Do NOT marry an alcoholic. Especially one who is making no effort whatsoever to seek the help he so desperately needs.My fiance is an alcoholic...should I marry him?
The heck they don't realize it! They do, which makes them feel worse and drink. 1 yr sobriety, minimum.
A complicated, terrible cycle , you are never sure, even when they have been sober for yrs, yet my family members married alcoholics, some of them stopped. When they stop blaming everyone .
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I deal with a drinking spouse everynight. Eventually the alcohol takes your spot for their comfort and they faze you out altogether. I would say to NOT get married because you will be in for many more problems then just the alcohol. It causes much grief and the drinker doesn't realize it and continues to drink anyway. Good luck.
say goodbye to him, aloholic is dreadful diease. it causes nothing but hardship and trouble in more ways than one ,,,
Since he won't change this destructive behaviour, absolutely not.
If you'll wait, then only do so when he's a few years clean and sober.
There is no such thing as 'learning to live with his habit' - it will destroy and control your life. Why are you even dating him? Why in the world would have you said yes to a proposal??? You need some counselling, as well....
Honey, I'm sorry, but say goodbye to him. I know you won't believe me, but you'll find another man.
if you love him then go for it! it's not that hard to convince him to quit that habit
that way u help him from there deadly diseases and got him 4 u. : )
Don't be foolish, run, run as fast as you can, away from this person. He has a serious mental problem and drinks to avoid issues in his life.
He's not going to get any better in fact, probably worse and now, you think your going to go right in there and cure him? your wrong, he'll start blaming you for all his new troubles.
If he doesn't want to get help now, he never will, get out of that situation now.
Neither, tell him that you cant marry him while he finds excuses to drink. Him saying he cant quit is just a cop out. Just take the alcohol away from him, bit by bit.
I knowingly married an alchoholic. Don't do it. You will end up with a broken heart, and if you have children, they will be damaged by his alcoholism. Go to Al-anon before you make up your mind. I started going after he left me an wish I had years ago!
Do not marry this man .....they say counsling helps but it doesn't he has to do it on his own and if he is telling you that he can't quit then he won't quit counsling might help some but some it doesn't it just makes them worse...they will controll your whole life....you will be living in nightmares all the time..you can't plan for anything do to his drinking you will be ashame to go out with him because he will embarrase you in public he might seem nice now but it won't last...good luck in what ever you decide but I would say dump him now
Listen there are a lot of things that can drive someone to the bottle. Alcohol of course is not the answer and you and I both know this. You have to get your fiance to see that it is wrong. I mean maybe he has a reason for drowning his sorrows in alcohol. He might have some demons that he does not quite want to face. I would say no to the whole marriage thing right. I mean just until he seeks out some kind of help. Not only are you putting yourself in danger by being involved with a man that drinks. But he himself is basically slowing killing himself. The things that liquor can do to your liver and other major organs are quite alarming. Just sit him down and tell him how you feel. Also once you accomplish that then tell him that it's either you or the liquor? And just explain to him that you can not just sit back and watch him through his life away with every single swallow he takes. Just be prepared for the excuses. However if you do decide to marry him you will have to worry about him and any children you produce in the future also. Children implement what they see. So that is something else to consider. Get him in to a rehab or an AA group soon. If he is truly committed to stopping his addiction to alcohol he will stop. I did.
he has a problem ,does it affect you?/ IE violence or abuse,, it wont go away so you are going to have to deal with it..hard choice
As a sober alcoholic with almost 9 years of sobriety, my advice is to run for your life. Your guy has told you that he's an alcoholic and has no intention of getting sober. Over time, untreated alcoholism only gets worse, never better, and you are in for a life of heartache. I do not care if he is the man of your dreams, your life will be a nightmare if you marry him. Do not listen to the people who tell you that your love and support will get him sober--trust me, you're a human being, and you simply don't have the power to get anyone sober.
hell no, you only going to find yourself hurt in the end. what happens if the money gets low and you can't get his drink and it turns violent or bills don't get paid. Some people don't know that the one they love are alcoholics and never had a chance but you know so it's best that you get out of that relationship fast
Despite what everyone else is suggesting, which seems to be that if you love him, you should stay with him and help him, I don't think love has anything to do with this at all. It seems that he has no desire to change and probably won't even if you threaten to leave him. And while you are married to him, how many arguments and problems will you have that will stem from his drinking? He drinks only at night...but it won't stay that way forever. What if you had kids? Do you really want to risk your entire life and the lives of your children if he doesnt change? He drinks himself into a stupor because he doesnt have control. Think about it. Do you want to spend everyday as a wife being worried? Don't accept him and take him as he is simply because he is givng you an ultimatum.
my mom married my dad and thought the same thing. he drank at night and paid the bill during the day. but then he got to drinking during the day and not going to work and fighting and throwing things and then the cops were called and then he went to jail and then it happened all over again, then he got hooked to worse things and things went to complete hell and now my parents are divoriced and my dads in jail and has six felonies and no its not a good idea. if you have kids. they go through complete hell. i cant look at one positive thing from the time i was born till i turned 15. im 19 and i am tarnished by it. every aspect of my life is somehow affected.
