How does a person cope with knowing that your 63 y/o mother is going to die because she is an alcoholic?

We have done most everything that we could do to 'fix' her - but we all know that doesn't work.





How do you finally accept the fact that it isn't going to change and then watch it happen?





I have been watching my mother deteriorate over the past 20 years. The only things that have changed is her getting older and having health problems. She is an alcoholic. She basically has nothing and is living with 'friends' these days. No work - it isn't going to happen.





How do you let it go and stop trying to help something that you can't do a thing about?How does a person cope with knowing that your 63 y/o mother is going to die because she is an alcoholic?
The same way you cope when you watch your 80-year old mother slowly sliding into Alzheimer's: you cherish whatever time you have left with her.





Perhaps you can wean her off of it, but you are rather helpless in the face of it. Maybe while you are visiting, you can slow it down and work that way, that she doesn;t drink while you are there.





I cherish my memories of her, when she was still fit and mentally agile and less infirm and do what I canHow does a person cope with knowing that your 63 y/o mother is going to die because she is an alcoholic?
Hope and pray that you will learn from her mistakes and not walk down that same path of self destruction. I feel for your pain of trying to cope and accept her condition. And that's exactly what alcoholism is. A disease...a condition.





So many people place such an emphasis on life. But I feel if one truly does not want to live anymore, and is doing all they can to try and terminate their life at an earlier time than God has intended for them, there's just not a whole lot you can do. Self destructive people often bring all their loved ones around them down to their grave along with them by their selfish attitude.





Loving your mother is just not enough for her because she does not love nor respect herself and the gift of life.





Just try and keep her comfortable by visiting her now and then. Try to accept her for who she is and has become by her own choosing. Pray for her, and hope that when God calls for her life, she will not be in pain.





Just remember that it is not your fault, and never blame yourself. You tried to do your best. You love her, and somewhere down deep inside, she does know that.


I wish you the best.
I can't even imagine how bad that must be but you said it yourself by recognizing you have tried everything and now it is something you can do nothing about. i would think your going to al anon for family members of alcoholics might be a helpful thing for you. it sounds to me like you are having to let go of a parent making mistakes just like parents have to let go of grown children making mistakes and i can assure you it is not easy. unfortunately, i think it will always be a struggle for you but from what i understand al anon for families can be of some benefit to you so your life doesn't go down the drain with your mom's. whether alcoholism is a disease or an emotional crutch or whatever it is, i don't really know. i think it can be many things. but regardless i can assure you she would have not knowingly chosen that route for herself or for her family. but now it seems since you have tried to help with no results, it just is what it is. being that, you should get help for yourself. i wish you the best of luck and i pray for you to accept what you cannot change.
how bout you put her in an old folks home


since she is a senior....and well, they can help her out alot.
I dont think that you will stop helping. after all she is your mother. My mother has been an alcoholic longer than I care to remember and since my father died it has just gotten worse she is to the point where she may be losing her job and is concerned but other the other side of the coin she does not care cause she drinks.





you dont have to enable her, you dont have to support her habit, just love her.
She has to want to fix herself...I was dealing with the same thing with a roomate...No Longer roomies...I still get calls, he says he's quit I know better...then I get the call from the liquor store...hey this is your drinking buddy....amazing what a true alcholic perceives...They are in their own world, there is only so much you can do...another friend I also tryed to help...passed away last year...he was 3 years younger than me...His mom sayed he looked 85...checked out in a serious manner hooked up to tubes and what not...I couldn't go see him. tho when I heard of his condition,I had wanted to take my other friend to see him to possibly save him from the same choices as the one that passed...we can only do and take so much...in the end it is between them and God...It's hard to see them through it unless they want it...we can't fix everything...Sorry...Hope you figure out what's best for your mom...Good Luck...
Well, you are starting to do that by acknowledging the fact that she is killing herself by her drinking. It hurts a whole lot. Eventually, you may stop trying to help er since you know it doesn't work. It is a process that you go through coming to terms with what is going on.
you can't and its so much harder to let go because she's your mother. she has to submit power over the alcohol in order to give it up.





go to a local Al-Anon meeting. its a support group for families and friends of alcoholics. good luck.
You need to see a therapist. I have known many people who have nearly died because of this disease and you can't ';fix'; them. They don't realize that they have a problem. Have you sat down and talked to her, have you suggested inpatient treatment? I really do understand what your going through, I think that your on the right track by realizing that you can't ';fix'; her. She just doesn't think that she has a problem, and if she does then she doesn't know what to do to get better. Take care of yourself and tell her you love her but don't enable her to do this to you or herself. Tell her what is going to happen, all the horrible details, tell her that you can't watch her do this to herself and that you have to let her go untill she can get help. Maybe you could find a rehab that she could go to, do all the research and let her know that either it't now or never.
My thoughts are with you.





