What to do about a relationship issue between parents?

In an attempt to be brief, I'll skip a bit of the back history between my parents and just list off some points that I can see as being related to a current problem.





- Parents are both in 60s


- 4 kids, all adults now (all in 30s). 1 lives about 45 min away, rest out of state.


- Deteriorated relationship between parents for last 25 years or so


- Still living at same residence, mother has become progressively more bitter toward father


- Kids see little to no reason for her bitterness


- Recently, father has had several medical issues.


- Father had heart problems where doctor said for him to go to the hospital. Not ambulance serious, but enough that he should get driven to it and checked. Mother ignored the info and left father to sit on first floor for 30 minutes while she went upstairs to do something (don't know what). Mother returned to first floor and asked father ';were you waiting for me to take you?';. Father eventually called brother (closest relative at 30 min trip away).


- Latest incident, father fell into an 8 foot ditch while helping a friend with some sewer line. Father was sore but dismissed medical care. Drove home, but realized he couldn't move out of car due to pain. Mother didn't check on him. He slept in the car and only in the morning, did she knock on the car window. He was unable to move at all due to pain, she went back inside and did nothing. Closest son (about 45 min away) got call from father and called off work to go try to get father to hospital. Mother was upset that son took off work to help father. Son couldn't get father and ambulance had to come to remove via board. Father determined to have fractured ribs %26amp; pelvis. Surgery scheduled and fractured vertebrae found as well. Mother does not call or inquire about hospital or surgery. * Surgery was this Monday (4/19) *





Additional info on mother:


- Mother and her mother both ';horders';.


- Her mother suffered from Alzheimers


- Her father was an alcoholic and her parents relationship was not ideal (don't know much more than that about it)


- Two brothers (one died as a teen)


- Youngest of siblings


- School bus driver





Additional info on father:


- Parents seemed to get along


- Heart issues within the family


- 6 siblings, he was middle


- Plumber





My siblings and I all think my mother needs some sort of psychiatric therapy at a minimum. Not sure if maybe her increasing bitterness is related to Alzheimer (since we did see an increase from my grandmother as well, just nothing on this scale). While my parents have not sought to go through divorce, should we push for it now to remove my mothers rights to decisions in my fathers health? Are there any legal obligations to assist a person in need (this would be for Pennsylvania if it matters by state)?





Basically we're all confused on how to help my father, especially since he hasn't done anything to help himself.What to do about a relationship issue between parents?
Sounds eerily familiar.





You don't need to invoke Alzheimer's to explain the Mom's problems. Unfortunately, many women don't mention when you do something that hurts them, but they do remember, and grow resentful. Also, if her Mom was perpetually a victim of her father, she may see herself (and all women) as victims. I think there is a little of that going on with your Mom. Plus, old age hurts, and some feel the need to try to blame pain on someone, as if it is someones fault.





There's not much you can really do. Yes, getting your Mom some treatment for depression would be a great idea. Get your father one of those emergency medical alert buttons for his birthday. Try to get a Health Care Proxy authorizing the physically nearest brother to communicate with doctors and make medical decisions if your father is incapacitated.





Ideally, you should get a Health Care Proxy or Medical Power of Attorney from a lawyer. Your doctors offiice or HMO may have a standard health care proxy form they give out. (A health care proxy is narrower then a Power of Attorney) Alternatively, you can download them from the internet. If you do that, make sure you get one for your state, and carefully read the instructions on the number of witnesses who need to see your father sign it, etc.


People at the hospital often ask about Health Care Proxies for older patients. HMOs like you to have one.What to do about a relationship issue between parents?
I live in PA too and the best advise I can give you to protect your father is to contact an attorney ASAP!