age, you drink too much and too often. Its already affected your health (alcohol poisoning) and your relationships. On the positive side, you are still young, you've been able to quit for three weeks and you sound very insightful, sensitive, intelligent and motivated to find answers and do the right thing. You need to continue to NOT drink...get some help to help you stay sober and gain insight as to what purpose alcohol is serving for you (you may suffer from depression %26amp; use alcohol as a means of feeling less depressed or masking anxiety or just general negative feelings). Counseling for alcohol treatment will help you get to the bottom of those feelings, how you use alcohol and what you can do to constructively manage negative feelings. You're feelings are very normal for what you've been going through. You could start with an Ala-Teen group in your area. That approach doesn't work for everyone, but its a good place to start to learn about alcoholism.
I'm glad you posted your concerns.Am I becoming an Alcoholic? What is the risk I'll be one if i'm not yet one?
you should start drinking root beer for a while thats stuff is great for curing diseases
Unfortunately. yes it does sound like you are an alcoholic than is hurting and using it to dampen your silent suffering. Seek God, He'll help you get to the root of your pain that you may not even know exists. I'll keep you in my prayers. May He bless you with the truth and help heal you.
Yes, you are an alcoholic. Alcoholism is a disease and it's not something you can treat alone. You need to join a support group and make friends with people who don't drink. It's hard to believe but not all teens drink or do drugs. I'm 31 and waited until I was 23 to have my first drink and I have never done any drugs...not even marijuana.
Alcoholism cannot be cured so it's very important to have the support of friends and/or family. If you are unable to go to your family for help, it's time to talk to a teacher, counselor, minister, etc. Please get help now! Your life depends on it.
Good luck.
Correct me if I'm wrong but it sounds somewhat like your only activity with your friends is drinking. Do you ever do anything together besides that? If you don't then you've based your friendships on alcohol which isn't good.
Whatever you do don't drink to get rid of feelings. That is what alcoholism is.
My alcoholic friend is flipping out and coming to stay here?
she's going to stay for a few days...she is currently living with an abusive boyfriend, drinking waayy too much and basically not doing anything with ther life...they had a huge fight and she said she needs to get away for a few days (I live 2 hours away) ...I am off work for the next few days so I said she could come...any tips or suggestions of how to advise her or really get through to her?My alcoholic friend is flipping out and coming to stay here?
The first thing you need to do is either a) get rid of all of your alcohol or b) lock up and hide your alcohol because you definitely do not want to encourage her bad habit. Also, you have to either report her boyfriend or get her away from him for GOOD. Chances are that one of the main reasons she is drinking is because her boyfriend is abusive. If her habit seems extremely malignant you have to check her into rehab right away and make sure she has the resources to get her life back together; trust me, you'd be the best friend in the world to do this. My alcoholic friend is flipping out and coming to stay here?
Take her to an AA meeting. And keep in mind that you are not responsible for her. You can only guide her, the rest is up to her.
try to keep her from drinking for one
you need to do what you can to convince her not to continue in an abusive relationship and let her know she has your support
The first thing you need to do is either a) get rid of all of your alcohol or b) lock up and hide your alcohol because you definitely do not want to encourage her bad habit. Also, you have to either report her boyfriend or get her away from him for GOOD. Chances are that one of the main reasons she is drinking is because her boyfriend is abusive. If her habit seems extremely malignant you have to check her into rehab right away and make sure she has the resources to get her life back together; trust me, you'd be the best friend in the world to do this. My alcoholic friend is flipping out and coming to stay here?
Take her to an AA meeting. And keep in mind that you are not responsible for her. You can only guide her, the rest is up to her.
try to keep her from drinking for one
you need to do what you can to convince her not to continue in an abusive relationship and let her know she has your support
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