CALLING ALL WRITERS AND READERS! What do you think of this...?

What do you think of the prologue of my novel? Would you like to read further?





Here it is:





There was hardly anyone in sight as Natalie wended towards the old cemetery gate. The wind was bitter and cold, biting at her face like a ravenous wolf. Her silent tears stung at her eyes. The old church bells had announced midnight and to Natalie鈥檚 astonishment, she realized that it was Christmas today.





But it certainly didn鈥檛 feel like it. People associated this winter holiday season with happiness and joy but right now, these two things seemed to be so scarce for Natalie. There was some kind of murky stillness everywhere as she walked towards the cemetery gates, her face shining with tears as the moon put its silvery rays upon her.





The snow crunched beneath her feet as she dragged her legs. There was a sickly feeling in her stomach; every part of her body ached; the cramps on her knees sliced her with pain and anguish.





From the bars of the cemetery postern, she could see his grave. She felt as if a rock had been slashed towards her heart and waves of misery and hopelessness fluttered through her stomach.





He had been alive only a week ago. He had come to her, told her much he loved her but she had just ignored him. He wasn鈥檛 made for her. It was written in his destiny. In his grief, he had killed himself.





As she stood there, leaning towards the gate 鈥?a shaft of misery began to ebb within her soul. She鈥檇 wished she had known how much he had loved her. She wished she鈥檇 had stopped his suicide.





It was only after his death, she鈥檇 realized how unfair his life had been to him. He had been suffering from depression since his parents had divorced. He lived with his alcoholic, abusive father who didn鈥檛 care the least for his one and only son. His mother had abandoned him and remarried. His short life had been full of tears and misery. He had confined his life鈥檚 story, all of his thoughts and most of all his love for Natalie, in his little diary.





As Natalie stood there, she really wished she would have understood him, befriended him and took all of his worries away from his lonely soul. But it was hopeless now. She thought of his body rotting away, his heart crumbling away to dust, his remains being washed away with the next rain.





With these thoughts, she walked away from the graveyard, tears still flowing down her cheeks. She made a mental note in her mind to continue reading his diary as soon as she got home.CALLING ALL WRITERS AND READERS! What do you think of this...?
I wouldn't say this is bad writing at all, you certainly seem to have the feeling. But you ask if I would continue reading, then I would answer no I would not (not yet anyhow). If this is the style you chose to write I find you are a little bit dwelling on irelevant information and give away the important factors without any details. For instance when you mention 'he had killed himself' ... I asume you will come back to it later in your story, but you just give away that fact, and getting back to that fact would make me read that part with lack of interest.





Apart from that I do like the concept, and even though you will get comments about your story being a common one after that, I would not let this discourage me. Nearly all stories seem common if you read only one page, unless you go over the top and then will hear it's too crazy.





The last bit of comment I guess is the comment people keep giving me all the time... 'exessive punctuation'





My end conclusion, keep working on it! You may be able to make something good out of this.CALLING ALL WRITERS AND READERS! What do you think of this...?
Your writing is good, but there's something about it that just seems very common. Try hinting at something later in the novel or adding something else in to make the scene unique and to really draw the reader in.
is this the very beginning? i think you should add just a little more to the beginning but other than that i really like this theme to the story [:
I love this story so much. I like the way you added the details and everything. Keep up the good work.
Your prologue is awesome it sounds a little like 13 reasons why.


But if you continue to write more could you send me chapter one
I am really impressed by your writing, and it is very well developed. You use a lot of imagery, and it thoroughly engages the reader in what you're trying to portray. The ideas could be developed in areas a bit more, but the imagery is there, as well as some of the transitional words. Good luck in the rest of your writing, and I know that you will do a great job!
It's good!!!! I was intrigued





One thing though... change ';hardly'; to ';barely'; or stick it in a thesaurus. I just have always thought that 'hardly' sounds like an amateurish word, unless it's in dialogue.





and another thing but you don't have to pay any attention... In some places sentences start with 'She'; and the next one is ';She'; and the next one is ';She';. I know it's really easy to do that, I do it too but I'm trying to stop because I find it frustrating while reading





For example





From the bars of the cemetery postern, she could see his grave. She felt as if a rock had been slashed towards her heart and waves of misery and hopelessness fluttered through her stomach.





to %26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;%26gt;








';...she could see his grave. Waves of misery and hopelessness fluttered through her stomach.';





Anything like that but just try to cut out overused words. Read it out loud and you'll know what I mean
I really liked the type of language you used in your prologue, it suited the passage perfectly. Although, the part where she visits him in the cemetery only a week after his death is weird, because people are never buried that quickly, especially suicidal cases. And the discovery of the diary in the graveyard in this passage would have been better to put into this passage other then she already have found it. It gives a little bit more of a mystery to the story. Other then that I'd love read the rest of this novel.