Can you please give me feedback on this essay? I also need to find a way to start my conclusion!?

Hello, I am writing an essay to be accepted on a summer program that is academically accommodating. I need your positive and negative reinforcement on anything that I should change in my essay. The prompt is, ';Select a person and explain how she/he has influenced you life and values.'; I feel I repeated many things and that is one of the things I need help on. The last thing I need help on is a way to start my conclusion. And if you are worried on me ';cheating'; all I really need is your advice before my final submission. Please keep in mind that I am only 14 years old, so don't be too critical on this. Thank you very much in advance!!!!! :D





';There have been numerous positive influences in my life that have affected me in different ways. One being my siblings who are much older than me and are knowledgeable on many aspects of life. They have shown me how to get through tough crises, how to tackle problems and solving them on my own. My 2nd eldest sister has taken me in since I was a little boy. She has supported me throughout my education and has provided me with a place to live. Although my entire family has been there for me in my time of need, the most supportive of them has been my father who has taught me how to live life to the fullest, how to proceed in the most difficult of times and to persevere in anything I want to achieve.





My father had the most ambitious life of anyone I know. He started out never knowing his biological father and living with an alcoholic step-father. He lived and worked on a ranch that his family owned for most of his early life which produced very little money. His family was burdened with poverty most of his life and were not capable of enjoying many of the luxuries people had in that time. His young life gave him the experience he needed to grow and be the wise man that he is now.





My father has taught me most of what I know about growing up in tough situations. He has taught me most of the values I hold dear and has influenced my life in the most positive ways. My motivation for continuing to do well in school and not giving up on my ambitions has always been and always will be my father. He has been the catalyst for my determination in my school work and for what I want to eventually be in life. My father has always encouraged me to never fall back, to always move forward and to give it everything I have. He has taught me to never let go of anything that I aspire, to never liberate my morals and to succeed not matter what happens.';








[[[CONCLUSION]]]Can you please give me feedback on this essay? I also need to find a way to start my conclusion!?
I think it's a really inspiring essay.





Your conclusion could mention 1. how grateful and fortunate you consider yourself to be 2. how you hope that you can use what you have learned to support others and 3.how the experience has taught you the importance of humility in accepting support and advice so you look forward to finding new role models in the next stage of your life to help you to develop further.Can you please give me feedback on this essay? I also need to find a way to start my conclusion!?
In conclusion, I would be a perfect candidate because of #1 paragraph, #2 paragraph and #3 paragraph.





Sorry cbf reading it.