My husband is an alcoholic. How long should I give him a chance before I call it the quits.?

I have been married for almost 3 years now .


Though I realised about his alcoholism only 2 years back, he has admitted that he has been a regular drinker even before we got married.


He has never abused me but this whole thing has really taken a toll on our relationship. He says he loves me a lot and cannot live without me. But on the other hand he hardly puts in any effort to get his life back to normal.


I care for him and would like him to regain his health and life but at the same time I can see that I am grdually loosing the streangth to put up the fight.


It is only recently that I forcibly got him admitted to a hospital for de-toxification but even after repeated councelling he continues with his drinking. Now I am planning to get him join a 4 month rehab program but I was told the chances of relapse even after that are 40%.


I am completly lost on what I should be doing...should I continue fighting for him or think of a life for my own. Would that be too selfish?My husband is an alcoholic. How long should I give him a chance before I call it the quits.?
Why do woman love men that abuse them?


This is mental abuse on you.


Give him the choice: The bottle or you.


No second chances.My husband is an alcoholic. How long should I give him a chance before I call it the quits.?
Get a new life. He's made no effort and you are doing all the fighting for him.





Just one question. Does he think he has an alcohol problem? Or is it just you who thinks that?
honestly, its completley up to him.. You showed him how much you care, youve been supportive and strong... youve tried to help him, ut he is the only one, in the end, that can make the change.. chances are he wont change..


i say its time to think about yourself.. my mom tried for years with my dad..tried and tried and was strong and supportive for almost 20 years... then my dad died..he had no insurance and she's been broke ever since... now my mom is on her own and i have no dad...


if you leave youll be hurt and lonley..if you stay youll hurt and feel lonley.... he has made the decision to drink and it a very selfish decision.. you have to make the decsion for yourself now... whats best for you? you can still be supportive and live on your own..you can still love him..but believe me you dont want to come home one day and find him dead on the floor.... he has to fight for himself..he is a man and he knows what he is doing to himself and your marraige..
I think you should have called it quits yesterday. If you being there helped him, he wouldnt still be sick. Leave. Return when he is well. good-luck.
You should give him as long as it takes!


Til death do you part, remember?


Now that doesn't mean that you can't be a little tougher with him and deal with his alcoholism a little more strategically.


The harsh truth is, he will never quit until he wants to quit, no matter what you do.


However, there are things that you can do to make him WANT to quit earlier than he would if you were to just let things run their course naturally!


There are several strategies that you can use and different things work on some people better than others.


It is much too involved to go into here, but when you are ready, send an email to helpnownotlater@gmail.com and I can guarantee you that it will be well worth your time.


The question can be asked of you, what do you want more?


Do you want a divorce or do you want him to stop drinking?


Whichever you want more, how badly do you really want it?


Taking a passive approach or developing a victim mentality will never improve your quality of life one bit!


You must be proactive, consistent, and strategic to outsmart an addict and their addiction, but it is a lot easier than you would think when you realize that you can do something about it other than just accept things as they are!


Good luck and act now to get your life back as well as his!
he is the one being selfish... think of all the money being spent on that stuff! =(... anyway, I know someone who stayed w/ her husband... he died of liver disease =(... she drank too so she never gave an ultimatum...I know someone else who divorced her husband, she is now happy again...the ultimatums didn't work he still drinks... and I know someone else who gave her husband an ultimatum, the booze, or her and their 2 sons... he chose her and the 2 boys that instant and he dumped out all the booze in the house! he did not buy an ounce of beer after that... and he is still sober =) this is 20 years later...=) if this rehab probram don't work, my guess is you need to separate and see if that wakes your husband up, after you try an ultimatum first... good luck! =) oh, I want to add... you could always hide all the money and credit cards =) I know someone else who has a wife who drinks all the time... and he lets her, I think he should hide all the money and credit cards... she has gotten a DUI as well, sigh... and they have a son who is 6 or so now =(...
life is only once- think yourself decide
I have been where you are (husband now deceased). I did every thing i could to get him help. For this to work he has to want to quit. He has to fight real hard to stay sober and this fight will be for the rest of his life. My husband was not abusive but his drinking affect my self and our daughter. It broke my heart to see his health deteriorate and he tried real hard but could not leave the liquor alone.


The decision is yours. It's not being selfish. He is responsible for himself , he is a grown man. Give him a choice alcohol are you. He is holding you hostage and you deserve happiness . It will only get worst unless he takes control of his life......
I think u can call it a quit. what yr age now ? do u have any kids with u ? Are u self supporting or working ?


