My Husband who is currently a ';recovering'; alcoholic claims it is better for him to live alone rather than with his children and myself to remain sober. I told him he was being selfish and he showed me how the ';big'; book (AA) claims that its ok for him as that is truly the only way for him to remain sober. I do not understand how a program can say it is better to walk away from those you love then to try to fit the program into your life while still being a family man? Am I being completely selfish myself?Does a recovering alcoholic have to give up his family to remain sober?
%26gt; Does a recovering alcoholic have to give up his family to remain sober?
Only if his family are continuing to drink around him.
Otherwise, it's better that the fellow remain in a supportive atmosphere. A man who's alone is more likely to turn to alcohol again.Does a recovering alcoholic have to give up his family to remain sober?
Yikes, I'd like to know where in the Big Book it indicates a person has to give up their family in order to stay sober. It does state that sobriety has to come first in a recovering person's life.
First and foremost, I would suggest you go to an Alanon meeting where you can get some wonderful support for yourself. Your first meeting will more than likely be a 1st step meeting, where the other members share with you what it was like for them and what they have been through with their alcoholic mate, and how things have changed for them for the better.
Please hookup with this group. I can't begin to tell you what I have personally learned from these courageous and helpful group of people. They understand!!
Sounds like your husband may be new to AA. That's ok.......you can be new to Alanon.
I don't think you need to give up FAMILY, but you DO need to give up all your past bad habits. Recovering is alwasy the hardest part, whether its drugs, alcohol, relationships, whatever it is, but in regards to alcoholism, sobriety is tough to control. I had a problem about a year and a half ago. Went to RecoveryConnection.org and they forwarded me to an amazing recovery program/facility where I learned what to give up and what needed to be first in my life, like family. Family is the most important medicine when it comes to recovering.
I have been sober for the last twenty six years.I would never have achieved this without the help and encouragement of my family I believe that your husband is not so much selfish as stupid.When A A recommends that an alcoholic change his life they certainly do not include leaving the family home as one of the conditions of maintaining ones sobriety (unless there is a serious problem in the home and from the tone of your question I do not believe this is so)There is an organization called Al Anon which can advise and help you I think you should get in touch with them as soon as possible
I've been sober 10.5 years, went to AA for the first nine before quitting in disgust over the constant relapsing and sick behavior among my fellow members...not to mention the bizarre ideology of the group. One part of that bizarre ideology is, in fact, the notion that only an alcoholic can understand another alcoholic. Over time it is not at all unusual for AA members to emotionally disengage from their families, believing that their family members just cannot understand them or appreciate their special problems like other cult--er, I mean AA--members can.
That said, I am sure, having read the Big Book hundreds of times, that it does not say, anywhere in there, that a person has to leave his family in order to get sober. It says a lot of completely crazy stuff, but it does not say that, or even imply it.
As far as al-anon...you know, if any group could be crazier than AA, al-anon would be that group. Al-anon is not a group for people who want to support the recovery of their family members...no, it is a bunch of people thinking they have a disease themselves from living with an alcoholic!
And this is what we call ';alcoholism treatment';. Pathetic.
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