What you are feeling and doing is ..what all people of alcoholics do...in a way our behaviour can become like theirs..there is a book that you might like to read it's called Co Dependency No More...there is nothing you can do for him..he must want to do it for himself...but you can do a lot for you...get your hands on books dealing with the wife or child or any person dealing with the alcoholic...don't fall for the saying ';Drink Abuser'; ..it's alcoholism..these people can't drink and should not drink at all...you must take care of you.Do you live with an alcoholic?
Im an idiot? thats why people have given me thumbs up, you have selected the best answer as to what you wanted to hear, if your not willing to have a possitive and negative reply dont ask a question
Report Abuse
I was an Alcoholic for years.
The best thing that ever happened was when my wife left me.
After a few months I realised what I was doing.
I stopped Drinking(eventually),sorted myself out and in the end got back with my wife.(been back together for 10 years).
The Alcoholic cannot be helped-
they can only stop if THEY want to.
Live your life for yourself,hopefully it may push your husband in the right direction.
I lived with an alcoholic for three years,cleaning up the blood and bodily fluids,putting him to bed,the whole shebang of wasted life....I grew weary and I left...after a few months,he stopped drinking and has never started again....but that distaste for those three years remained and I find myself,I'm also in my 50's,finally leaving again,this time for good....I know this doesn't help you but sometimes another's experience and decisions can...good luck
yeah my golden retriever!!
Personally I think your focusing farr farr too much around the drinking and looking for an excuse to end the marriage
Reading back on what you wrote, you said...
Hes not violent
he holds down a job down
YOU MOVED OUT but found it difficult to cope alone
back to heavy drinking during the evenings or at weekends when im working and he is at home
children are adults living their own lives
I carry on living my life in this for me lonely existance wishing sometimes that i had never met him
Finally ....
Lots of you will say just leave but he is a good person and we are some sort of company for each other but I just wanted to know if there was anyone in a similar situation as me and how you cope
Ok from reading your post Im going to ask.....
Whats your problem woman?
I hate to talk like this to an older person than my self as im 24 , but come on...
You have 2 children that are now adults, which were raised sucesfully to look after them selves and run their lives
He does not hit you or becomes violent, so no domestic violance
He holds down a job, telling me he is responsible enough to ensure money comes in to pay the bills maintain him self and at the same time pay for his addiction to alcohol.
You mentioned that YOU LEFT him and couldnt cope and that his drinking made you want to sell and move back in.
To be honest it sounds like you couldnt copy paying the bills by your self and eventually you had to move back in to get some form of normality again, but using your husband as an excuse.
You also mention his a good person and some sort of company, maybe your not attracted to him any more and your focusing far too much on petty things to help break up the marriage.
It may not be nice to smell alcohol on him but for petty sakes, your not arguing and your not being abused, his not robbing you, his not lazy, accepts his responsibilities
It seems you dont like that fact he can do it whilst your out at work
and thats where you need to ask your self
Is that his fault or mine?
Only you can change that part and if you dont want to then you need to accept its your choice to do so.
If your unhappy then leave, but leave and deal with the consecuences without coming in and out of his life, either leave for good and let him move on in his life, or stay and swallow your pride and learn to love him again.
Sugest things to do, an accupied mind will also help keep him from wanting to drink and therefore more lively and you will probably feel is much better company.
As for BARBARA:
She has a poor experiance with her husband that had a long lasting effect, even after he made changes, therefore he destroyed the marriage by his obsession and addiction causing him poor health and making him dependant on his wife (almost causing her to be his slave), this can be tiring.
YOU HOWEVER do not have this issue from what you have posted
Plus make sure your not focusing too much on how much he drinks as in oh he was drunk last weekend, the month befoe that and fornight befoe that and then think thats far too often
An alcoholic is drunk every day is not almost every day of the week. So dont brand him something that he may not be as people cant help you if you describe him wrong
I was in a similar situation. From 1995 to 2005 to be exact. My now ex husband has dried out 4 times and swears everytime that he will never drink again! Back in Oct 2007 he phoned me up asking to be taken into hospital again by me I said no and my then partner agreed to take him. Another spell of being in hospital didnt do much and a few days later he came out. He then had a heart seizure and was resussitated back to life.... He swore to our girls that he would never drink again. However in April 2008 we had a phone call dissagreement and I said to him '; its like you dont care about our girls';.... So what did he go and do? Yes he went to the shop and bought 4 crest 10% strength beers!! Back on the band waggon. Although it was only 4 days. He then started being ill and has now got diabetes.. All the sugars in the drink have not only ruined his teeth, damaged his liver and given him the shakes it has now caused diabetes. When I left there where nights when I was lonely and being on benifit couldnt make ends meet but the citizens advice beuro helped me out. Your children are all grown up with their own lives and I bet they think about their dad with open eyes! My girls do!!! They 7 and 9 and they know without me telling them what there dad is like! Ask yourself the question is there more to life than this? Yes its scary, yes you feel guilty, yes its a struggle but are you destined to be his carer for the rest of your life? I went to relate before I made my decision. The woman asked where my ex hubby was. I said he didnt think he had a problem.... Her reply was you are on a downwards spiral and hes pushing you down..... What are you going to do? I left. You've asked the question because you are ready to make a decision... You must be lonely and fed up.... Are you on the same downwards spiral that I was on? If the answer is yes what are you gonna do about it? He also held down a job also but was verbally, mentally, and occasionally violent.
Do you ever feel hes having an affair with the drink? I did he hid his cans in when I caught him drinking at 5am in the morning!!
If you want to stay give the ultimatum of ITS ME OR THE DRINK!
P.s Im only 30 by the way.....
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