Keep her safe from herself as much as possible. Like not driving or causing others harm while she's drunk.





Be calm and at peace with yourself knowing she raised a good child. Know you will grow up wanting something better for yourself and others you will come in contact with. Maybe you have learned something to help people in your future that might have similar problems.





Sad to say it sometimes is hereditary, so be ready and focused on watching yourself.





Good luck to you and your family.
There is no easy answer for this. It is a difficult situation, however there is not much you can do about it if she doesn't want to help herself. And it doesn't seem this will change as you mention 20 yrs. of abuse. I believe she will either end up in a home or die from this disease. I am very sorry about this, as I know how difficult this must be on you. I have relatives that are addicts and they don't wish to help themselves at the moment and there is nothing any of us can do about it.
Its hard, but just pray for her, and spend as much time as you can with her, lover her, and with the will and faith of God, she might sober up. Pray for her thats the best thing to do.
usually people that drink excessively including my self stems from something that happened Manny years ago and alcohol numbs the thoughts and you forget for a short while there is nothing you can do unless the person wont's to stop and unless she wont's to just let here and try to comfort hearer as she is not happy with the situation believe me
Pray God will forgive all her sins and that God will give you the strenght and knowledge to help her and you through this difficult time.
letting go is something i still have to work on, and it happens in all areas of our life. you just have to surrender to a higher power and know that you have done all you could do. there are self help groups like alinon, church. you can't fix your mom and that is a sad thing, but you can't destroy yourself because that would be sadder.there are all kinds of addictions in this world and it is very hard to watch a loved one be consumed in it but at some point and time, when we feel we are living the lifestyle that they impose, we step back and start to recover ourselves. goodluck
well my friend i had a simular problem.....my mother died of alcoholism, it was actually serosis of the liver. but she died at the young age of 42... I was only 18 at the time so i didnt really know that her alcoholism was going to kill her so soon. She knew though!!!! And there was nothing we could have done for her!! We too tried everything, from recovery homes to begging her not to drink anymore but her disease had hold of her and took her life......My best advice is to not give up, keep trying because in the end you want to know that you did all you could to help her.....best wishes to you.... oh one more thing, try praying for her, God can help her!!!
Not much you can do at this point. I would call her once a week or so just to let her know you care. She most likely will not stop drinking unless something terrible shocks her into reality. My brother-in-law is a recovered alcoholic and he stopped drinking when he fell in love. So, Im sorry to say, but it is all up to her. You can feel Ok with yourself because you know you tried everything you could. So sorry.
The same way you watch your 43 yr. old mother kill herself. At this point, she doesnt REALLY want help so there is nothing you can do. It's so terrible and HARD....but you just have to live your own life. Let her know you love HER, but not the way she lives. Just STOP trying...that's all you can do without making things even worse for her. If she calls you crying...I know it sounds mean, but let her cry and don't help her anymore. She has gotten herself there, not you. Don't let her ruin anything in YOUR life just because SHE has been drinking hers away.
Well I had a close friend that did this same thing...and I would keep pleading with her that ';this day is the first day of the rest of your life';, but she just couldn't face life, and things in her past that she regretted...and yes, she died much younger than she would have.





You have to accept that none of this is your fault...and you can't fix it. You have to love her for herself....not her addiction....it is unconditional love...in spite of her addiction.





You have to not help her do it....just try to love her as much as you can anyway....but understand she is in control of her life...and has chosen this route. It is very sad.





And as a Christian, I would try to help her find Jesus....before it is too late. and then just keep praying for her.





And last of all....decide your life isn't going to go this route!


You have control of your own life as well.
I worked at a Alcohol %26amp; drug treatment center for 4 years, in crisis. There comes a time when you have to accept that you can not change the person, and move on with your life. She needs to hit her rock bottom, she needs a reason to quit and if people are helping her with money or place tol ive she will never hit her bottom. It will always hurt but you have to accept that you hve done all you could, and decide if you want to go down with her. Do you want this to ruin your life as well? At what point are you going to draw the line/ how much are you willing to take? There is no easy way to let go, but for your own well being you have to. It truly is something she has to want for herself.