How many people here find it ok to stay married to an alcoholic?

For those of you who are in the only belief that you should put yourself aside, while watching someone destroy their life because their love for alcohol is far greater than any love they can give their spouse. Alcoholism is a disease, yes... but like any disease, you must seek treatment for it in order for it to get better. How can you watch someone you love and stand by while they just destroy your life and their life because they refuse treatment?





I understand vows... through sickness and health... but those vows also mean that you seek treatment and how to work to make things better when in sickness... it does not mean you stand by and watch them destroy yoru marriage, your trust, your life. If they are not seeking to get help, to make things better and only continuing to deny their addiction and love the bottle more than their marriage then why stay?





Honestly... its shocking to me for someone to stick up so much for an alcoholic, yet... they fail to see the misery, the blame, the accusations, the abandonment, the mistrust... all of this, they put on their spouse in exchange for the alcohol. So why should only one person in the marriage ((the non-alcoholic spouse) be secured to their vows yet the spouse with the alcohol problem has no responsiblity to the vows they made? Why is it the spouse bearing the brunt of the alcoholism is made to be the bad guy here, do any of you know the pain and the stress it takes to live day to day with an alcoholic?How many people here find it ok to stay married to an alcoholic?
You need to either get him into a treatment center, or get yourself out of there before you get hurt.How many people here find it ok to stay married to an alcoholic?
I consider myself an alcoholic, but it doesn't affect the way I treat my husband. I don't get hangovers, I don't miss work, I don't become a different person or get violent...





As with any other blanket judgement, there are going to be many exceptions to the ';rules';. You live your life as you see fit, and let others live their own.
Didn't you get strangled yesterday?





When an alcoholic chooses to drink, they (usually) become abusive. An abused partner is no longer bound by marraige vows, in any faith I've heard of. Even Catholics are encouraged to leave in cases of abuse.





There is no reason or excuse to stay with someone who abuses you.





You were on my mind last night. Please get away from that man before he kills you.





EDIT: But, Bedford, what did you deprive her of when she was too weak to leave you? What sort of life did your son have then, and what emotional price does he pay now as the Adult Child of an Alcoholic? It's wonderful for you that she stayed and took care of you when you were choosing to drink, but I'm sure that it was horrible for her and your son.
Exactly.





In my opinion, if someone is truly an alcoholic, then they have broken the marriage vows themselves, in a way. I certainly wouldn't put up with my husband being an alcoholic, no way.





If he were seeking help and trying to get better, of course I would stick by him. However, if he were stubborn and didn't think he needed help, or had no desire to change, I'd certainly leave.





It's like mental disorders. Let's say my husband was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder or something of the like. Now, if he were going to try his best to get help and improve himself, then I'd certainly stay and try to help him work through it, because he's sick. However, if he weren't getting help and his disease was unmanageable (i.e. mentally abusing me, etc) and it was wreaking havoc on my self esteem, I'd certainly leave. Through sickness and in health doesn't mean compromising your own self esteem or mental health to stick by someone.





Good question.
';For better or for worse, rich or for poor, in sickness and in health'; does not cover things which you have control over. If one partner of the marriage becomes destructive, the other has an obligation to reasonably try to fix the situation, but there comes a time where they must eventually bail.





So, for those married to anyone with a serious problem like that - you try to help them through it and support them, but if their downward progression risks your life as well as theirs, you must cut them loose.
I've been there and put up with it for a while. Its really not ok for you to stay married to an alcoholic. You can only do so much. I'm sure you have tried to get him to seek help, but after a while, if he doesn't get help you need to leave. Plain and simple. Otherwise he will destroy your life as well as your own.





I dealt with it until we had kids. I believed that she would have grown up, but after the youngest was about she started back again. So, I showed her the door and she somewhat willingly left. Do you know how heartbreaking it is to have hear your 10 year old talk about mommy being drunk? Hopefully you don't have kids yet. If you do you should have left yesterday, if not leave today. Good luck.
Thank goodness my wife stayed with me during my deepest depths of alcoholism. While I worked steady for about ten years I drank a case of beer a day and missed out on my son's growing up. She was like a rock making decisions when I couldn't make them.
I totally understand! Mine is not an alcoholic but an abuser! There is help for both and when they make the choice not to get help because ';nothing is wrong with me'; or ';that's just the way i am';, well then it is time to move on! These are controllable conditions, maybe not curable, but controllable! People only say these things because they have never really been through it! Once you have, you fully understand the feelings of the real victim! If you are the wife of an alcoholic and you have done everything you can to get him to seek treatment....well that's all you can do! Maybe it's time for a life without this ball and chain! Good luck!
Honestly, I would never expect a person to stay with an Alcoholic, Especially if they have kids. My father was/is an alcoholic and he is going to die a horrible death because of it and my mother is still by his side watching it happen. I would not wish the misery she has had to endure because of his alcoholism on anyone. It has not been fun for her, him or the kids. You would feel so free if you left him.





I truly hope you can find either help for him to change his life or help for yourself to get out.
I Believe you should try to get the person to admit their problem and get help. But at some point if they won't get help or admit they have a problem then you need to move on. everyone deserves happiness and you sure can't find it in a situation like that











****I'M IN THE PLAYPEN WITH MILDRED***
i was married to a abusive alcoholic for 13 yrs i will never be with someone who drinks . I am a lot happier now that i am divorced from him