I am a 20 year old female, I live at home and go to college. My Dad is obese, depressed, and an alcoholic. When I was in 2nd grade he quit his job to and stayed at home to take care of me because my mom worked 12 or 24 hour shifts. At present my mom works only 24 hour shifts. My Dad used to be fit he would run everyday. During my elementary school years the house was clean and we had dinner on the table most nights. My Dad would cook. When I got to middle school I started noticing some stuff that I wouldn't have noticed when I was younger. He wasn't cooking as much, and the house was getting messier. He has been drinking since he was in his 20's but I only started noticing in 6th grade. He started getting angry when he drank. One night when I asked him to tuck me in. I had cleaned my room that day and there was a stack of books and a stack of magazines in the floor. He yelled at me and told me to clean my room. He said it in a mean way, not in the way a parent would tell their child to clean their room or they can't watch TV. This really scared me. I told my mom the next day, she told me that dad did not remember saying that later that day. I remember different times when he would be very angry and I would be terrified. One night my mom was in bed and my dad was watching TV. I was reading in my room and saw that my dad had turned off the lights in the living room and he was walking down the hallway. I said goodnight when he walked by my door and I can't remember exactly what he said but he was depressed and said something negative. I heard him opening up his closet in the other room where he keeps an old rifle. He was being very loud in the other room digging for it. That woke up my mom and I remember her saying in a frightened voice ';What are you doing?!'; My Dad said he wanted everything to be over. This really scared me, I was in 6th grade. He started shouting about how he was miserable and couldn't lose weight and other things. He never tried losing weight. I know it's hard to but he never tried for more than a month. He would not exercise and stop drinking because he would drink a lot. Then around every 2-3 months he would get really depressed and drink a lot and just talk to himself about how he wanted to die. When he did this I stayed up late listening making sure he would be ok. I think that's why my grades dropped some in 9th grade because I worried a lot about dad. He made a big deal about TV. When I would ask him if he would turn it down some because I was going to bed, or if I could watch something he would get mad. one night mom was working and I was watching a movie at around 10. My dad was in bed talking to himself about how he hated his life and wanted to die and how nothing worked for him. I was so scared then. I have all of these memories of him being angry. Recently he has been having problems with his sister and mom. At present he weighs around 330. He had to go to the hospital two years ago for a pulminary embolism and he weighed over 350. During my high school years he would wake up take me to school, come home and go back to bed. He would pick me up and go back to bed and get up around 5. Then he would stay up watching TV until 3AM. This was his daily routine. All through this my mom works 24 shifts, when she came home after a shift she would go to bed. I have a very cloce relationship with my mom. I can talk to her about everything. I think my dad's problems have rubbed off onto me. For one I will never drink, do drugs, or smoke because I am afraid that I will turn out like him. At present I am so mad at him. I barely speak to him. My mom has told me that he has noticed and he thinks that I don't like him anymore. I'm just so mad. When I was a kid I respected him when he was sober. I could talk to him and play. Up until I was around 19 I started getting mad at him. Sometimes feelings of hate. Mom and I have tried talking to him about giving up alcohol. His doctor has told him he needs to quit too. We feel that helping him quit is out of our hands now. We have talked to him so many times. He sometimes quits for maybe 2 months. When he starts back it gets really bad with the depression and his anger. I really need some help! I'm so mad. I hate it when he makes farting jokes or belches constantly! I hate it when he's drunk. I have so much anger bottled up.I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I'm so angry what should I do?
Unfortunately, there are no programs for attracting or treating men with depression. I know, I've been there, with a close suicide in 1996.
When a man enters a depression counseling, they are put into programs designed for women. The reason for this is that our government provides just $1 for the study and treatment of men for every $700 for women. There are over 300 fully federally funded commissions on women's health, yet not even one on men, yet men commit suicide several times more often than women. The idea is that women deserve more than men because they ATTEMPT suicide more often than men. I guess because men are better at it, they don't deserve help.
I wonder if women's groups have ever complained that men are committing suicide more often and that women deserve equity.
Of interest, male and female children under the age of puberty were equal in their rates of suicide, but in the last ten years, the rates for adolescent males committing suicide has sky rocketed.
If you want to get angry, get angry at our government that has refused to develop programs to attract and treat men like your father.
http://www.menshealthnetwork.org/
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/men鈥?/a>I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I'm so angry what should I do?
My grandmother was the same way. It is good to let him know just how you feel. don't go at him yelling and screaming. if you don't want to have a confritation with him then write him a note. I used the problems of my family as a how not to act, and structured my life in a way that I don't let alot get to me. If I was you I would write him a long letter, and tell him just how much his behavoir has hurt me deeply. I would tell him I'm sorry for all he is hurting and going thru. Remember only you can make changes in your life. If you don't like it at home. then figure out a way to live on campus, and make a life for yourself. He is NEVER going to change unless he wants to change, and right now he doesn't have any reason to change. You need to make yourself happy. I would work on getting out on my own, and straighing up my life first. sitting back, and bottleling up your anger is hurting you. let it out in a verbal way. if you write the letter, and be honest with him I bet you will feel alot better. Don't be hurtfull, or condisending. just let him know that you would like a change for him.
First off stay straightedge.
Your body is more capable of the addiction.
Second, I would go and see a therapist, talk to someone, get out your emotions.
Also maybe work out, or get a punching bag, release your stress.
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