Tuesday, August 10, 2010

How do you learn to live with an alcoholic? hes always in a bad mood?

why would you want to?? what are you getting out of it that it makes it worth it to you to have to learn to live with it? why should you have to LEARN to live with the one you love and who treats you well??How do you learn to live with an alcoholic? hes always in a bad mood?
It is not really his alcoholism that is the problem, but the fact that he is always in a bad mood. If he were always in a good mood, would his drinking problem be so bad? There are deeper psychological issues here, and they are probably also causing him to abuse alcohol. It is too easy to blame his bad moods on alcohol alone. This person needs mental health help, along with alcohol counseling. The alcohol is probably making the problem worse, but there is little doubt that the problems he is having dealing with life will not just go away simply because he quits abusing alcohol.


Also, you should not put up with this type of relationship with him. Tell him that you know that his drinking problem is being caused by emotional or psychological problems. Let him know that you love him enough to want to help, but you do not love him so much that you will continue to put up with his abuse. Be very careful, as these types of alcohol/psychological problems can go from bad to worse very quickly, and with little or no warning.


He needs help!How do you learn to live with an alcoholic? hes always in a bad mood?
I'd say you get them help so they AREN'T an alcoholic
You don't. And he won't change while he is an alcoholic. You can encourage him to get help, talk to him and go with him. If he doesn't get help on his own...leave him. It's the best thing you can do.
You cant. Because from one day to the next you never know what kind of mood they will be in,or if they are gonna hit you, or just be in a mean grouchy mood. I know this for a fact...and I saw my dad do and say some things i will never be able to forget.He hit us kids, 3 of us and my mom...my mom had sinus surgery and this was back in 1968 or 69 when you had to leave your whole nose bandaged up for 2 week instead of overnight like now..he grabbed her by the neck, hit her in the face and pulled the yards and yards of gauze out of her nose. I was only 10 and saw them from the top of the stair case.I could go on and on...but the point is there is no way to learn to live with an alcoholic...just step lightly and hope the wrath isnt turned on you this day, and thats no way to live. As a last resort you could try Al A NON...this is for family members of alcoholics. good luck to you
I its a real alcoholic-run like hell.
Find a local AA group for yourself. If he won't go, you can. They offer counseling for those who live with alcoholics. It worker for my dad and his brothers when they lived with their father.
It's referred to as ';DRY DRUNK';


excerpt from link:





OBVIOUS TRAITS Persons experiencing a full-blown DRY DRUNK are, for that period, removed from the world of sobriety; they fail, for whatever reason, to accept the necessary conditions for sober living. Their mental and emotional homes are chaotic, their approach to everyday living is unrealistic, and their behavior, both verbal and physical, is unacceptable.





This lack of sober realism manifests itself in many ways.





http://www.minnesotarecovery.info/litera鈥?/a>





add:


Sorry ...I just assumed he was a sober alcoholic...but you did not say that.





I have been sober for 12 years....i cannot stand to be around someone that is drinking.


Not social drinking.


drunk..maudlin...repetative bugs me.
My Dear Maria,





You don't!





You are 'living' with Al Cohol, if you call that 'living.'





What's underneath it is a shell with a name and a sad story.





If the shell wants his identity back, good for him. Meanwhile, whatever sticks you to that shell, must either be a pretty damn good glue, or ';you as rotten as he say you are.'; And I know you're not, so you change you, (or be gone) because 'he' won't. 'He's' not motivated, and 'he' NEVER will be with you by his side as an enabler. Got kids? they may be taken away from you too, as you support Al Cohol as long as you are with 'him.'





It will only get worse!!! Never, Never, Never better!!!





I'm so sorry you had to live with this for so long.





So what if he has a sad story, is it any better than your sad story you just told here? Everybody has a sad story. Find yourself. Find some friends!!!
If you are seeking suggestions that will help you be accepting of a drunk, I think you should have your head examined. Just get out of your marriage. You'll be amazed at the relief you feel. Quit being his caretaker, his whipping post, a victim to his insecurity, and his bullying. I have no idea why you haven't left already. Dang
You don't, it is not beneficial for you.
You don't. It will only get worse and they'll make you feel responsible for them and suck the life out of you.


If they're always in a bad mood, it won't be long before they become emotionally abusive with you. That gets progressively worse over time. I worked with people in this situation for years... trust me.
Even when he's sober he'll be in a bad mood. Even if he dries up completely, and never drinks again, the depression lasts about a year before he's somewhat normal.





But the only way to live with an Alcoholic (who you can't control, and is probably hard to understand) is to attend Al-Anon meetings. My Father was an alcoholic, and his condition destroyed his life, and destroyed our family's life. The effects continued in my mind and emotions for 25 years after his death, until I finally got help by going to Al-Anon meetings weekly. In these meetings, friends, relatives, children, spouses of Alcoholics share their problems and experiences, and we analyse our reactions to Alcoholism. Then we learn to cope with all sorts of events and problems and emotions related to the disease.


It is a very hard to understand disease, but you can cope with just about anything the Alcoholic does or says when you attend Al-Anon meetings, because it puts you in control of your own life.


Look up Alcoholics Anonymous in your phonebook, and they will direct you to the local Al-Anon meetings.
hm welp i know the feeling...i just avoid them as much as possible..prally explains why im never home


lol.................its sad actially..o_o


they'd get mad if i told them to go to a AA meeting er something lol


but i'll check later here to see if someone puts a good answer that might just work. so just avoid i guess. thats what i do. its better then the whole fighting e_e


BUT if you dont have to be around them...dont..i mean if you dont absoulty HAVE to live with them...then dont...move out. dont be around alcoholic's. if you can help it. if you have somewhere to go...then get away from them. you never know what they may do
Bless your heart hon. Been there done that. I would tell him that YOU are going to counseling. Then ask him if he'd like to go with you. Tell him you love him, but you cannot live like this and it's not fair to you or him to ruin a relationship that's based on love. I would then ask him why he thinks he needs to get drunk? Is his job that bad? Did he grow up in an environment where one or both his parents got drunk all the time? Or, does he do it when he hangs out with his buds? Another thing. Record the dates he's drunk. Try to recall his actions and words. If the cops get called be sure to get copies of police reports. You may need these later. One more thing. YOU can't make another human being do anything. You can lead a horse to water... It is all up to him whether he wants to drink or not. We all wake up everyday and make a decision whether we do one thing or another. If he loves you he will want to change. You can't make him - he has to it. Good luck hon :)

No comments:

Post a Comment