My husband and I have been living together since we were 16 (now 22). We got married when we were 18 but it seems like over the past few years we've grown apart. I haven't been happy in a long time and we've struggled with separations and talks about divorce but I always end up giving into him. His father died when he was 12 and he lived with his alcoholic mother who emotionally abused him so part of me is just so guilty because I'm the only woman he's ever trusted and we've been through so much together over the past few years. He tells me he truly loves me and can't live without me but I feel as though it's because he's dependent on me and just afraid to be alone. We don't talk much (and yes... we do make time for each other... a lot of time) and the sex has been nearly non existent for at least 2 years. I've tried everything to be happy because I know he's a good person and he deserves the best but it just seems as though we got stuck almost in a sister and brother state somewhere along the line. There's been cheating on both our parts and I just don't think we can repair it. He has no one in his life if I leave... it also doesn't help that my family has basically been his family over the past few years and we have the same classes, etc. I know I'm not doing him any favors by sticking around if I'm not happy, but how do I cope with knowing that he has no one once I'm gone? Ideally, I'd like for us to remain friends but I know that's way stretching it. There's just so many things I want to do now that I'm getting older. I want to be independent and discover my own identity before having to make one for a family.
Any advice?Is it time to move on?
You are way too young to be in a loveless marriage. You don't mention kids thank goodness because i assume there aren't any. You both are practically kids yourselves. You both married too young and had to grow up too fast. Don't stay married just because you are afraid of change. He is a big boy and will do fine. You both need to move on so you can make separate lives for yourselves. Do not be in a hurry to jump into another relationship though. You have some big time self discovery to go through and a youth to enjoy. you are only young once.Is it time to move on?
He is 22, grown and can take care of himself.
He is not your child to be responsible for.
Move on, tell him it is best for both of you.
Learn from this and put more into your next relationship.
divorce him asap. you have so much life ahead of you and you don't deserve to be with him. don't feel guilty leaving him.
Oh hell, just divorce him already. Tell him maybe one of his girlfriend's can take him in. He made sure he had one of those, eh?
Maye. Because of his fragile nature please do it through marriage counseling.
You both need to get some counseling to decide what is best. Now you know why us older people say don't get married so young, you have your life ahead of you and need to find it before you can be happy with only one person. The fact that you both cheated means that you where not ready for marriage. Get some help and then move on so that both of you can come out of this situation whole. If you want to remain friends, then do so. If you don't mind that he shares your family, then welcome him there, but if it is going to cause you problems later on then that also needs to be talked about. This is not going to be easy, but both of you should be able to have a good life.
Move on. He can't be all that fragile if he has cheated. Enjoy expanding your horizons, extend your education, get a fabulous career, travel, meet some real interesting people and make some new friends. Being stuck in a sibling type relationship would suck! You were smart enough to either be on good birth control or lucky because you don't say anything about kids. You can enjoy life on your terms. You say he deserves the best? What about you? You already missed out on a carefree adolescence so get out there and see the world while you are still young because those 20s will go fast and you don't want to be in your 40s all pissed because you were watching young adults doing stuff you wished you had done. Like the Nike slogan said, ';Just Do It!';
It's not hard to see that you are really going through a tough time. You were young when you first dated your husband and you also got married very young. That didn't give you a chance to discover who you were at the time and now you feel you want to be independent and you want to discover your own identity. And there is nothing wrong with that. But what is stopping you from doing what you want to do is your husband. But if you are not happy in your marriage and you no longer have the same feelings for your husband that you once had then you need to tell him. Your husband didn't have an easy life growing up but that is not your problem. And you should not be his crutch because he thinks that he has no one but you in his life.
You are taking a big load on your shoulders for the problems that your husband has. Your husband had a bad childhood. After he was 12, he never had a father figure. He was abused emotionally by his mother and now you feel guilty because of his pain and what he had to go through. That is so wrong. What your husband went through as a child belongs to him. His only way out of it and to recover from it is for him to go into therapy. Your husband needs a professional so he or she can help him to deal and accept what was done to him as a child. Your husband has many issues from his past that he needs to work on. And because he has not dealt with his past then he carried that into your relationship and now you are both suffering because of it. The sad part here is that you are punishing you for staying with him because you feel guilty if you leave him. If your husband has no one besides you that is his problem and not yours. Your husband could have had lots of friends. He could have stayed in touch with uncles鈥?or aunt's. But he didn't do that. You became his only friend. And your family became his only family. And that was wrong for him to do that. Now it's almost like he has a hold on you because you are not doing what you need to do because you feel guilty if you break up the marriage. But dear, your marriage is not a healthy marriage. You are with someone that has major issues that he needs to work on. And your feelings for him are not longer there. You should not feel guilty about that.
You have become a woman now and your outlook on life has changed. You are now starting to realize that there is much more to life than this. You are starting to discover things about you that you find exciting but you are afraid to make the move. If you know that your marriage is over and cannot be repaired then don't put your life on hold because of your husband. He had a life before he met you and he'll have a life once he's on his own. Don't let what happened to your husband come between you and what you need to do. If you know deep down in your heart that you cannot salvage this marriage then you need to talk to your husband. You need to tell him the truth. If your feelings for him have changed then he needs to know it. If he offers you marriage counseling and you are willing to give it a try then go for it. But if you know that marriage counseling is not going to change what you feel you need to do then you may as well end the marriage. You need to remind you that you cannot stay in a marriage if there is no love. And you cannot stay in this marriage just because you think that your husband is going to be alone once you leave. Your husband will never be alone. He will start dating again so you don't ever have to worry that he's going to be alone. But you need to do what is best for you. You have a chance to get to know what it is that you want from life and you should go for it.
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