Best rgds.
If a treatment center told you they have a 60% success rate, they have most likely cooked their statistics. 12-step based treatment typically has a success rate of a bout 5%. Save your money.


The real bad news is that he isn't going to quit without wanting to. De-tox, treatment, AA, your concerns, etc., aren't going to make him do so. Do what you need to do to take care of you. Good luck.
Ever heard of Al anon...it is in the phone book...call and then go to a meeting...there you will hear the how to's...and it is free...


I sponsored Ala teen for years and it is a good program of recovery for people affected by another persons drinking...please give them a call
Do you think he's worth it?


That's the real question. If you continue to live with him he may continue to be the way he is and if you find that intolarable then you may cut your losses and leave.


Three years is not a long time and you still have enough time to get on with your life and make something of it without this kind of burden.


Personnally, I believe you should leave. Your husband believes he has reasons for destroying his life and the reasons won't go away even if he stops drinking.


Thanks
you are doing everything you can, he doesnt seem to care if he stops or not. after the rehab if he doesnt put in a effort to quit then he wont. its all in what he wants. he knows how its effecting you and he has to be the one who wants to quit or it wont work. its what he really wants in the long run,you or the alcohol.
YOU cannot fight this battle for your husband. He is the only one who can do it. And only if and when HE decides to. Unfortunately that may never happen. For the sake of your sanity and your life, give him an ultimatum NOW. Either he quits drinking and goes into a 12 Step recovery programme, or your marriage is over. I wish I could tell you that he will chose YOU and his marriage, but there is no guarantee with an alcoholic that his first love won't win - i.e., alcohol.





Forcing your husband into recovery won't work in the long term........he will simply go through the motions of recovery and relapse at the first opportunity. He has to find HIS rock bottom before he recovers..but HIS rock bottom may be well below your rock bottom, so don't wait around hoping he finds it any time soon.
no leaving him is not selfish. the most important thing is if he wants to quit the alcohol or not. if he is not strong enough or doesnt want it badly enough. you will be headed for very difficult times ahead.
Well if you care for him tell him whats on your mind get other family members involved and get the man some help.
No, it wouldn`t be too selfish.





However, if you do get him to the rehab program - give him a deadline - finish the rehab, stay off drinks for X time (you decide). If you don`t - you do not love me - and i`ll leave (or you will have to leave - depending on who owns the house)
I greatly sympathise with you.


I am also an alcoholic, and refuse to see anyone about it as I am convinced I can change things when I am in a better position to do so.


It is however a mind changing illness, and many do not manage to quit until it is too late.


I have upset my partner on many occasions, purely because she has come home to find me drunk, and she has threatened to leave me. I do have relapses despite the threat, but she knows of the psychological reasons behind it.


However, without her support, I would have commited suicide.





You shouldn't consider yourself to be selfish for considering a life of your own, for you have obviously tried helping as much as you can, but realise that it is he who is selfish.


But also ill.


In answer to your question - how long is a ball of string?


May I wish you both every success in beating the demon.
What you really need to do is talk to him about it and tell him that you will not continue on like this. If he doesn't believe you, tell him he has so long to decide if it is you or the alcohol and if it is not you then you go. Maybe a little vacation away from you will make him change his mind about what he really wants. Best of luck to you hun.
No that would not be selfish to live a life for yourself.You can't cure him.He has to want to stop himself,and you can't make him quit.If the love was strong then he would try and get help on his own.I do realise that this is a sickness,but a sickness that could be cured with his effort of wanting to be cured.He has to want to.
a little intervention is always good...But if he's not going to help himself.. Just remember this is an addiction..and if nothing happends maybe the only recourse is for you to seek a new life on your own.
If you can get him to join that 4 month rehab, then I would wait that out. If he is doing better after, then stay, since that seems to be what you want to do. BUT, if he doesn't go to it or doesn't stay sober, then it is time to get out and leave. I was told by a professional that an alcoholic is similar to a drug addict and that their perception is clouded by the alcohol. They are not rational or logical, because they are on a drug. So, logic and reasoning do not work. You cannot have a decent life with someone who is not logically or reasonable. You must think of yourself, if your efforts have failed.
they always relapse the first or second time but if you love him you will stand by him because its hard and a long battle to stop drinking ! and he has to wont it to wont to quit in order to stop and be successful about it i know its tiring dealing with it but it will be worth it once you get him off of it ! it takes alot of patients and support for him good luck
You cannot help someone that refuses to admit they need help. As you found out, intervention programs do not work. Quit wasting time on trying to change him. Concentrate on making a better life for yourself.