I've been where you are now and I married the guy anyway. We were fine for awhile, but his drinking became worse and he became very unpredictable. He was a completely different person when he was drinking. I hadn't realized how boring it is when everybody around you is drunk. What he really needed was someone who could match him drink for drink and build a life around the bars in the area and didn't need a home life. Unfortunately I brought children into this marriage and when the children were old enough to realize their dad had a problem I needed to figure out how to explain it to them. I had to let them know it was a problem and it was NOT okay. In order to have a somewhat normal life for me and my children, we were divorced when they were young. He straightened up his act a little and married his drinking partner. He never completely got on the wagon so I can't imagine what his liver looks like! After the divorce the children were happier. Their dad had specific times he could see them and he had to be sober or he couldn't see them. He did see them frequently and could control his drinking when he wanted to. Everybody is grown up now (except my ex-husband). I never put down their dad and let them make their own decisions. (I just asked them not to judge him too harshly because that was just his way.) He still loved the children but was unable to be a proper father to them because of his drinking. Frankly, I don't miss cleaning up after him. My advice is ';Don't Do It';. You will always come second to the drinking.
Well then,try this.
one day,when the two of you are alone in the house,and when he is in a good mood.you suddendly burst into tears,or sob loudly in the corner of the room.then confess to him that you are worried.then cry cry cry.
He will then(hopefully) show his sympathy by quitting.
I suggest waiting and try to get him to cut back before taking a large step
Get him to commit to a programme like the AA has, don't even consider it. Alcohol leads to abuse in way too many cases. Even his.
No!!! They only get worse. I know, my ex-wife is one, and in 4 years it only got worse.
absolutely do not marry him. you are asking for a life time of misery.
he may be perfect in every other way but this addiction is the deal breaker.
please run as fast as you can from this relationship.
i think you should go ahead and marry him.
if u really love him,stay with him n be there for him n most importantly help him with his problem.
If you love him like you say you do, demand counseling or you're walking. Hopefully it won't come to that, cause it sounds like he's got some really good qualities. But, his problem is robbing both him and you. Its robbing your finances by having to support his habit, and then, at night, if he drinks until he's passed out, that is robbing you of those special late night times you guys should be having. If you say the ';i do's';, its your fault then.... you know his problem. If/when he realizes HIS problem and fixes it, then, ok, run down that aisle gal....but until then, heck NO.
are you kidding? picture yourself in 10 years having to deal with this problem.it would be a situation you brought onto yourself.dont marry this guy until he gets his life in order.
How much do you care to be with this individual? A point that would be good to bring up is there are four areas of marriage.
First area is the things that you know that you know.
Second area is the things that you know that you DO NOT know.
Third area is the things you DO NOT know that you know.
Fourth area is the things that you DO NOT know that you DO NOT know.
With all that said and from personal experience, you marring an individual should be a thing that you know that you know. Right now, it seams this problem is in the you know that you DO NOT know.
Furthermore, if you go ahead and actually do marry this individual against what a majority of the multitude of counsel has suggested, then it would be suggested to protect yourself from any pain this situation might bring. Further, another choice you have is to attempt to motive him to change from being a alcoholic to a non-alcoholic. Good luck with that one though.
I think you're forgetting the 3rd option, which is to help him get help. He CAN do this - and it will be MUCH easier if you're there to help him. Just don't be an enabler by pretending it isn't a problem, and at the same time don't make him feel weak or selfish when he relapses. Alcoholism is a very complex disease - if you really love him, I suggest AA for him and Al-Anon for you.
I would suggest getting him to go to counselling. There could be a much deeper emotional issue to his drinking. I would not marry him at the moment, until he has sorted it out. Things will get worse and worse the more he continues to drink
No, You should not jump into it.
Alcoholics is a form of addiction.He need to go for counsellings and treatment. If he so really love you and want to be with you as soul mate, seriously ask him to consider go for treatments.
Saying '; he doesn't think he can quit'; is just an accuse from reality.
To love and cherished someone whom you really love, is the Power of love and I believe and had faith he can overcome it and if he really love you.So do please considered your option carefully.
to be frank ,i will tell u to quit.
even if he is good in other ways it will become worse.
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