Living with an alcoholic mother-how to stay sane?

My mother is an alcoholic. She began her addiction after her back surgery a few years ago. As time went by I guess my stepdad's anger issues and her job and pain from her back have stressed her out where she always drinks. I'm graduating from highschool this year and going off to college after the summer. For the most part, I'm looking forward to the freedom but, I'm SO afraid for my mom. My stepdad can't handle her drinking anymore either and always threatens to leave her and I'm afraid when I move out he might leave too and my worst fear is finding out my mom died from her addiction because she was all alone. She is getting help this year from a counselor but so far its not enough. I know there isn't much i can probably do about her problem either, but I just want to be able to walk out of my house knowing my mom can take care of herself or has someone who won't give up on her nearby. I just don't know what to do! I feel like I might go insane without hearing people who've experienced my dilemna's stories. How long does it usually take a person going to a counselor to really start to stop drinking? What should I do to stay sane when I have to be around drunk her? Anything else you can tell me to ease my mind would be magnificent as I feel I'm alone since I'm the only child also. I know I shouldn't make her MY problem but shes my mom and I don't want to ever feel guility for leaving her when shes not stable enough to take care of herself.Living with an alcoholic mother-how to stay sane?
My father is an alcoholic .. I don't live with him anymore, but see him often and his alcohol binges still effect me in a very real way as he calls during them, and I never know when he is on a 'binge' when I go to his home etc. (He is a functional alcoholic, has a CPA firm, makes good money, etc.. but has been an alcoholic since before I was born (I am 30) ).





You seem to know most of the answers to your questions,.. you are smart. You just need some understanding and comfort. Not so sure the internet will provide that, but doesn't hurt to reach out.





I know your pain, and your mother knows more than anyone. She knows it is hurting the whole family, and she wants to stop I am sure whether she says it or not. That she is in counseling is a huge step. The biggest problem with 'addiction' is you have to find the root cause or (causes) and then go through the EXTREMELY hard and scary process of learning how to cope and deal with them without trying to forget about them with the substance.





You can't do this for her, you can't even change her thoughts. All you can do is show you thoughts on her behavior, not enable, and keep loving her. She needs it even though this is occurring.





Also don't underestimate people. People have an uncanny ability of 'taking care of themselves' when push comes to shove. I'm not saying leave it be and forget about it.. but in a small way I am.





Don't let her demons run your life or make you unhappy or stressed. You have a life to live, and yes, she is a part of it -- but you have to learn to delegate 'thoughts'.. to allow some time for thinking about her situation and then know when enough is enough and go on to something else.





When she is drunk around you, go out -- drive somewhere.. get away best you can. In a drunk state you can't talk sense into anyone. If you can't leave, go into a room and lock it.. I know if she is drunk all the time, you can't lock yourself away at all times -- so you have to focus your life away from the problem you can't control.





At the same time you need to try and talk with her at any opportune time -- AA would be a wonderful place for her to go in conjunction with her therapy. There are meetings everywhere in every state.. and it is completely free.





Also, consider some therapy for yourself. It helps. Even people with parents, siblings, loved ones who are alcoholics get benefit from going to these meetings. Try one out yourself,.. it isn't what you think, and the people there have insight you can't get from the internet, a book, etc.





I wish you much luck, and you will succeed -- I hope sincerely, sooner than later your mother comes around and makes the hard decision to stick to a sober life and deal with it as long as it takes.





You are far from alone! One day at a time, just like she will have to live.Living with an alcoholic mother-how to stay sane?
^^great answer...





It is crazy how similar of a situation I am in. My mother has been an alcoholic ever since I can remember. I remember her drinking as she drove me to friends houses, soccer games, etc. when I was 12. She would hide alcohol in soda cans and I would pour it out whenever I could. I honestly cannot remember a night when she went to bed sober. Every single night, whether we were on vacation or it was my birthday, she was drunk. Its truly sad. She would even deny having drank anything to our faces.





You should definitely help your mother before you go to college. I too am a senior and worried about my mother. I have done everything to help her. I tried hiding the stuff, getting her to go to AA (she went... temporarily), but nothing worked. What I see is an underlying issue causing alcoholism for her. She is reeeaally self conscious about her body (anorexic/bulimic also... yay). She use alcohol as a coping mechanism for this. I want to help her with this, but I think it belongs in the hands of a professional psychiatrist (which I hope I can get her to see).





My mom has lost her husband, her daughter, and soon I'm scared that I'm going to give up on her because of alcoholism. The only advice I have for you is to persuade her to find help with a psychiatrist. However, (this may sound bad but...) don't let her drag your life down. Focus on your college studies and live your life to the fullest.





Good luck.